I Know You Are But What Am I

I think all items should cost 8 dollars. That way evrrything costs 8 dollard

I bet it feels real good to be a sailing ship when they tighten the rigging

if you're not 26 years old right now you will be soon

my corner store guy is a 50 year old man who's my best friend in the world and recently he was like "you're too pretty to be single I have some nephews you should meet. very handsome!" and I was like "a niece might be more up my alley" and he just got more excited and said "ah even better! I was overselling my nephews but my nieces are very beautiful"

wtf i had a dream last night that i was obsessed with learning about man-made objects that had wound up in space one way or another and every article or infographic displayed the bounds of space, as in the outer edge of the universe and the only thing beyond that was king tut? like it would either just be his name or a graphic of the sarcophagus staring back at me from the black void

Thinking about a new bit where i start using “workers of the world” as my go-to second person plural pronoun. Like “chat”.

Workers of the world what do we think of this. Is it funny.

Workers of the world please like and reblog my post

every time someones says "hey how are you" and i say "good" and forget to add the "how about you?" i feel like i've missed a quicktime event

friend is trying to sell her car bc shes moving to a state with vehicle inspections and her prius lives in defiance of god. anyway so shes cleaning it out at my apartment complex bc we have dumpsters and her roommate forgot to pay the trash bill. i will be liveblogging my experience watching her do this and you will understand why i refuse to help her

"oh no i disturbed the nursery section of The Colony!!! D: D: " awesomesauce. i hope an asteroid comes and kills us both

i must stress: before today she DID NOT KNOW about the ant colony in there . she thought ants just really liked to climb inside anytime the car was parked.

bringing this post back bc i found a video of her offering me the phantom cd set and i said no because the box was coated in a syrupy mat of human hair and she was confused because "we know whos hair it is" ???? as if the origin of the hair was the only fucking holdup

I had a dream that Joe Biden kept trying to sneak back into the white house to become the president again and he had a variety of silly disguises like in one he was wearing a big moustache and top hat and introduced himself as Job Iden and tried to sell trump snake oil and trump was super interested until his moustache fell off and then JD vance was like "wait a minute.. that's joe biden!!" amd he was like "welp, gotta run, see ya later jack!" and then all the evil white house staff were shaking their heads cus joe biden almost sneaked into the white house and the newest aid was there and she was like "That was a close call, Mr President" and his new aide was actually kamala harris wearing a big cartoon wig and they were all too distracted by joe biden to notice

you never realize how many pictures are on Tumblr until your internet is bad