The Real.

I told you. Rain brings me a different kind of ride. Made this few weeks ago. And I just feel the need to post this.

For sure, it won’t be easy. And I will be saying my apologies for it starting today. My heart is still messed up from the last time I got it broken. I have so many scars from all of the unrequited love that I had, and I have been scarred the longest time that I don’t know how it feels to be okay anymore.

This is to the next guy who is going to love me. There will be times that I will love you too much that you can’t take it, and there will also be moments when I will be loving you less just because my heart isn’t fully ready yet. Some days that I am going to cry my heart out for no reason, if ever it comes, my love, please hug me because that’d be the moment that I will need you the most. There’d be an instance that I won’t be talking to you or reply to your text messages, love, call me because I will need to hear your voice for me to be okay. And there will be a crazier time in which I will be sending you long annoying messages, text me back with long sweet messages or even a 10 second voice call. I want you to do it. Eat with me when I tell you that I am not hungry. Sleep with me when I say I want to be alone.

Love, please do not get tired of trying to love me and be with me. Find me in all the ways that you can because I’ve been waiting for you all this time. Stay safe my love, because I’d like to be alive the same time as you. I’d like to breathe the same air that you are breathing. I’d like to be in the same place that you are standing. I wanted to be with you all the time, but if under any circumstances that that’d be hard for us to achieve it, and see each other often, I will understand. I will try my very best to understand because I want to keep you.

I want to keep you for the rest of my life. I want to see our love grow as time passes us by. I want to annoy you every time I tell you that you’d wash the dishes and ill just watch you. I want to see you laughing out loud everytime I tell you stories about my students. I want to see you sigh and hear you tell your friends, “damn. She’s not pretty but she’s the one.” I want you to hold me and hug me for no reason. Because I love you. Because I will be loving you for a long time this time. And every minute, even if it is spent running, or just sitting down doing nothing, as long as it is with you, I love you. I will love you forever. 59 miles away or more. 2 miles away apart or less. I love you and I will love you even if it is so bad.

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N.K. Jemisin, The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms | @thelovejournals