Freakoid Alien

if your animal is lying on the floor, furniture etc, it’s important to take a picture of them. then, if they move or shift in any way, it’s important to take another picture. with this technique, you can take many pictures of your animal

stop drinking beer with the deer and come have a cider with the spiderrrr

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

do not start gambling. go outside and locate a bug. now post it on inaturalist. bam. nature's gacha game

i dont know what love island is but from what ive heard its like danganronpa for people that use snapchat

(voice of a person spiralling) its embarrassing but i still havent figured out if its ok for me to be alive

work tomorrow is one of the worst things that can happen to you

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

guy currently hurtling toward a migraine at a rate that would impress most astrophysicists: i wonder wgat is happening in my beautiful telephone

i just rescued a pill bug they’re gonna reward me with a million pill bucks i’m gonna be a fucking pillionaire

💵🫲}([[[[[)

I JUST MADE ONE PILLION DOLLARS

i think im getting better! :) [another event occurs]