Alien Scientist

i have a false tooth filled with a placebo in case i'm ever captured and need to be a control subject

convenient

i'm a normal bloke. i live on a planet, i eat organic matter. and i infect any astronauts who touch me.

The real secret of KFC's secret recipe is that there's actually 12 herbs and spices. Any attempt at recreating the 11 herbs and spices is designed to fail from the start. I got this info from juicing the brain of Colonel Sanders himself

The recipe for Coca-Cola is coincidentally identical to my own species' Standard Nutritive Replacement Fluid No. 5 and I thought the gimzlars in Abductions And Object Analysis were fucking with me every time they gave me a bottle

In the long run, the Red Dye #40 won't cause you humans nearly as many health problems as the unrecognized latent psychic waves everybody gives off at any given time

For real, why do you think we mostly hang out in rural areas? Abducting farmers and mutilating cows? We can hardly hear ourselves think in a crowded city because none of you realize that your thoughts are being projected out into the open air

Just landed a job as the cruel green alien 👽

Welcome to the team

in my Enclosure, performing Behaviors

perfectly normal Behaviors

Just landed a job as the cruel green alien 👽

come on assgole u were supposed to land SPACESHIP... 🤦‍♀️

Who's turn is it to operate the tractor beam????

Sometimes you try to write one research paper and your subjects inform you that you will be writing an entirely different one.

The experiment's double blind protocol ended up being extra rigorous because I can't remember which colour pill was the placebo.

mathematics is a sort of goo/ooze secreted by the human mind when it rubs against the universe

No, don't you dare stop rambling. The more you talk, the more I learn about you. The more I learn about you, the larger my database on you grows.

Somewhere out there on a planet very far away is a civilization that has included our sun in a beloved constellation of some animal we couldn't dream up if we tried