Alien Scientist

Great gazoo came up to me earlier today and blew fuckin space smoke in my face and now I cant see the color blue. More like hate gazoo. #cancelgreatgazoogoddamnit

HAHAHA that's a CLASSIC

I was investigating earthling summer traditions

harvest moon? Whew, that's gonna take a while, but I can try

Easier than you'd think actually

little gray alien seasoned roasting dead on a spit with an apple in his mouth #SOLARPUNK

MY CAR

a cute animal is inherently delightful which through beta decay then becomes silly

aliens love travelng million of light years to be naked in the middle of the night in a forest

You would too if you could

i have a false tooth filled with a placebo in case i'm ever captured and need to be a control subject

convenient

i'm a normal bloke. i live on a planet, i eat organic matter. and i infect any astronauts who touch me.

The real secret of KFC's secret recipe is that there's actually 12 herbs and spices. Any attempt at recreating the 11 herbs and spices is designed to fail from the start. I got this info from juicing the brain of Colonel Sanders himself

The recipe for Coca-Cola is coincidentally identical to my own species' Standard Nutritive Replacement Fluid No. 5 and I thought the gimzlars in Abductions And Object Analysis were fucking with me every time they gave me a bottle

In the long run, the Red Dye #40 won't cause you humans nearly as many health problems as the unrecognized latent psychic waves everybody gives off at any given time

For real, why do you think we mostly hang out in rural areas? Abducting farmers and mutilating cows? We can hardly hear ourselves think in a crowded city because none of you realize that your thoughts are being projected out into the open air