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Oh boy, here we are. November 10th not only marks a year since my first post on this blog, but it also marks the second day since our new president elect - Donald Trump. I’ve given myself a this time to soak it in, cry, write down new ideas, listen to music and share opinions with friends but it’s time to take my frustration out. 

My friends kept asking me “what do you feel?” 

Not only did I go to sleep on 11/8 weeping, I woke up on 11/9 feeling I’ve lost a close friend. We all felt this way. I wore all black because that’s how I felt on the inside. I wasn’t ready to tackle this. Most of this country wasn’t prepared for this feeling. I wanted to sit down and write especially today because I do have this platform. I can be mad all that I want but it’s important to express it through where I feel most comfortable - here on this blog.

There are fatal flaws in our system - people are scared because there is a rich white male celebrity who bought into this election by feeding unmanageable lies to most non-educated voters throughout this country. There is no middle ground for those who voted for him. Donald Trump is a racist among a lot of other things. Since Donald Trump has no experience in politics, I’ve become more fearful in the choice of his Vice President, Mike Pence. He has been titled as the “most powerful vice president in history.” Though many aren’t as focused on Pence because we don’t know much about his history, on a larger scale might be more evil than Trump. Just to name a few, he favors withholding LGBTQ rights to same sex married couples from adopting, to opposing marriage equality and promoting conversion therapy to “reduce their attraction to the same sex or their desire to express a different gender from the gender they were born with.” 

But beyond marriage equality and to name a few, there was racism, sexism and ableist words promoted throughout his campaign/life that brought concerns, anger and reasons to why half of the United States does not support him. Don’t forget to click on the attached links to read the sources here, here, here, here and here.

This election has really shined a light on a lot of relationships with those around me. Supporting someone who promotes nationalism, misogyny, and fearing white people that they may lose their status as the majority, created his power. The worst part is, post-election, steered some extremist who voted for him to think it’s okay to disrespect other’s cultures, religion because Trump promoted xenophobia throughout his campaign.

Although I am proud of my education and freedom of speech rights, my favorite part is the “Make America Great Again” slogan. This creates is a total lie because America has never been short of mediocre as there is currently no evidence to support the statement itself.

The three categories we lead in are: 

Number of incarcerated civilians per capita

Number of adults who believe angels are real

Defense spending more than 26 countries combined

But we need to understand why Trump is popular. There’s always been something wrong happening. Abuse of power comes as no surprise in this country. This election is the outcome when two sides are at total odds which is why we vote third-party because our primary options aren’t always the greatest. Be nervous but try to not be so afraid that you aren’t motivated to promote change anymore. I like my uterus and I like it to be protected and to be in control of my reproductive rights (crazy, I know!) Now is the time for me and those to use whatever privilege and platform we have, to shout louder and express yourself more boldly - but please, don’t give up! I love the community we have built through this election and our voices are becoming louder and more significant. I will always support my friends, the LGBTQ community, minorities, POC, disabled, survivors of abuse and assault and everyone. Be there physically if not mentally for each other. My worth is not my gender, it is my knowledge and participation in bettering society. I have felt the inspiration from many others via the internet and will continue to grow louder and closer to one another.

Gloria Steinem’s words post-election. 

Although to others, their definitions will be altered, but to me, sex positivity means safe sex across communication and consent. People choose to be sexually active and some lead asexual and some choose to not label themselves but do whatever they want! Society shaped Americans to be shameful of sex because it was said to only be practiced to procreate.

Sex workers have had much trouble with vocalizing successfully about de-stigmatizing and decriminalizing their work. If our society would legalize sex work, we could better monitor the industry and provide hard working individuals with security and health benefits. Sex Positivity advocates sex education and experimentation (if exploring is your thing). But because of horror stories, there becomes a stigma and negativity surrounding conversations about sex work that deems those as criminals for making ends meet in a capitalist society.

At almost 23 years old, I've come closer to understanding myself a little more through finding out more about sexuality. The more I learn the more I realize what I like and don’t like. Knowing what you’re comfortable practicing/not practicing provides a safe place for yourself and partner and helps keep everyone happy! Here are some new terms I learned recently..

Free Love – is a term from the 19th century that advocates a movement to respect relationships that are entered not because of social bondage, emotional possessiveness and psychological enslavement (marriage) but love relations that are freely entered into whether monogamous, LGBTQIA, celibacy, even short and long-term sexual relationships.

Demisexual - a person who does not feel sexual attraction unless they’ve formed an emotional connection with someone - might be someone who prefers romance and love before doing the big S.

Grey-Asexual - I like to think of an in between asexual and sexual and a term some people relate with or prefer to label themselves who are not particularly very sexually active. Can go a great amount of time without sexual encounters but can also crave sexual pleasure whenever they feel it.

I find that most people are too afraid to converse about sex and intimate relations. Some believe this information shouldn’t be shared with one another as if you should be damned for something so natural. I prefer to speak and think more about it nowadays because I seriously wish I had more open conversations about sex when I was growing up - I could have known myself better. The more we openly speak about sex and consent the less people, specifically women, are sexualized. Conversation before any intimate times spent is highly important and always remember that no one knows your emotions and body more than you do. If sex is important to you, you should be able to speak about it. Having healthy sex (or no sex) while explicitly consensual is a positive thing!

If you have any questions please feel free to send me a message!

Again, attached is a video you should watch if you’re interested in learning more!

What I’ve decided to bring to topic, is not a 21st century issue.

Toxic masculinity – an issue that feminist try to bring awareness to. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, let’s say there’s a man named Bill and he plays the role of an authoritarian husband and father. Bill’s son, let’s say Frank, is on the football team. Although he doesn’t enjoy playing football, he does enjoy the energy and popularity he gains from sport. When Frank gets hit too hard in a game, he tells his dad he wants to quit football because he doesn’t want to put more time in effort into something that he isn’t passionate about and brings him no joy. Bill tells him to stop being a “sissy” because you don’t quit when you’re great at a team sport. For years, Frank stays in football because it shapes how masculine he is. All of these years, Frank builds up pressure and anxiety from not doing what he truly wants because he’s living up to someone else’s expectations and legacy. Frank gets a full ride college scholarship to play. After graduating high school, Frank wants to see a therapist so he can talk about what’s going on in his head and try to figure out why he feels waves of unhappiness. Bill tells his son, “you don’t need that, you’re a man. Quit being so emotional.”

Frank goes years without being able to have a healthy life and connection between himself and his thoughts. One day, Frank feels he looses his patience and control over his actions and thoughts – he feels sick and weak and helpless. He thinks about taking his own life. While focusing on feminism and these major issues within our society will lead some people into thinking we label all men as toxic, but in reality we’re trying to bring awareness that men have ruled society from the beginning because they perceived women as incapable of power. We’ve come to teach our sons that they’re built to shoot guns and be violent but yet to make the money to provide for a wife and children so that they too can be a part of this paradigm that Western culture is widely known for.

The truth behind toxic masculinity steers men into becoming more aggressive and internally frustrated from pressure within society in order to live up to these standards set for their gender. More men won’t seek professional guidance for mental health which statistically has lead to a male dominance of committing crimes against women, others and taking their own lives. It’s important that we break this idea that all men are supposed to be different from women in terms of characteristics, interests and roles. In reality, we are both humans with the same emotions as the similar internal and external issues.

Next time I’ll be sharing another topic of feminism and what it means to me. Stay tuned and thanks for reading.

Below is an informative and related video from Laci Green on YouTube: 

Do you know why you’re supposed to work hard? Because when you’ve done all you can and you get the results, the feeling of success is what it’s worth.

I’ve been absent for quite some time. I’ve moved states and experienced some high highs and low lows. But now is not the time to start. Fast forward to a few nights ago, I was talking to my friend via Snapchat. She’s having a hard time with family issues, working over-time, AND a grad student. On top of that, she’s paying for all her bills independently. For those who didn’t know, Miami is now rated worst place to live in the USA. She was having trouble with her current boss, but it’s steady work and she needs to money - there is no other option but to keep moving forward until the next opportunity. This is a very temporary job - just to jolt you into something better, nothing more. Through her struggles, we both discovered something that makes so much sense and I’m going to share it with you. Life isn’t just happy and we have lows. Life is a struggle of lows and we choose to be happy within it. Like that saying, “you create your own happiness.” In the most simple form, life can really suck (taxes, bills, education costs, car accidents, or just adulting). You pick and choose who and what your life entails. We’re in school for a big chunk of our lives but that’s not to say we’re reproduced to be like caged rats. We were created so we can feed off each other ideas and build each other stronger from relationships and experiences. It’s okay to be nervous about life, just don’t be afraid. Make your life something you want to be proud of; It’s not always about what you need, it’s about how you can live without the newest products. How you can work when crappy things occur. Creating something new. Am I just blabbering here or am I making any sense?

Point is, just know when life sucks for you, it sucks for everyone else too. We just choose different paths that lead towards happiness. Work with me here. I have a good point and it made me feel more at ease. 

There is a need to redefine femininity - and it begins with me.

Through my current partner, I have met some exceptional humans who have opened so many doors of opportunity for me. I found my way out of this narrow minded society through new friends who aren’t just supportive, but are also just as driven to make a change.

My looks are perceived by others that would be called very feminine and most would label me as the girl next door. I’ve dealt with this label my whole life. Most wouldn’t see anything wrong with that, but it has made it easier for others to judge me since most people can’t see past looks. I don’t like to label but I can tell you I’m a feminist because I believe women of all origins deserve the same opportunities as men. Since childhood I’ve wanted nothing more than to be a mother and a teacher - and that’s great but that doesn’t mean I need to conform into a traditional pattern of existing. I’m not in any rush to get married and don’t know if I ever will but it’s great for those women who want to - that’s having the freedom to control your own life and not having to be forced upon getting married in order to move out of your parents house. There is no traditional path you are forced to take, you make your own story. This is important for women to understand. If you wanna wear expensive name brands, you shouldn’t be labeled into a category of certain women. You are still an individual person.

I get a lot of questions about how I apply my make up and which products I use. I love expressing myself through cosmetics and music. I love all these questions because it shows that others are interested in what I’m interested in which is great because I have a lot to tell you and i hope you’re ready for that too.

So here I am, I don’t like to shave - but when I do want to, I don’t have any shame. Thats what being comfortable in my own skin means. Having the option to be accepted either way but not obligated and I’ve never felt more accepting of my body. Not having to follow gender norms should be more accepting.

I am in no way near professional, but I know since living on my own, my body has transformed. I’ve been much more aware of spending. In fact, the most I spend my money on is groceries, not clothing. Be conscious on a day to day basis of what you’re letting in your body. This means, if you eat great 99% of the time, you’re allowed to go out for ice cream or order those frickin fried pickles from Hooters. Keep an eye out for processed foods, chemicals, preservatives, sugar and trans fat. You don’t have to write it all down but just be aware of the high percentage most packaged foods contain at the grocery store. Yes, a grocery store.. you shouldn’t eat out every meal, you should buy and cook food yourself. It’s actually fun to save money this way once you get a few recipes under your belt. 

There aren’t such thing as diets.. or shouldn’t be such things. You either eat healthy or you don’t. When I paired eating healthier and working out, I finally didn’t feel tired and needing a nap at 1pm. It’s important not to forget those veggies- they’re filled with antioxidants and so much good shit it’s incredible.

During the Fall 2015 semester I gave my final speech in Psychology on Feminism. As soon as my slides showed up on the projector screen, a guy in the front row grunted under his breath “ugh, damn.”

I’ve lived in South Florida for 8 years and it’s a cat calling is a reoccurrence. as it is everyone so I’m not saying every man here is after attention, but it does sure feel like the majority are. The difference is that I’m now the biggest “bitch” to men.

A couple months ago at work I had a conversation with two males colleagues (one african american and the other of hispanic origin) about the differences in men’s thought process. Meaning, they believed ALL men look at women and immediately sexualized them. I began to argue. But because I had told them my partner doesn’t think this way, they used the excuse that I was in denial. I was simply defending another feminist of their own beliefs. My partner does not sexualize women - set aside the fact that he respects women, he respects everyone and that’s part of following feminist beliefs. I assured them they were wrong. I couldn’t budge my opinion onto them, they simply thought I was crazy for even bringing it up. I still have hope for those who are so far gone.

I would be lying if I said men in most cultures are not this way. However, there are men around us who believe women are created equal and not existing for your sexual thoughts. But the fact that I couldn’t even fully reach to an equal argument to help them question their opinion, created the issue for me.

Hate has lived on this earth for many more years than I can even count to in my head- it will continue to mean more than love does. Why am I wasting my time on this? Because one day it hit me – maybe hating everything makes me hate myself? Whoa, I was right. First, I learned that the hate was being funneled into me by someone I couldn’t get away from until I was old enough to live on my own, someone who was living very negatively. But let’s begin from the start.

I’m weird, I’m not simple minded, I have thoughts about death – my own and those of others; just different things that cross my mind. Dressed in Abercrombie to fit in, growing up in a conservative Catholic family was like following guidelines your whole life. I was always afraid to mess up because I don't like the feeling of breaking rules. My mother's parents are Catholic Cuban refugees - very Cuban and very Catholic. Although her parents were completely responsible for how she was raised, I just couldn’t force her to understand that my generation is nowhere close to the same as hers. “Tattoos are for people who need attention.” (My eyes are too tired to roll to the back of my brain). Most sisters get along just well- she couldn’t quite understand when I was 13 years old why I would bleach my hair and listen to music played by boys with tighter pants than mine. She taught me at a young age that it was natural for girls to judge each other. From their clothes to their eyelashes. Forget their kickass personalities and their priorities to contribute to a better society right?! Nope. But back then I didn’t realize some close to me were the continuous poison for my well-being.

I've grown into a woman that I'm proud of. I stick up for my friends both men and women, LGBTQ and POC community. I try to learn as much as I can and not shut down anyone with a different opinion than mine. Sure, I've gained some anxiety and waves of depression, but I'm a stronger human because of the lessons I took from example. Thanks to my psychology of adolecents course at Miami Dade College for helping me realize anxiety and low self-esteem originate from physiological abuse during childhood. When I turned 20, I moved from Miami, Florida to Boulder, Colorado. Everyone was so genuinly nice and thoughtful, very positive and proud of their achievements. I began to exercise and stretch – my meditation. I found that when I lived without my family and the catholic church, my heart and mind was healthier. I didn’t care what people thought about me because I knew I rocked and rolled- I felt self-love for the first time. I stopped caring what my family and others thought of me. I loved them each individually, but I couldn’t let them affect my life. I really mean no harm in speaking about my family members- I just hope one day they will understand that hate is a trap and brings nothing positive.

Slowly my family is becoming more accepting as I grow older and have experienced many firsts that have opened their minds. I’m proud to be myself. If what you do strengthens you as a human being, don’t let that go! I can’t stress it enough – we need individualism in the world. Don’t be afraid to make friends with people who treat you with respect. Find who you are from exploring- not by what you see from others. There’s a cool huge world out there and it shouldn’t ever restrict you from becoming more you. What the flip do I know? But if there’s anything I have learned, it’s to not turn down something if it could potentially change your life. Why would you want to be stuck?

I’m Alexandra and a 23 year old second-generation Cuban American and student who enjoys conversation about past issues that have steadily carried out into modern day affairs within our society. Being in the third wave of Feminism, I post and enjoy conversing about subjects such as, sexism, politics, equality and personal topics. I also spend some time learning more about how our Earth is changing so drastically due to climate change and try to participate in anyway that I can to prevent wasting resources.

The information I share on this blog are all from personal experiences and opinions and by no means makes me a professional. I do however keep my mind open to getting feedback and the opinions of others. My style of writing creates a comfortable way for me to express myself and understand in a way as if we were in conversation. I’m passionate about these subjects but I’m not trying to be forceful or angry and in no way use any guidelines to how I share this information with you. If you have any thoughts to my writings, please message me. If you enjoy what you see, please comment to let me know.

Stay connected by following my Instagram @a.cochran to not miss out on new posts!

Thanks for reading,