Dancing Through Life

Out of curiosity, a few days ago I started reading about the horrors of pregnancy no one mentions until it’s too late. After learning concepts like metal mouth, pupps, relaxin, diastasis recti, and gum related issues among others, I’m now ready to kill every man responsible for the legislation that pretends to subject women to these changes without a choice. In what world is this anywhere near fine? 

I’ve lived a good life, I’m ready for prison. If anyone wants any of my things, let me know.

There’s also weird blood pressure issues that can turn into you dying, morning sickness that comes back in the third trimester, and labor.  All of which are also horrible. Oh and while your hair gets super nice and thick when you’re pregnant afterwards you start shedding to the point that it looks liek your hair is falling out in clumps. 

Keely: Aww, that's cute. Unless it was one of those 'is my child possessed by a demon' type of noises in which it is not cute and you should probably hire an exorcist.

Wow, okay. Well, sorry to hear that. I hope for me, it will be less grueling. Wow, ballet… I’ve always wondered, when you first start out on those hard tipped shoes, how much do your toes hurt? I love dancing, but not ballet or anything modern. In the last few months I learned how to boogie woogie and it’s so much fun.

PRIVATE

Yes, she is. I… kind of ticked the ‘women’ box and sent it to the governement without coming out first. Brilliant idea. Not.

Oh, it always still hurts the longer that you’re on it. It’s actually incredibly bad for your feet so you’re constantly dealing with corns and bunions and bruses and ingrown toenails, and if you tance for too long sometimes your toenails can fall off. You just have to learn how to take care of your feet. But if you wanted to learn I do have a beginning ballet for adults class that you’re more than welcome to join. 

PRIVATE: 

Keely: Definitely not your mom but if you ask your question, I might could help you out?

I can imagine that. I mean, I think considering that I want more than three children, at least, if my partner goes along with it that I will have to work less and less but that does seem scary to me. I love my job, so you must have missed yours too if you like doing it. What exactly is your profession?

PRIVATE:

Me. She was looking for me. My privacy settings are quite strict.

I do not.  Pregnancy was horrible and I am planning on never, ever experiencing that one again.  And then labor was even worse. But I’m a ballet teacher and I own my own studio in Manhattan.  

PRIVATE

Okay, that name is even cuter! I love long, classic names, I’ve noticed… but mostly Biblical names. So, are you enjoying being a mom?

PRIVATE:

Oh, okay. So, she is on here? That’s something.

I like it.  I’m still nervous about it some of the time but I’m pretty sure that’s normal, but I’m still kind of excited to get to go back to work soon too.  LIke I love Ellie a ton, but I also really miss working. 

PRIVATE: 

Wow, I hope that I’m lucky enough that that will be similar to how it goes for me. It would be so nice. Also Ellie is such a cute name! I have lists of my top ten boy and girl names since I was about twelve and have been updating them regularly. I hope they like the same names as I do.

PRIVATE

What do you know about Carmen Flores, by the way?

It’s short for Eleanor, but I love her name so much.  I never actually kept a list like that, but I think my potential name list for her had about 20 names on it at one point?  But that was more of a I’m a perfectionist and I was really nervous about being a mother and the combo of the two just made me stressed. 

PRIVATE: 

I’ve put blood, sweat, tears, and a lot of booze into Spongebob The Musical. And now we’re the most nominated musical of the season, and I… am an actual, living, breathing Tony award nominee?

What. The. Fuck. Guys.

WAIT A SECOND WHEN DID THE TONY NOMINATIONS COME OUT? HOW DID I MISS THIS? HOW OVERDUE IS YOUR CONGRATS YOU GOT NOMINATED PRESENT? 

Lola: as far as I know I only have one datuher. But you can ask away.

You’re already married? How was that? You know, marrying someone after eight weeks or less? Do you get on? Please, give me hope that there is a chance it can work out.

Yeah, we’ve been married for about ten months and our daughter was born last month.  And we get along amazingly, I mean we’re in love with each other and honestly, he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.  Or maybe Ellie is, it depends on how much she’s cried that day. 

Alex: Mom, I have a question.

Alex: And I know that you're going to say "yes, Ellie is supposed to do that" before I ask the question but I want to ask anyway.

Not to be that person who talks about boring stuff like the weather and all, but I really need to ask about it right now. How reliable are weather apps? Anyone knows one that’s super accurate? I’m going on a trip next week and I wanna make sure I pack the right stuff.

I think that most of them are pretty accurate, but I know that the weather.com app is the one that I typically use and it’s always pretty spot on. 

Any good recs for places with some awesome shaved ice or sno-cones? I mean, I know they’re probably not that popular here, but I’m having some major summer vibes and I kinda wanna embrace that. It is more summer than spring now, you know?

I know that there’s a couple of trucks that sometimes come around that you can go to, but I don’t know of any specific places. But if you find one let me know because that just sounds amazing!

So, I’m meeting the person I’m supposed to marry quite soon. If there is anyone who’s been through this and who wants to give me advice on that, then please do so. That, as well as tips on how to calm down. I need it!

The biggest advice I can be is make sure to be yourself.  And make sure that you communicate because that’s probably the biggest thing that helped me and my husband. 

I’m trying to play detective here, but I’ve hit a snag. It’s like this girl doesn’t exist. In this day and age what kind of person has no social media presence? Should I be concerned?

I don’t know, maybe they were worried about the internet having all of their data and then were right when everyone had to freak out about the Facebook thing?