Sincerely

Dear Jesus, I pray that I don't make it through the night. Amen.

The posts that say depression isn't just this or is more than this or isn't this. Maybe it is just this... For someone. Depression is a tailored made suit just for you. For you to wear around and if anyone tried it on themselves, even you're identical twin, it would be too big too small there cause it's different for everyone.

It's not a contest, I'm sad but someone is even sadder and after that sadder still. Depression is depression no matter what degree of the emotion you feel or how long you've felt this way or why you feel this way. Keep it to yourself or share it it's up to you. But don't for a second let someone degrade how you feel because it might not seem enough. Sad enough. Long enough. Reason enough. It is enough to be running through your mind. It is enough to consume even a little part of your energy. You can't win at something that was never a contest in the first place.

The sting hits me even now and I feel... Alive.

It’s a fucking sickness that you’ve given to yourself You’ve weighed yourself down with this invisible burden that weighs a thousand pounds And you tell me you’re sorry and list all the reasons that dance in our mind But I know to throw caution to the wind, that the hurricane has only taken a nap, it will be back soon But while it’s gone I’ll rebuild and pretend that I don’t know what’s coming I’ll clean up and make everything pretty while the ache behind my eye tells me the inevitable I’ll sweep the shards and wipe away the shatters only to find come tomorrow that it’s all been fucked with Even if I hold on tight and shield it from the wind The storm will come and break it in my hands and leave me with bleeding palms Cause I know that even if I ask for help I’ve only brought it upon myself I know that I can move away and leave the cracks behind, but we know that takes what I lack So here I am between a rock and a hard place, bruised and cut and scared But I remind myself that you are far more black and blue than me, your cuts run deeper than mine and your scars have been there longer I lose.