My Little Corner of the World

i want to talk to you but im ugly

white person: *eats chicken tikka masala once* i just…. i feel so connected… to indian culture …. I’m learning to speak islam…. check out my third eye….. chakra

Every time I see this. Every damn time. I’m immediately sucked back into my fuckin. Fuckin English lit class with Mr. Fuckass McShit. Mr. “Hit the gong to begin class”, “Namaste, Children”, “I wanna go backpacking in India to find my spiritual awakening and also my left burkinstock that I lost during a cedar sauna drum circle” ass bastard. “Do you want to share your poetry with the class to get in touch with your emotions” ass fucker. Mr. “Here’s a photograph of a tribal shaman, describe him using nature words” asshole. Pretentious-ass, condescending motherfucker. “Do you want to tell us about your saddest memory?” “I dunno, sir. Are you giving me an option?” “No.” “Then why are you asking” Every goddamn day. Fuck. “You seem tense.” Oh, I seem tense? I seem tense. Well fuck, Professor Pillsbury, maybe I ‘seem tense’ because I walk into a room on five hours of sleep to the sound of a goddamn brass gong drilling through my brain and your seven-foot-nine, socks-and-sandals-wearing, patchouli-smelling ass immediately gravitates in my direction with some shit like “a tree……… Is a Poem” and I gotta sit here and politely tell you that No I’m Not Comfortable Telling The Class About A Time I Was Emotionally Vulnerable With A Loved One using words that sound like the way the color yellow smells. Maybe I don’t wanna sit in a circle and hold hands with Brittney from Computer Sciences to “align our auras” or some shit. Fuck. Fuuuuuuck. I swear to God, if I wanted to sing ‘kumbaya’ with a smelly old guy with gross facial hair who writes bad porn on the side, I’d go out to the parking lot and share a Hookah with Crazy Dan, the disgraced electrician. What, I don’t wanna do an interpretive dance to represent the spiritual experience of eating Quinoa in a room full of ambivalent preteens and suddenly I’m the ‘troubled youth’ you need to Robin Williams “O Captain My Captain” your way into having a Paternal Bonding Moment powerful enough to Expand My Impressionable Young Mind and Turn My Life Around, you goddamn saint, you? Jesus Fucking Christ. You insufferable jackass. You’re not “Enlightened”, you rolled out of bed and ate half a pot brownie, wrote a sad song about a leaf, and strolled into class to ramble about your Spirit Animal for six hours straight before calling it a day. Holy Jesus goddamned Christ. Fucking Balls, sir. Holy Fucking Balls

Okay but I wanna know what Crazy Dan did to become a disgraced electrician

What a goddamn ride.

…it’s still the wrong month. :P

oh hi thanks for checking in I’m still a piece of garbage

Dudes in 18th century would b like “if u don’t respond to my marriage proposal by next winter I’m going to enlist in the war and die .”

i resent being able to understand this post

I literally do not care what you look like naked. I don’t care if you have stretch marks, a chubby tummy, or hair on your belly. I don’t care if your thighs touch. I don’t care if you forgot to shave. I literally do not care about any of those things. The only thing I care about is teasing and pleasing the fuck out of you. Ain’t no stretch mark or hair gonna stop me from hearing you scream my name. When I love you I’m loving all of you.

~🥀

I don’t think I have ever seen a dog show straight up unabashed disgust to anything.

↖️ Is easily manipulated by dick.

everyone talkin about seasonal depression hitting after halloween, I got nothing to worry about. my seasonal depression is year round baby. three six five

YES, get clingy and attached to me; i like that shit so much.

i hate when people call their grandparents weird names instead of grandma and grandpa like babooshka or salami

i’m telling grandpa salami that you were talking shit