I’m running out of energy. Every now and then I think about how I used to feel here (and later twitter), how much I enjoyed hanging out with complete strangers, who later became so important to me, talking about two fictional guys loving each other, drawing for the simple pleasure of seeing my ideas or those of my friends realized. And now it’s all gone, I haven’t drawn anyhing for myself in years. All I draw is icons, all day long, getting nitpicky feedback on every single pixel. I keep hearing those nitpicky comments every time I try to draw anything other than work stuff. I even hear them when I look at other people’s art and it ruins everything. I was so happy to leave ubi, the toxic environment, the crazy bro culture and even crazier requests. I thought I found the right place...25 people collaborating on a tiny, cute little game and then we went from the frying pan into the fire, back into a mega corporation. Yay me. And I lost all the pleasure of doing everything I used to love. Surely it’s not just work...it’s been a few shitty years for everyone. Tough break up, forced co-living with ex bf due to covid restrictions, my dad getting ill, switching jobs, moving back home and finally losing dad and having to deal with everything alone, not just the emotional stuff but the merely bureaucratic shit...I honestly feel like a broken vase held together with duct tape. And the more I think about it the more I would give a kidney to get back to 2016.
