EL SEEN

And no one could ever replace that…

Lalo na in this season of preparing

In this season of “i just dont want to talk to anyone”

In this season of solitude

I am beyond grateful for her ket nasa ibang bansa sya

I miss that random check ups

I miss that random message at night— you knew how quietly i am but my thoughts were the loudest

I just miss you.

If I have a chance to go back— ayun yung babalikan ko

Nakakahinga na. Sa mga nakalipas na buwan sobrang halo halo ang lahat. Ngayon ko na nga lang ulit maupuan ang lahat ng emosyon.

I lost my spark in doing everything. Because of that one phrase that caused a wound into my heart for months. + may thesis kapang inaasikaso tas may emotional wounds kang dinedeal ang hirap.

To that one person, I hope that you are well. Sana masaya ka, I am still processing the things you have said. Minsan nakakagalit. Pero I know this anger is out of love. Laki ng epekto ng sinabi mo, ng desisyon mo. Patas na tayo. I am better on the other side. Sadyang mahirap kalang kalimutan— kasi I am still human enough to look at that wound sometimes. To lookback at our memories sometimes.And it’s good because its a reminder na hindi pa ko fully healed. Nakakalungkot lang, kasi biglang tumaas na naman tong wall ko when it comes sa friendship and I think—it’s good. And dahil don, i never believe in the concept of having a bestfriend. Yung gunting na akala ko tinapon natin, ayun hawak mo. Unti unti kong tinatanggap na tapos na ang pahina mo. Okay na ko, iniisip ko nalang na it is so kind of you to leave.

To the past, that took me three years

Now— it took me a seconds to realize those words

Still, missin you

But I have to cross on something new.

Hindi sila ikaw.

Ewan ko ba

Kakaiba ka.

Nung unang beses na magsasabi ako ng ruta

Na magiging isang manlalakbay na makata

Eto, lagi nang nakatulala.

May mga bagay na nawala

Pero may mga bagay na nanatili

Ewan, di naman ako bula

Unang Pahina.

Hindi ko alam paano simulan

Hindi ko alam kung hanggang saan—

Ako maglalakbay.

Huwag sanang sumablay

Sa hamon nitong buhay

Ang makata ay muling naggayak

Patungo sa ligaya at galak

Na matagal na niyang binalak

Kaya sisimulan niya ang unang pagtapak

Bilang isang makatang manglalakbay.

how you never ask out why green thing is always my choice

Instead, you tried it yourself,

took a quiet sip,

and with a knowing smile simply said,

Paano kung puwede bang dyan ka nalang?

Mga kuwento mo’y sobrang kilala na.

Kahit paulit ulit mong ipaalala.

Paulit ulit ko na ring nakakabisa.

Mga galit na hindi mawari

Sa likod ay puno ng pighati.

Mga salitang hindi mo nais sambitin.

Ngunit wala ka nang magawa kundi banggitin.

Kahit ang mga mata ko’y palubog na.

Pipiliin kong mulatin kahit ayaw ko na.

Pero napagtanto kong mahal kita.