Avid and I hadn't been friends in about half a year following some dispute over Merch and prices. I gave him a quote for emotes, he complained about it being to high, haggled me down and still "asked" if I had a bulk discount since another artist he was working with also offered him one and we were friends after all. I told him if the price was an issue he could commission another artist, he refused and we went forward with the commission at the reduced price. This hasn't been the first time money became an issue working together. He had a habit of only paying through goods and services (it deducts a service fee from my end, not his- resulting in incomplete payments for me) or simply not paying the full amount. He has never payed me a licence fee for any of my merch designs and instead promised me 50% of his sales- I have not seen a payment of this. Meanwhile he told me I was financially taking advantage of him. (Never mentioning the free gifts, logos and other stuff I had done free of charge)
When he messaged me, ending our friendship, following the emote situation, he said things to me that made me doubt every relationship I had with my friends. I was made to believe that everybody hated me, that he was the only one I had left and that he was foolish for believing in me. I was crushed, heartbroken and scared.
Meanwhile he lied to others about me in order to isolate me further. The tamest of these lies being that we were still friends and that he just wasn't working with me anymore. However the things I heard about me afterwards were horrible and made me seriously sick to my stomach. Not only did he claim that I called him selfish amongst other things after he confided in me with suicidal thoughts, apparently never made him feel better in these situations despite being his personal therapists and most horrifyingly of all he fabricated very serious rpe allegations against me. This last part I cannot take lightly as I myself have been a victim of rpe/sexual ab#se in the past. Avid knew how much this still effected me to this day- he could have chosen any other lie but this one is unforgivable in my eyes. Both the supposed victim and I were mortified when we were told about this. I hope I don't have to say this but I will to cover everything: I did in fact never do anything of the sorts and am appalled by this.
Being isolated, having all my relationships in doubt and overall everything happening made me consider a lot of things. This was a truly dark time in my life. I considered deleting all my socials, videos and my Twitch and everything Rubyco, therefore being "gone for good" and sadly it went as far as considering truly ending it all. I do have amazing friends and even in these moments I wasn't ever alone, I will never be able to thank all of them enough for what they did for me. I am better now, though still battling with the programmed feeling of loneliness and distrust that had been installed so long ago.
Avid and I had been friends for years and it is hard to see this new version of him. I still want to believe that the guy I became friends with is still in there but after everything that came to light these past days and even months- I have to accept that this version of him is gone.
I haven't gone over Marm in this as we hadn't been as close as people could have thought. At some point it was impossible getting her or Avid alone since they would always stick together, attached at the hip. Avid also replaced me with her for the Friday streams after they got together, which I admittedly got a little salty over. Marm has lashed out over small disagreement or "callouts" before, making me feel like I was the bad guy in every one of them. After a while she stopped talking to me as a whole except for SBK interactions we couldn't avoid.
I was somewhat of a personal therapist/social worker for both of them, worrying about them, working with them and at some point even having scheduled meetings with them, yet I didn't see this side of them for way too long. I am not the only person he affected negatively. I am not the only person he attacked and definitely am not alone in having your entire character and story misconstrued, lied about and manipulated to fit his narrative of being a victim. I wish everyone that was affected by his actions to be able to heal from this. I know I have gotten closer to some people despite, no probably because, of this and they are all such wonderful and strong people.
Be kind to yourself, this is all you owe yourselves especially now <3
this is the text I have come up with, if you have any questions, thoughts or whatever let me know. Much love to y'all <3
Also please do not beat yourself up about "not knowing" us as his close friends didn't know either- this is not your fault
