AJCans

enjin

enjin is not bad with kids because he’s scary. 

he’s bad with kids because he has zero filter and zero sense of what is appropriate. 

the man treats children like they are small adults, which would be fine if he wasn’t the kind of adult who says the most unhinged things possible. 

kid walks up to him once and asks what he’s doing. 

enjin replies with “checking out how grabbable that woman’s waist looks.” 

the kid nods like they understood. 

the bigger problem though is that enjin actively corrupts children without realizing it. 

a kid once asked what the cigarette in his mouth was. 

this man. this absolute menace. casually holds it out and goes, “wanna try?” 

everyone else: “ENJIN.” 

the kid was literally reaching for it, too. 

he also swears around kids constantly. 

he forgets they’re there. 

so he’ll be mid conversation like, “yeah, and then that guy who probably likes taking dick up the ass–” 

tiny child sitting next to him absorbing every word like a sponge. 

a few hours later that same child is walking around repeating every curse word they heard. 

enjin is also the worst at answering kids’ questions. 

kid: “where do trash beasts come from?” 

enjin, lighting another cigarette: “probably poor life choices.” 

kid: “what’s a poor life choice?” 

enjin: “… smoking cigarettes.” 

the other cleaners have had to physically drag him away from impressionable children multiple times. 

zanka nijiku

zanka isn’t trying to be mean to kids. 

he just has ZERO patience for them. 

like… -1000 patience. 

the moment a child starts asking too many questions his internal stress levels start climbing. 

a kid goes “what’s that?” 

zanka: “my vital instrument – lovely assistaff.” 

“what does it do?” 

“she cleans and kills trash beasts.” 

“… why?” 

zanka’s eye visible twitches. 

kids also have a terrible habit of touching things they shouldn’t, and zanka is NOT built for that. 

a child once grabbed his lovely assistaff. 

zanka snatched it back instantly and snapped, “DON’T TOUCH THINGS YA DON’T UNDERSTAND, SCUZZBALL.” 

the kid burst into tears. immediate, catastrophic crying. 

zanka froze like someone just detonated a bomb in front of him. 

he has no idea what to do when kids cry. 

absolutely none. 

the panic that hits him is unreal. 

he just stands there stiff as a statue while the kid sobs. 

internally he’s thinking: why are they making that noise. how do i stop that noise. someone please remove this child. 

once he tried to fix it by awkwardly patting the kid’s head. 

the kid cried harder. 

he has never attempted comfort again. 

august stilza

august is the scariest one to children without even trying. 

first of all: he is loud. 

like… ABSURDLY loud. 

kids are used to adults talking normally. 

august walks into a room and suddenly it’s “HEY!!! WHO LEFT THIS HERE?!” 

three children immediately start crying. 

he also forgets that kids are much smaller than him, so when he kneels down to talk to them he’s still towering over them like a masked titan. 

and then there’s the masks. 

oh no. 

august proudly makes these terrifying masks for fun and thinks kids will love them. 

he once crouched down in front of a child and said, “LOOK WHAT I MADE!” 

then pulled out the most horrifying handmade mask imaginable. 

the kid stared at it. 

then slowly started screaming. 

august looked genuinely confused. 

“WHAT? IT’S COOL!” 

the kid was crying so hard they hiccupped. 

august also doesn’t understand inside voice vs outside voice. 

so when a kid asks him a quiet question he responds at full volume. 

like the kid will be whispering: “what’s your mask for…?” 

august, enthusiastically: “INTIMIDATION!!!” 

the kid jumped. 

he once accidentally made a whole playground go silent just by laughing. 

his laugh is huge and booming and echoes everywhere. 

every child within a ten foot radius froze like prey animals sensing a predator. 

august was just like “… why is everyone staring at me?” 

tamsy caines

tamsy is actually good with kids in theory. 

he’s calm, patient, and doesn’t yell. if you just looked at him from afar you’d think oh yeah, that guy could totally babysit. 

the issue is that tamsy gives off deeply unsettling vibes to children. 

like the kind of calm where kids stare at him and immediately decide something is off… 

he kneels down to talk to a kid and just… watches them. 

not blinking. 

perfectly still. 

the kid starts getting nervous because this man is studying them like a science experiment. 

the kid’s like “why are you looking at me like that…?” 

tamsy (he’s genuinely curious): “i’m observing your behavioral patterns.” 

the kid is already halfway to crying. 

he also asks kids very strange questions because he treats them like little psychological puzzles. 

things like: “why do you think you’re afraid right now?” “do you feel safe when adults smile?” “what do you think happens after death?” 

the adults in the room immediately intervene. 

another problem is that tamsy’s version of comforting someone is wayyyyyy too serious for a child. 

a kid cries because they dropped their candy. 

tamsy crouches down and gently says, “loss is an inevitable part of life.” 

the kid stares at him in horror. 

he once tried to cheer a child up by telling them a story. 

except the story was about a brutal fight he had. 

very calm narration. 

very graphic implications. 

the kid sat there completely silent the whole time. 

afterwards they asked their parent if tamsy was a villain. 

he wasn’t even trying to scare them. 

he’s just… philosophically terrifying. or actually just evil, but who knows. 

zodyl typhon

zodyl is the absolute worst person imaginable to leave around children. 

not because he’s mean. 

because he has zero awareness of how horrifying his habits are. 

children are curious little creatures. 

so of course one eventually approaches him and asks what he’s eating. 

and zodyl, without hesitation, just pops a whole roach in his mouth. 

crunch. 

the kid watches in stunned silence. 

zodyl casually chews like he’s eating popcorn. 

the kid: “… was that a cockroach?” 

zodyl: “yeah.” 

immediate screaming. 

it gets worse if there are animals nearby. 

one time a bird flew down close to him while kids were around. 

before anyone could react, zodyl GRABBED it. 

BIT into it. 

raw. 

the children witnessed the entire thing. 

absolute chaos. 

crying. 

panic. 

zodyl just looked confused like “… what?” 

someone finally shouted: “YOU CAN’T DO THAT IN FRONT OF KIDS.” 

he genuinely didn’t understand the problem. 

he also has the habit of eating literally anything he finds, so kids will watch him pick something up off the ground and immediately test it for edibility. 

the final straw was when a child asked him what his favorite food was. 

zodyl thought about it. 

then calmly pointed at a pigeon nearby. 

the kid burst into tears before he even moved. 

if there was a rule saying zodyl is not allowed to eat anything in front of children, unfortunately it would last about 10 minutes before he forgets and crunches another insect. 

jabber wonger

oh. oh this one is BAD. 

jabber is not bad with kids because he hates them. 

he’s bad with kids because he forgets that children exist and continues behaving like… well… jabber. 

kids are naturally curious, so of course one wanders up to him while he’s doing something suspicious. 

the kid taps him on the shoulder. 

jabber slowly turns his head. 

with a shit-eating grin. 

the kind of grin that immediately triggers fight or flight in every small child within a five mile radius. 

he crouches down, staring way too intensely, eyes wide like he just discovered a rare species. 

the kid: “… hi?” 

jabber: “what are you?” 

the kid blinks. 

then jabber starts asking rapid-fire questions like he’s interrogating them. 

“how old are you?” 

“can you fight?” 

“what happens if you bite someone?” 

“do you wanna try my poisons?” 

the kid is already overwhelmed. 

then jabber laughs. 

loudly. way too loudly. 

the kind of laugh that sounds like someone who definitely should NOT be around children. 

but the worst thing is that jabber thinks kids are hilarious little chaos gremlins, so he actively encourages the worst behavior possible. 

kid throws a rock. 

jabber: “do it again.” 

kid pushes another kid. 

jabber: “oh that one cried fast.” 

he once watched two children arguing and just sat there smiling like he was watching a reality show. 

someone finally asked him why he didn’t stop them. 

jabber shrugged. “i wanted to see who would win.” 

there was also the time a kid asked what he did for work. 

“i’m a professional zanka annoyer.” 

the kid: “… what’s a zanka?” 

jabber smiles. “my favorite problem.” 

jabber has been officially labeled “do not approach children.” 

fu orostor

fu is the most tragic babysitter possible. 

not because he’s scary. 

but because he CANNOT function without orders. 

leaving him alone with a child is basically like leaving a robot that hasn’t been programmed yet. 

the kid walks up to him. 

fu freezes. 

staring. 

waiting. 

because in his mind he’s thinking: no one told me what to do in this situation. 

the kid: “hi!” 

fu just nods awkwardly. 

long silence. 

the child eventually asks something simple like: “can we play?” 

fu internally panics. 

play WHAT. 

HOW. 

WHO DECIDES. 

what if the kid gets hurt?????!!! 

that would technically be his fault. 

unless… 

unless someone ordered him to play. 

so he does the only thing his brain can think of. 

he goes to the nearest adult and quietly asks: “should i… interact with the child?” 

they stare at him like he’s stupid. 

another problem is that fu is terrified of making decisions, so if a kid asks him literally anything, he freezes. 

kid: “can i have candy?” 

fu: “… i don’t know.” 

kid: “can we go outside?” 

fu: “… i don’t know.” 

kid: “can we draw?” 

fu: “… i don’t know.” 

the kid eventually gets frustrated, but starts playing on the floor. 

fu is standing behind them like a very polite ghost. 

the kid turns around and screams because they didn’t realize he was still there. 

fu jumps too because now the kid is screaming and he doesn’t have instructions for that either. 

eventually someone tells him, “if they cry, comfort them.” 

fu nods very seriously. 

later the kid starts crying. 

fu kneels down stiffly and says in the most awkward voice imaginable: “please stop crying.” 

the kid cries harder. 

fu looks around like he just triggered a disaster and whispers to himself: “… i followed the instructions.”