it's spiraling time

But it’s not so enjoy

the opposite of a little goody two-shoes would be big baddie bare feet lol. nevermind I don't like this post anymore

call his pussy british the way that I’m innit

oh this orange is going to be so fucking dry and juiceless

peeled off one of the sections and i was like that’s what bad pussy sounds like

Somebody has learned I was keeping the paper towels on top of the fridge and then taught herself to jump on top of my cabinets so my paper towels are no longer safe

oh, the sweet irony of his death. designed for this life—yet never meant to endure it

What happened?

i dropped a goldfish cracker in the bathtub :(

Pussy corrosive. Pussy explosive. I look at that pussy, it’s what I need a dose of. Pussy eroding. Pussy abrasive. I look at that pussy, it’s what I need a taste of. Pussy be stinging. Pussy be hurting. Pussy be sizzling when it’s supposed to be squirting. Pussy disintegrating. Pussy dissolving. Pussy turning heads, that shit is revolving.

The thing about bugs bunny is that he lives and dies by his bits. He’s fully capable of killing you if he wanted, but the thing is, not only is he a nice guy, he’s a funny guy. To beat bugs bunny, many people assume that you just have to not fall for the jokes. If he hits you with a pie, you don’t flinch, and eventually you’ll ware him down. The issue is, misery will only last you so long. There’s only so much bits to endure before it becomes funny. And whoever is getting laughed at is losing. Instead, to kill bugs bunny, you have to beat him at his own game. When he throws a pie, don’t try to sidestep or be a sourpuss, that’s playing into his hands. Instead, you comically open your mouth and swallow it whole. This is how you kill a god.

when I was younger I spent too much time on rp chat sites, and one time I was John F. Kennedy and this stranger asked me what it felt like to get my head blown off or something. Like genuinly. And, idk I’m 14 years old. Anyways, I gave them a very non-problematic, artistic, answer, something like “I felt a breeze of fresh air and remembered my childhood” etc etc. And the stranger replied “that’s beautiful” and I replied “actually it was head hurtyyy head owwiee” and they replied by saying that I should be ashamed of myself for desecrating his memory or whatever. First of all, I have no excuse but it’s funny, and second of all, who asks that? What was it like to die? Nobody knows

love telling people i’m “about to jump in the shower” like it’s just a quick 15 minute task and not a 3 hour long ordeal where i sit on my bed staring at nothing for ages before dragging my heavy body into the bathroom to collapse onto the floor of the tub so i can let the water scald me 

had a dream where my mom tried to give our Venus fly trap a spoonful of milk and it immediately started hacking and coughing like an adult human man