Nobody knows;

Prohibit el pas: drac en quarantena

Photo by Luca Micheli on Unsplash

Hi havia una vegada, en una cova prop del poble de Montblanc, un drac confinat. Sí, ho heu llegit bé, un drac que feia dies que no es trobava gaire fi, el cap li bullia i quan intentava treure foc pels queixals, s’ofegava i començava a tossir sense parar. Una tos horrible que ressonava per les entranyes de la cova, fent un eco aterridor que empitjorava encara…

Photo by Morgan Von Gunten

8th of April, 2020

Ladies and gentlemen, I can finally say goodbye to those sleepless nights staring at the ceiling… I’m officially immune. Take that, COVID-19! When Dr Crownie told me over the phone, my three-eyed-glasses almost crashed on the floor from the excitement. I got so pumped that I immediately created an event on Facebook to celebrate my immunity. I…

Guess what, I’m an alien! (Chapter 7)

Easter 2020 in a nutshell. Yes, I know it’s not a egg. Photo by Brunno Tozzo

2nd of April, 2020

I feel like it has been Sunday for ten days in a row but I have the impression this might not be possible. At least, here on Earth. Anyway, somehow I forgot to write in my diary… Luckily I didn’t forget about my virtual appointment with my GP several days ago. Dr Crownie, still wearing his…

Photo by Fusion Medical Animation on Unsplash

24th of March, 2020

I have to admit that when Dave first mentioned it, I was about to bake a cake because I thought they had discovered a new asteroid. Turns out it’s not exactly that. And it’s not good news. But I was kind of close. Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sure you know there’s a new virus going around. What tou might not know is that there’s…

Mind-blowing moments of 2019

Washine-machine safe tissues (Read again. Yes. Funny spelling mistakes)

Realising that I’ve been pronouncing the word ‘sandwich’ wrong all my life (and feeling comforted by knowing that it’s a common mistake amongst Spanish and Italian speakers)

Realising that ‘tanga’ means the same in Catalan and Hungarian

Period-proof panties

Some buses in Edinburgh finally have separate doors for getting on and…

Guess what, I’m an alien! (Chapter 5)

Weirdly-shaped things I can lift with my pinkie

20th of January, 2020

Today it’s meant to be the most depressing day of the year but I’m over the moon! Christmas is over and the calm has been restored. Dave (sorry, Santa Claus) was a total sweetheart and gave me a pair of wonderful handmade woolen socks which happened to fit me perfectly (I’ll save them for the summer though: now it’s far…

Someone should have warned me about this. I mean, I knew about the bagpipes. The rain. The Highland cows. But this? Is it a gift for Pomona, the Roman Goddess of fruit and nut trees? A Celtic ritual? A prank? First, it was a banana skin. Then, a handful of grapes. Maybe it’s just a genuine act of goodwill. But hey, whoever left the skin of a banana wasn’t feeling too generous, don’t you think? 

Only certain people were allowed there. The requirements were secret and confidential, so if you wanted to join the club, you had to request an appointment and wait to be assessed. There was no way one could prepare for it, as you would do for an audition or exam, and that was part of the deal. Looking through the bars, I spotted an intriguing sign: “No items to be left in walkway or chained to…

No need for binoculars

It was very toasty in there. It wasn’t necessarily good or bad. But it was definitely something worth mentioning. And there was a really annoying noise in the background. I don’t know how to describe it. It was hard to focus on the job. Every 10 minutes or so, a light breeze would come in and someone would stare at us. Just between you and me, the situation was quite violent. I don’t remember…

Guess what, I’m an alien! (Chapter 4)

10th of December, 2019 I have 2 friends and a half. Yipee! And no, I didn’t cut anyone in half. Yet. It’s just that we’re almost friends, but we’re not quite there yet. I think there’s potential though. About 74.3%.

15th of December, 2019 I met up with Dave last night. We had a blast. Please don’t judge me, but I tried one of the “funny” drinks: gin and tonic. I felt nothing apart from bubbles…

Guess what, I’m an alien! (Chapter 3)

16th of November, 2019 I miss my friends. I miss our evenings playing hide and seek with the stars. Our meteor cakes. And swimming in sweet water. My closest connections tend to describe me as a cheerful individual because I’m usually smiling and I have a good sense of humour. Truth is I struggle sometimes. I know there is no longer space for me up there. It’s just so hard to accept that I’ll…

Guess what, I’m an alien! (Chapter 2)

8th of November, 2019 I’ve been thinking of going to the beach for a while now. Sandcastles, water and jellyfish seem like an interesting combination. I’m a bit nervous because it’ll be my first time. I did some research to ease my mind and found out that I need a swimsuit, a towel, flip-flops and sunscreen. I still haven’t figured out what sunscreen factor would be more suitable for my skin. I’ve…

Guess what, I’m an alien! (Chapter 1)

28th of May, 2019

Today, at 9.07am the doctor told me I was an alien. An alien? What was that supposed to mean? “You might have noticed you have 3 eyes”. Well, of course. There have always been there. What was the problem with that? “Well, you see… normal people usually have only 2”. Normal people? Usually? Too much for today. I’ll go to sleep and pretend all this never happened.

1st of June,…

Good morning and thank you kindly for not throwing this beautifully folded leaflet in the recycling bin,

If you are a cat owner looking for some insightful information on how to understand your cat better, let me tell you a secret: you never will! I mean, you’ve come to the right place.

If you are a cat -Congratulations!-, you already know that… Every day is Christmas!

(If you are new to this…