“I’M GETTING BETTER”

Bring out your dead. Eh, close enough.

IM NOT YET DEAD SIR

You left out the part where the ant, believing HERSELF to be dead, stayed in self imposed exile in the ant graveyard until the acid wore off and she realized she was not supposed to be in the ant graveyard.

@finite-experience, this seems like the sort of thing you’d like to see

Ant 2, returning to the colony: i lived bitch

This is simply the best thing I have ever seen.

thanks for your help everyone! i can now sigh a breath of relief and continue completely ignoring american horror story with no possibility of regret

full fruit trees in random yards that I pass while driving are more tempting to me than any man ever will be

this is what got us kicked out of eden, cuz u hoes can’t follow rules

So my brother and I were best friends growing up. He was hilarious and we got into all kinds of trouble. I still can’t believe some of the shit we got away with. Anyway I guess he had a nervous breakdown one day and accidentally killed a guy. I saw what happened and it totally wasn’t his fault. But he ran away, ranting about how his entire life was a lie or something. Turns out, he was adopted and our parents never told us. I didn’t hear from him for a few years after that. Then he just shows up at this party I’m having. He’s totally grown out his beard like some kind of mountain man. But whatever, my brother is back! So I welcome him home and he pulls this snake out of nowhere. Like, an actual snake. So I try to play it cool. Knowing my brother, this has got to be some kind of practical joke. But my buddies flip out and next thing I know, they pull out some snakes too. I’m thinking, I have to get this under control before this turns into a goddamn reptile show. But before I can say anything, my brother’s snake eats their snakes, which, okay, I guess that improves the situation? So I take my brother aside and ask him what prank he’s trying to pull. That’s when he gets all serious. He reminds me that our dad did some pretty shady stuff, which wasn’t really that big of a deal to me but I guess it was to him. He tells me to check my privilege or some shit and that I should let his people go and anyway that’s how I lost my brother to social justice.

How is this not a @one-time-i-dreamt post?

IS THIS THE STORY OF MOSES

don’t worry, you’re still in the “early life” part of your wikipedia page