On male identified lesbians:
People have tried to get lesbians to date men for forever. Homophobia and misogyny compound: Corrective rape, conversion therapy, sexual harassment and assault (i.e. "lesbian breaking"), higher scrutiny of our mental state. Men saying "I like women too haha, I'm a lesbian too ahaha" to try to fuck lesbians. There are tons of horrendous things men have said that I don't need to list. If you're a lesbian you can probably just remember something that you've heard yourself.
Transphobes think of trans men as women, and trans women as men. I don't think anyone would disagree with that, broadly speaking. Within the lesbian community, transphobes (ESPECIALLY t(w)erfs) have tried to push out trans women while pulling in trans men: Trans women lesbians are "male invaders." Trans men are degendered as well; seen as butch women, studs, or mascs, but still more "woman" than trans women. Importantly though, trans men are not denied access to the lesbian community. Trans men are not seen as predators, or rapists, like trans women are.
What smacks of the same terfish bioessentialism that shuns trans women while accepting trans men is the near constant discussion of this question: "Can trans men be lesbians" is asking for permission for men to enter lesbian spaces. It's asking politely, but it's pushing the same rhetoric that terfs use. It's treating trans men as if they are innately female, and by extension, trans women as if we are innately male.
So when people argue (or plead, or demand) that trans men can be lesbians, I want to ask them: Can cisgender men be lesbians too? If personal testimony is what is required to identify as such, is Drake a lesbian, since he said he was one? I don't think anyone would seriously defend a "yes" to either of those questions. So the next question is this: Why is the answer different for trans men?
I understand that men who have previously identified as lesbians feel they may lose community by transitioning. I might suggest to them the same thing I would suggest to all men who want to be in (not exclusively, but primarily) women's spaces: you don't have to fuck us in order to be our friends.
Often left out of posts which argue the "opposite" of my position (and in fact, all discussions I have seen on the topic) is the language required to justify it. The question is really, much of the time, whether nonbinary men can be lesbians. Binary men, by definition, cannot be homosexually attracted to women. If you're a binary man and you like women, welcome to being heterosexual. The language lacking from most discussions is the inclusion of being nonbinary. Nonbinary people regardless of being transfem or transmasc are welcome within the lesbian community. If you are a nonbinary man, you know yourself best. You shouldn't need to ask lesbians to validate your gender/sexuality.
To all those who feel the need to vocalize their connection between lesbianism and manhood, please let me tell you this: If you as a man want to be a lesbian, knock yourself out. But stop trying to ask niceys for lesbians to accept you into our spaces and cry about it when we express discomfort. If you or your partner are a man, and you count your relationship as lesbian or sapphic, mozel tav. Just don't act surprised when I assume you are not safe for me to be around. If you want to date men while calling yourself a lesbian, go ahead! It's your life. All I ask is that you don't look at lesbians sideways when we don't assume you have the best intentions.
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