Space War Go Bad

@salt-thetech-duck

“Yeah what is-“

I turn around, realize it’s not one of my troopers tapping me and instantly pull my revolver and fix it to your chest. I blink and holster it again.

We board the dropship which zooms up to a corvette and redeploy to my larger base. The alien battleship I found hovers behind the base like a looming god. Most of the lights are off on board as I clearly don’t have the crew for it. Our shuttle drops us off at a frigate docked near the central hangar. It’s in decent shape and has TCN Panama written on the side.

“There she is. The first of the ‘new’ series of raggedy old ships I’ve been fixing up.”

We approach it

[a few pages were printed out]

“I’ll get this to the IT guys”

Pointing at battleship

“Yeah that’s our big boy. She’s a bit of a project vehicle but she’s got promise. I don’t wanna modify her o until we can like make her work normally so I’ll start you out on our smaller ships, starting with this one right here.”

I point at the Panama

Mrrppp, miaowww

Mrrppp, miaowww

@salt-thetech-duck

“Yeah what is-“

I turn around, realize it’s not one of my troopers tapping me and instantly pull my revolver and fix it to your chest. I blink and holster it again.

We board the dropship which zooms up to a corvette and redeploy to my larger base. The alien battleship I found hovers behind the base like a looming god. Most of the lights are off on board as I clearly don’t have the crew for it. Our shuttle drops us off at a frigate docked near the central hangar. It’s in decent shape and has TCN Panama written on the side.

“There she is. The first of the ‘new’ series of raggedy old ships I’ve been fixing up.”

We approach it

Mrrppp, miaowww

“Straighter please identify yourself?”

{I manage to land the fighter and lock it in place, then I come inside to meet you.}

{I hug back, then point at the suit.}

I put my helmet on.

“TCN standard issue EVA suit, you’ve probably worn one before. However, I was feeling a little eccentric today so they’ve been lightly modified. Hehe”

I grab two of the cases out from under the table and hold each by their handle.

{I don the suit, and grab the last case, turning to face you.}

“It’s a simple modification to the hydration system. The helmet hardware is exactly the same, the straw is in the same place and works the same way as it would normally. However, I have replaced the big water tank with three smaller liquid tanks each containing a different wine. I have also taken the liberty of pairing these wines with the weapons that we are about to test-fire.”

The other airlock door opens. I look at you with a giddy, wide grin and gesture at the platform outside.

Ain’t you classy. I’m a vodka gal, but I ain’t gonna turn down perfectly good wine..

I step out onto the platform and magnetize the boxes onto the platform. One grey and the smallest and has ‘WARNING SHOCK HAZARD’ stamped on it. The second is olive drab and the widest and has explosives warning stickers all over it. The final one is the longest, pitch black, and has a picture of a magnet on it.

{I point at the explosive marked one.}

“T37 missile launch system. Originally developed for anti-air but has proven itself against most lightly armored vehicles. It’s supposed to have a three-missile magazine on top of the weapon but that’s insane, makes it way too heavy, and never fucking works. So I’ll just reload you between shots. Also it’s lock-on and dumb fire so the worlds your oyster”

I hand you the weapon, load it, and then stand next to you with the other two missiles.

“Let’s show these meteorites who’s boss.”

I push a panel on my arm and start drinking wine out do the straw in my helmet.

{I heft the launcher in my hands, examining it.}

Mm. Yeah.. this’ll do nicely. Never really used these things.. but I’ve been targeted by many a shoulder mounted launcher before in my fighter. Shortly before the bearer is incinerated, usually.

{I flick out the sight and point it towards a distant meteor, and also drink some wine. I fire, sending the rocket blazing out of the launcher, propellant kicking in and slinging it towards the meteor, which shortly explodes into a thousand little pieces in a bright fireball. I smirk.}

I load another missile into the launcher.

{I lock on to another meteor, firing a little off target to test the tracking. The missile swings around and slams into it, detonating fiercely.}

“They’re pretty swank right? Must not’ve been very fun to get shot at by them. If youre TCN and you were getting hit by these things… what was that? The Allis and Durnahm hostile takeover? The one where they ended up glassing a planet to raise the price of microchips? I think I almost got deployed for that.”

I watch the asteroid pieces scatter into the void.

{I fire the last one at a distant meteor, testing the range. It takes a second to reach it, but once it does, it explodes all the same. I lower the launcher, staring out into space.}

I look back at the small grey crate with shock hazard stickers and the long black crate with a magnet sticker.

{I laugh.}

I walk over and kick open the grey box. Inside is A weapon with the back of a rifle and the front of a massive cylinder covered in wires.

{I take it, inspecting it, feeling how it sits in my hand.}

I was.. well.. taken there for a wardship. Miss Tenko stuck me with class D's, and... w-well. I agreed to be her f-floret..

{You notice I'm blushing, looking flustered.}

And, uh. She cuddled me, and stuff.. and drugged me more. It was.. nice.. ahem.

“Dude yeah we should try something. Like a doctor or something. You still seem a little off kilter.”

I get the battery pack out of the kit and set it up, plugging the power cord into the gun.

“I’ll never understand how you survive even talking to those fucking things, the plants drive me insane, they sound like upper management at this job I had out of college. I worked for MedTec, you might’ve heard of them. I know a little while after I got drafted they got nailed in the press for doing a bunch of horrible shit. I was thankfully so low level that all I did was process tissue samples but still eugh… anyway we’d get all these emails about ‘take care of your health!’ ‘Always remember to maintain yourself!’ ‘give us your biometric data or we’re cancelling your insurance!’ If someone who has no vested interest in your survival tells you they care about your health, you should automatically be afraid because that means they want something from you and it might be blood or to work you to death.”

I stare at you and the gun emptily.

{I shudder a little happily, tail wagging. I grab a plushie off my belt and hug it, blushing. The plushie seems a little…. Off. Like it’s influencing me in some way.}

I… I wanna keep it.. it makes me feel safe.. you can’t have it..

{I smile and hand it over cheerfully.}

I take it out of your hand and force my smile even harder. I begin backing up slowly and clutch it to my chest. My head starts to spin and I begin to consider whether the compact is really that bad after all. They have some nice bathtubs I’ve heard. Would be pretty killer to just slide into one of those and float. Hey and they’d be a lot nicer to me than the accord. My death sentence would cease to exist, I wouldn’t need to worry about money, and everything would be perfect. What am I doing with free will anyway. Maybe I should learn to love the government.

“AAH FUCK”

I slam the stuffed animal into the gun case, lock it, and sit on it.

H-hey, hey..! That’s… don’t take Anya away from me..! Give her back..

{I try to get at the plush in the case, but I can’t. I whine.}

“Aphid! Aphid stop it you’ve gotta listen to me!”

I body block you more.

“Damnit aphid they put something in the bear! It’s beaming signals into our brains! You were passing out just now until I took the bear away! It’s their like mind control thing they do! They put it in the bear!”

I realize I’m floating and awkwardly shuffle back down.

{I give up on trying to get in the crate and sit down, sniffling.}

I scoot backwards, bracing for you to attack me.

{I whimper. Clearly I’m extremely attached to this bear.. and by extension, Tenko.}

I mutter to myself as I stare nervously at the deathray and then back up at you.

“It’ll be so quick, she won’t feel a thing! We’ll just get that nasty little parasite out of her and then she’ll be all better! You don’t want your stuffed animals to have parasites do you? She’ll feel so much better afterward!

“Okay now I’m seriously afraid because you’re still saying insane shit but you’re saying it normally… Dude what is going on? Do you actually mean that or is it the drugs talking? And what’s a biorhythm? I’m scared and deeply, deeply confused.”

I look down at the case and my hands start shaking a little.

“We haven’t even finished the wine. Stick around. I don’t wanna be alone on this base anyway. I grow weary of sitting around alone… I’ll give you the bear back. I’m sorry I took it, I thought it was like maiming you.”

I hand the case back

I drink some of the wine out of the straw in my helmet.

“What is a biorhythm, what does it do, how do I counter it besides putting it in a box? Addendum: Will the bear make me fold over and start crying and loving the government like it did to you?”

I drink the straw dry.

…also, I don’t love the compact. Fuck ‘em. I just… d-don’t mind Miss Tenko, is all..

{I look at the plushie in my hands. I hesistate.. almost throwing it out into space. I look conflicted.. angry… and very, very sad. I turn to you, eyes hollow, and hold it out.}

No. I’m going to save the universe. Because I’m the hero. And I AM strong.

“I was gonna cut the emitter out and give it back to you but I mean the death ray will also do it.”

I walk up and pat you on your shoulder.

“Uhh Aphid I wanna show you something really quick.”

I take a step back and start rooting through my space suit’s tactical vest. One pocket has a grenade, another is full of miscellaneous bullets, another is full of a wad of papers with IMPORTANT! Stamped on them. Finally I pull out a small plushie cow. It was clearly rainbow patterned in the distant past but the colors have long faded and you can see four major stitch marks across it from past repairs.

“This is Spots and she’s the only reason I have made it this far in this dog ass war. Every thing I do, every battle, every firefight, every mutiny, all of it I do with this cow in my pocket that I’ve had for most of my life. Sometimes at night I hold her and sob uncontrollably.”

I start pacing around

“I’m telling you this to illustrate the fact that you aren’t a weakling for wanting a stuffed animal, or wanting to be held, or collapsing onto the floor and crying when someone takes your shit. If someone took this cow from me and the option to reduce them to atoms wasn’t present I would also probably lose my shit.”

I turn to face you again

{I remove the capsule from the barrel of the death ray and incinerate @salt-thetech-duck’s plushie thing with it without even looking at it. I sling the weapon across my back.}

I’m keeping this thing. I like it.

I point at the gun

I pick up the two remaining weapons boxes and throw the spent bazooka inside the base.

“If it’s a rescue op I’m super down. The ship’s yours and I’ll throw some gear on and come with. Lets fuck some shit up”

I chug the rest of the wine in my helmet

{I pat you on the back and salute you coldly. My eyes are fiery and determined. There is no hint of sadness any more.}

“Woah cowgirl, what’s the plan? You know I’m not exactly risk averse. We basically ftl rammed an Affini ship together, remember? I’m not really squeamish when it comes to danger. If it’s personal and it’s gotta be done alone I’ll respect that and leave it to you but don’t count me out because of danger.”

I salute.

“Sorry for the lecture, I’m really drunk Aphid, I drank so much fucking wine. I worry about you, I worry about the galaxy, I worry about my henchmen, I worry about all the funny gribbles I talk to on my space comms. I worry. I’m tired of war and people dying and invincible evil plants. I wanna go home and sit on a beach. We should all go and sit on a beach once we win. Your buddy astroid is scared shitless about you too. She can come sit on the beach once we win”

I lie down on the floor

{I look resolved, emotionless, other than that fire behind my eyes.}

I start barking into my radio

“Ooooooh. Oh my god it’s that thing you were talking about? You’re pulling off the thing.”

I pause for a second, but the radio on the side of my helmet and yammer some stuff into it.

“You’re right then, I can’t go with you. My henchmen and my sector need me. The ship is yours and I wish you the best of luck.”

I salute

It has. Starspeed, soldier. May we meet again someday.

“God fuck that fucking step-up. I hope whoever designed that got domesticated”

We sit down and the dropship shoots back up to dock with the corvette. The bay door opens and we step out, the three-man crew all boards the shuttle, the pilot salutes us.

“She’s all yours commander”

I salute her back and she sits down in the shuttle. I turn to face you.

“I suppose this is where we part ways. May this ship treat you well. We found her adrift but she’s registered as the TCNS New Moon, so here’s to new beginnings.”

I salute you one last time

This’ll do nicely.

{I turn back to you, hesitating. There’s a… tiny glint of sadness behind my eyes.}

It’s been a pleasure. I thank you.. for everything. To new beginnings.

{I give you a salute in return.}

I give you a firm hug and pat you on the back. I climb into the dropship and bang twice on the side panel. The troopers inside and me all wave as the dropship door slowly closes.

“And I know we’ll meet again, some sun-ny day!”

“Straighter please identify yourself?”

{I manage to land the fighter and lock it in place, then I come inside to meet you.}

{I hug back, then point at the suit.}

I put my helmet on.

“TCN standard issue EVA suit, you’ve probably worn one before. However, I was feeling a little eccentric today so they’ve been lightly modified. Hehe”

I grab two of the cases out from under the table and hold each by their handle.

{I don the suit, and grab the last case, turning to face you.}

“It’s a simple modification to the hydration system. The helmet hardware is exactly the same, the straw is in the same place and works the same way as it would normally. However, I have replaced the big water tank with three smaller liquid tanks each containing a different wine. I have also taken the liberty of pairing these wines with the weapons that we are about to test-fire.”

The other airlock door opens. I look at you with a giddy, wide grin and gesture at the platform outside.

Ain’t you classy. I’m a vodka gal, but I ain’t gonna turn down perfectly good wine..

I step out onto the platform and magnetize the boxes onto the platform. One grey and the smallest and has ‘WARNING SHOCK HAZARD’ stamped on it. The second is olive drab and the widest and has explosives warning stickers all over it. The final one is the longest, pitch black, and has a picture of a magnet on it.

{I point at the explosive marked one.}

“T37 missile launch system. Originally developed for anti-air but has proven itself against most lightly armored vehicles. It’s supposed to have a three-missile magazine on top of the weapon but that’s insane, makes it way too heavy, and never fucking works. So I’ll just reload you between shots. Also it’s lock-on and dumb fire so the worlds your oyster”

I hand you the weapon, load it, and then stand next to you with the other two missiles.

“Let’s show these meteorites who’s boss.”

I push a panel on my arm and start drinking wine out do the straw in my helmet.

{I heft the launcher in my hands, examining it.}

Mm. Yeah.. this’ll do nicely. Never really used these things.. but I’ve been targeted by many a shoulder mounted launcher before in my fighter. Shortly before the bearer is incinerated, usually.

{I flick out the sight and point it towards a distant meteor, and also drink some wine. I fire, sending the rocket blazing out of the launcher, propellant kicking in and slinging it towards the meteor, which shortly explodes into a thousand little pieces in a bright fireball. I smirk.}

I load another missile into the launcher.

{I lock on to another meteor, firing a little off target to test the tracking. The missile swings around and slams into it, detonating fiercely.}

“They’re pretty swank right? Must not’ve been very fun to get shot at by them. If youre TCN and you were getting hit by these things… what was that? The Allis and Durnahm hostile takeover? The one where they ended up glassing a planet to raise the price of microchips? I think I almost got deployed for that.”

I watch the asteroid pieces scatter into the void.

{I fire the last one at a distant meteor, testing the range. It takes a second to reach it, but once it does, it explodes all the same. I lower the launcher, staring out into space.}

I look back at the small grey crate with shock hazard stickers and the long black crate with a magnet sticker.

{I laugh.}

I walk over and kick open the grey box. Inside is A weapon with the back of a rifle and the front of a massive cylinder covered in wires.

{I take it, inspecting it, feeling how it sits in my hand.}

I was.. well.. taken there for a wardship. Miss Tenko stuck me with class D's, and... w-well. I agreed to be her f-floret..

{You notice I'm blushing, looking flustered.}

And, uh. She cuddled me, and stuff.. and drugged me more. It was.. nice.. ahem.

“Dude yeah we should try something. Like a doctor or something. You still seem a little off kilter.”

I get the battery pack out of the kit and set it up, plugging the power cord into the gun.

“I’ll never understand how you survive even talking to those fucking things, the plants drive me insane, they sound like upper management at this job I had out of college. I worked for MedTec, you might’ve heard of them. I know a little while after I got drafted they got nailed in the press for doing a bunch of horrible shit. I was thankfully so low level that all I did was process tissue samples but still eugh… anyway we’d get all these emails about ‘take care of your health!’ ‘Always remember to maintain yourself!’ ‘give us your biometric data or we’re cancelling your insurance!’ If someone who has no vested interest in your survival tells you they care about your health, you should automatically be afraid because that means they want something from you and it might be blood or to work you to death.”

I stare at you and the gun emptily.

{I shudder a little happily, tail wagging. I grab a plushie off my belt and hug it, blushing. The plushie seems a little…. Off. Like it’s influencing me in some way.}

I… I wanna keep it.. it makes me feel safe.. you can’t have it..

{I smile and hand it over cheerfully.}

I take it out of your hand and force my smile even harder. I begin backing up slowly and clutch it to my chest. My head starts to spin and I begin to consider whether the compact is really that bad after all. They have some nice bathtubs I’ve heard. Would be pretty killer to just slide into one of those and float. Hey and they’d be a lot nicer to me than the accord. My death sentence would cease to exist, I wouldn’t need to worry about money, and everything would be perfect. What am I doing with free will anyway. Maybe I should learn to love the government.

“AAH FUCK”

I slam the stuffed animal into the gun case, lock it, and sit on it.

H-hey, hey..! That’s… don’t take Anya away from me..! Give her back..

{I try to get at the plush in the case, but I can’t. I whine.}

“Aphid! Aphid stop it you’ve gotta listen to me!”

I body block you more.

“Damnit aphid they put something in the bear! It’s beaming signals into our brains! You were passing out just now until I took the bear away! It’s their like mind control thing they do! They put it in the bear!”

I realize I’m floating and awkwardly shuffle back down.

{I give up on trying to get in the crate and sit down, sniffling.}

I scoot backwards, bracing for you to attack me.

{I whimper. Clearly I’m extremely attached to this bear.. and by extension, Tenko.}

I mutter to myself as I stare nervously at the deathray and then back up at you.

“It’ll be so quick, she won’t feel a thing! We’ll just get that nasty little parasite out of her and then she’ll be all better! You don’t want your stuffed animals to have parasites do you? She’ll feel so much better afterward!

“Okay now I’m seriously afraid because you’re still saying insane shit but you’re saying it normally… Dude what is going on? Do you actually mean that or is it the drugs talking? And what’s a biorhythm? I’m scared and deeply, deeply confused.”

I look down at the case and my hands start shaking a little.

“We haven’t even finished the wine. Stick around. I don’t wanna be alone on this base anyway. I grow weary of sitting around alone… I’ll give you the bear back. I’m sorry I took it, I thought it was like maiming you.”

I hand the case back

I drink some of the wine out of the straw in my helmet.

“What is a biorhythm, what does it do, how do I counter it besides putting it in a box? Addendum: Will the bear make me fold over and start crying and loving the government like it did to you?”

I drink the straw dry.

…also, I don’t love the compact. Fuck ‘em. I just… d-don’t mind Miss Tenko, is all..

{I look at the plushie in my hands. I hesistate.. almost throwing it out into space. I look conflicted.. angry… and very, very sad. I turn to you, eyes hollow, and hold it out.}

No. I’m going to save the universe. Because I’m the hero. And I AM strong.

“I was gonna cut the emitter out and give it back to you but I mean the death ray will also do it.”

I walk up and pat you on your shoulder.

“Uhh Aphid I wanna show you something really quick.”

I take a step back and start rooting through my space suit’s tactical vest. One pocket has a grenade, another is full of miscellaneous bullets, another is full of a wad of papers with IMPORTANT! Stamped on them. Finally I pull out a small plushie cow. It was clearly rainbow patterned in the distant past but the colors have long faded and you can see four major stitch marks across it from past repairs.

“This is Spots and she’s the only reason I have made it this far in this dog ass war. Every thing I do, every battle, every firefight, every mutiny, all of it I do with this cow in my pocket that I’ve had for most of my life. Sometimes at night I hold her and sob uncontrollably.”

I start pacing around

“I’m telling you this to illustrate the fact that you aren’t a weakling for wanting a stuffed animal, or wanting to be held, or collapsing onto the floor and crying when someone takes your shit. If someone took this cow from me and the option to reduce them to atoms wasn’t present I would also probably lose my shit.”

I turn to face you again

{I remove the capsule from the barrel of the death ray and incinerate @salt-thetech-duck’s plushie thing with it without even looking at it. I sling the weapon across my back.}

I’m keeping this thing. I like it.

I point at the gun

I pick up the two remaining weapons boxes and throw the spent bazooka inside the base.

“If it’s a rescue op I’m super down. The ship’s yours and I’ll throw some gear on and come with. Lets fuck some shit up”

I chug the rest of the wine in my helmet

{I pat you on the back and salute you coldly. My eyes are fiery and determined. There is no hint of sadness any more.}

“Woah cowgirl, what’s the plan? You know I’m not exactly risk averse. We basically ftl rammed an Affini ship together, remember? I’m not really squeamish when it comes to danger. If it’s personal and it’s gotta be done alone I’ll respect that and leave it to you but don’t count me out because of danger.”

I salute.

“Sorry for the lecture, I’m really drunk Aphid, I drank so much fucking wine. I worry about you, I worry about the galaxy, I worry about my henchmen, I worry about all the funny gribbles I talk to on my space comms. I worry. I’m tired of war and people dying and invincible evil plants. I wanna go home and sit on a beach. We should all go and sit on a beach once we win. Your buddy astroid is scared shitless about you too. She can come sit on the beach once we win”

I lie down on the floor

{I look resolved, emotionless, other than that fire behind my eyes.}

I start barking into my radio

“Ooooooh. Oh my god it’s that thing you were talking about? You’re pulling off the thing.”

I pause for a second, but the radio on the side of my helmet and yammer some stuff into it.

“You’re right then, I can’t go with you. My henchmen and my sector need me. The ship is yours and I wish you the best of luck.”

I salute

It has. Starspeed, soldier. May we meet again someday.

“God fuck that fucking step-up. I hope whoever designed that got domesticated”

We sit down and the dropship shoots back up to dock with the corvette. The bay door opens and we step out, the three-man crew all boards the shuttle, the pilot salutes us.

“She’s all yours commander”

I salute her back and she sits down in the shuttle. I turn to face you.

“I suppose this is where we part ways. May this ship treat you well. We found her adrift but she’s registered as the TCNS New Moon, so here’s to new beginnings.”

I salute you one last time

“Straighter please identify yourself?”

{I manage to land the fighter and lock it in place, then I come inside to meet you.}

{I hug back, then point at the suit.}

I put my helmet on.

“TCN standard issue EVA suit, you’ve probably worn one before. However, I was feeling a little eccentric today so they’ve been lightly modified. Hehe”

I grab two of the cases out from under the table and hold each by their handle.

{I don the suit, and grab the last case, turning to face you.}

“It’s a simple modification to the hydration system. The helmet hardware is exactly the same, the straw is in the same place and works the same way as it would normally. However, I have replaced the big water tank with three smaller liquid tanks each containing a different wine. I have also taken the liberty of pairing these wines with the weapons that we are about to test-fire.”

The other airlock door opens. I look at you with a giddy, wide grin and gesture at the platform outside.

Ain’t you classy. I’m a vodka gal, but I ain’t gonna turn down perfectly good wine..

I step out onto the platform and magnetize the boxes onto the platform. One grey and the smallest and has ‘WARNING SHOCK HAZARD’ stamped on it. The second is olive drab and the widest and has explosives warning stickers all over it. The final one is the longest, pitch black, and has a picture of a magnet on it.

{I point at the explosive marked one.}

“T37 missile launch system. Originally developed for anti-air but has proven itself against most lightly armored vehicles. It’s supposed to have a three-missile magazine on top of the weapon but that’s insane, makes it way too heavy, and never fucking works. So I’ll just reload you between shots. Also it’s lock-on and dumb fire so the worlds your oyster”

I hand you the weapon, load it, and then stand next to you with the other two missiles.

“Let’s show these meteorites who’s boss.”

I push a panel on my arm and start drinking wine out do the straw in my helmet.

{I heft the launcher in my hands, examining it.}

Mm. Yeah.. this’ll do nicely. Never really used these things.. but I’ve been targeted by many a shoulder mounted launcher before in my fighter. Shortly before the bearer is incinerated, usually.

{I flick out the sight and point it towards a distant meteor, and also drink some wine. I fire, sending the rocket blazing out of the launcher, propellant kicking in and slinging it towards the meteor, which shortly explodes into a thousand little pieces in a bright fireball. I smirk.}

I load another missile into the launcher.

{I lock on to another meteor, firing a little off target to test the tracking. The missile swings around and slams into it, detonating fiercely.}

“They’re pretty swank right? Must not’ve been very fun to get shot at by them. If youre TCN and you were getting hit by these things… what was that? The Allis and Durnahm hostile takeover? The one where they ended up glassing a planet to raise the price of microchips? I think I almost got deployed for that.”

I watch the asteroid pieces scatter into the void.

{I fire the last one at a distant meteor, testing the range. It takes a second to reach it, but once it does, it explodes all the same. I lower the launcher, staring out into space.}

I look back at the small grey crate with shock hazard stickers and the long black crate with a magnet sticker.

{I laugh.}

I walk over and kick open the grey box. Inside is A weapon with the back of a rifle and the front of a massive cylinder covered in wires.

{I take it, inspecting it, feeling how it sits in my hand.}

I was.. well.. taken there for a wardship. Miss Tenko stuck me with class D's, and... w-well. I agreed to be her f-floret..

{You notice I'm blushing, looking flustered.}

And, uh. She cuddled me, and stuff.. and drugged me more. It was.. nice.. ahem.

“Dude yeah we should try something. Like a doctor or something. You still seem a little off kilter.”

I get the battery pack out of the kit and set it up, plugging the power cord into the gun.

“I’ll never understand how you survive even talking to those fucking things, the plants drive me insane, they sound like upper management at this job I had out of college. I worked for MedTec, you might’ve heard of them. I know a little while after I got drafted they got nailed in the press for doing a bunch of horrible shit. I was thankfully so low level that all I did was process tissue samples but still eugh… anyway we’d get all these emails about ‘take care of your health!’ ‘Always remember to maintain yourself!’ ‘give us your biometric data or we’re cancelling your insurance!’ If someone who has no vested interest in your survival tells you they care about your health, you should automatically be afraid because that means they want something from you and it might be blood or to work you to death.”

I stare at you and the gun emptily.

{I shudder a little happily, tail wagging. I grab a plushie off my belt and hug it, blushing. The plushie seems a little…. Off. Like it’s influencing me in some way.}

I… I wanna keep it.. it makes me feel safe.. you can’t have it..

{I smile and hand it over cheerfully.}

I take it out of your hand and force my smile even harder. I begin backing up slowly and clutch it to my chest. My head starts to spin and I begin to consider whether the compact is really that bad after all. They have some nice bathtubs I’ve heard. Would be pretty killer to just slide into one of those and float. Hey and they’d be a lot nicer to me than the accord. My death sentence would cease to exist, I wouldn’t need to worry about money, and everything would be perfect. What am I doing with free will anyway. Maybe I should learn to love the government.

“AAH FUCK”

I slam the stuffed animal into the gun case, lock it, and sit on it.

H-hey, hey..! That’s… don’t take Anya away from me..! Give her back..

{I try to get at the plush in the case, but I can’t. I whine.}

“Aphid! Aphid stop it you’ve gotta listen to me!”

I body block you more.

“Damnit aphid they put something in the bear! It’s beaming signals into our brains! You were passing out just now until I took the bear away! It’s their like mind control thing they do! They put it in the bear!”

I realize I’m floating and awkwardly shuffle back down.

{I give up on trying to get in the crate and sit down, sniffling.}

I scoot backwards, bracing for you to attack me.

{I whimper. Clearly I’m extremely attached to this bear.. and by extension, Tenko.}

I mutter to myself as I stare nervously at the deathray and then back up at you.

“It’ll be so quick, she won’t feel a thing! We’ll just get that nasty little parasite out of her and then she’ll be all better! You don’t want your stuffed animals to have parasites do you? She’ll feel so much better afterward!

“Okay now I’m seriously afraid because you’re still saying insane shit but you’re saying it normally… Dude what is going on? Do you actually mean that or is it the drugs talking? And what’s a biorhythm? I’m scared and deeply, deeply confused.”

I look down at the case and my hands start shaking a little.

“We haven’t even finished the wine. Stick around. I don’t wanna be alone on this base anyway. I grow weary of sitting around alone… I’ll give you the bear back. I’m sorry I took it, I thought it was like maiming you.”

I hand the case back

I drink some of the wine out of the straw in my helmet.

“What is a biorhythm, what does it do, how do I counter it besides putting it in a box? Addendum: Will the bear make me fold over and start crying and loving the government like it did to you?”

I drink the straw dry.

…also, I don’t love the compact. Fuck ‘em. I just… d-don’t mind Miss Tenko, is all..

{I look at the plushie in my hands. I hesistate.. almost throwing it out into space. I look conflicted.. angry… and very, very sad. I turn to you, eyes hollow, and hold it out.}

No. I’m going to save the universe. Because I’m the hero. And I AM strong.

“I was gonna cut the emitter out and give it back to you but I mean the death ray will also do it.”

I walk up and pat you on your shoulder.

“Uhh Aphid I wanna show you something really quick.”

I take a step back and start rooting through my space suit’s tactical vest. One pocket has a grenade, another is full of miscellaneous bullets, another is full of a wad of papers with IMPORTANT! Stamped on them. Finally I pull out a small plushie cow. It was clearly rainbow patterned in the distant past but the colors have long faded and you can see four major stitch marks across it from past repairs.

“This is Spots and she’s the only reason I have made it this far in this dog ass war. Every thing I do, every battle, every firefight, every mutiny, all of it I do with this cow in my pocket that I’ve had for most of my life. Sometimes at night I hold her and sob uncontrollably.”

I start pacing around

“I’m telling you this to illustrate the fact that you aren’t a weakling for wanting a stuffed animal, or wanting to be held, or collapsing onto the floor and crying when someone takes your shit. If someone took this cow from me and the option to reduce them to atoms wasn’t present I would also probably lose my shit.”

I turn to face you again

{I remove the capsule from the barrel of the death ray and incinerate @salt-thetech-duck’s plushie thing with it without even looking at it. I sling the weapon across my back.}

I’m keeping this thing. I like it.

I point at the gun

I pick up the two remaining weapons boxes and throw the spent bazooka inside the base.

“If it’s a rescue op I’m super down. The ship’s yours and I’ll throw some gear on and come with. Lets fuck some shit up”

I chug the rest of the wine in my helmet

{I pat you on the back and salute you coldly. My eyes are fiery and determined. There is no hint of sadness any more.}

“Woah cowgirl, what’s the plan? You know I’m not exactly risk averse. We basically ftl rammed an Affini ship together, remember? I’m not really squeamish when it comes to danger. If it’s personal and it’s gotta be done alone I’ll respect that and leave it to you but don’t count me out because of danger.”

I salute.

“Sorry for the lecture, I’m really drunk Aphid, I drank so much fucking wine. I worry about you, I worry about the galaxy, I worry about my henchmen, I worry about all the funny gribbles I talk to on my space comms. I worry. I’m tired of war and people dying and invincible evil plants. I wanna go home and sit on a beach. We should all go and sit on a beach once we win. Your buddy astroid is scared shitless about you too. She can come sit on the beach once we win”

I lie down on the floor

{I look resolved, emotionless, other than that fire behind my eyes.}

I start barking into my radio

“Ooooooh. Oh my god it’s that thing you were talking about? You’re pulling off the thing.”

I pause for a second, but the radio on the side of my helmet and yammer some stuff into it.

“You’re right then, I can’t go with you. My henchmen and my sector need me. The ship is yours and I wish you the best of luck.”

I salute

“Straighter please identify yourself?”

{I manage to land the fighter and lock it in place, then I come inside to meet you.}

{I hug back, then point at the suit.}

I put my helmet on.

“TCN standard issue EVA suit, you’ve probably worn one before. However, I was feeling a little eccentric today so they’ve been lightly modified. Hehe”

I grab two of the cases out from under the table and hold each by their handle.

{I don the suit, and grab the last case, turning to face you.}

“It’s a simple modification to the hydration system. The helmet hardware is exactly the same, the straw is in the same place and works the same way as it would normally. However, I have replaced the big water tank with three smaller liquid tanks each containing a different wine. I have also taken the liberty of pairing these wines with the weapons that we are about to test-fire.”

The other airlock door opens. I look at you with a giddy, wide grin and gesture at the platform outside.

Ain’t you classy. I’m a vodka gal, but I ain’t gonna turn down perfectly good wine..

I step out onto the platform and magnetize the boxes onto the platform. One grey and the smallest and has ‘WARNING SHOCK HAZARD’ stamped on it. The second is olive drab and the widest and has explosives warning stickers all over it. The final one is the longest, pitch black, and has a picture of a magnet on it.

{I point at the explosive marked one.}

“T37 missile launch system. Originally developed for anti-air but has proven itself against most lightly armored vehicles. It’s supposed to have a three-missile magazine on top of the weapon but that’s insane, makes it way too heavy, and never fucking works. So I’ll just reload you between shots. Also it’s lock-on and dumb fire so the worlds your oyster”

I hand you the weapon, load it, and then stand next to you with the other two missiles.

“Let’s show these meteorites who’s boss.”

I push a panel on my arm and start drinking wine out do the straw in my helmet.

{I heft the launcher in my hands, examining it.}

Mm. Yeah.. this’ll do nicely. Never really used these things.. but I’ve been targeted by many a shoulder mounted launcher before in my fighter. Shortly before the bearer is incinerated, usually.

{I flick out the sight and point it towards a distant meteor, and also drink some wine. I fire, sending the rocket blazing out of the launcher, propellant kicking in and slinging it towards the meteor, which shortly explodes into a thousand little pieces in a bright fireball. I smirk.}

I load another missile into the launcher.

{I lock on to another meteor, firing a little off target to test the tracking. The missile swings around and slams into it, detonating fiercely.}

“They’re pretty swank right? Must not’ve been very fun to get shot at by them. If youre TCN and you were getting hit by these things… what was that? The Allis and Durnahm hostile takeover? The one where they ended up glassing a planet to raise the price of microchips? I think I almost got deployed for that.”

I watch the asteroid pieces scatter into the void.

{I fire the last one at a distant meteor, testing the range. It takes a second to reach it, but once it does, it explodes all the same. I lower the launcher, staring out into space.}

I look back at the small grey crate with shock hazard stickers and the long black crate with a magnet sticker.

{I laugh.}

I walk over and kick open the grey box. Inside is A weapon with the back of a rifle and the front of a massive cylinder covered in wires.

{I take it, inspecting it, feeling how it sits in my hand.}

I was.. well.. taken there for a wardship. Miss Tenko stuck me with class D's, and... w-well. I agreed to be her f-floret..

{You notice I'm blushing, looking flustered.}

And, uh. She cuddled me, and stuff.. and drugged me more. It was.. nice.. ahem.

“Dude yeah we should try something. Like a doctor or something. You still seem a little off kilter.”

I get the battery pack out of the kit and set it up, plugging the power cord into the gun.

“I’ll never understand how you survive even talking to those fucking things, the plants drive me insane, they sound like upper management at this job I had out of college. I worked for MedTec, you might’ve heard of them. I know a little while after I got drafted they got nailed in the press for doing a bunch of horrible shit. I was thankfully so low level that all I did was process tissue samples but still eugh… anyway we’d get all these emails about ‘take care of your health!’ ‘Always remember to maintain yourself!’ ‘give us your biometric data or we’re cancelling your insurance!’ If someone who has no vested interest in your survival tells you they care about your health, you should automatically be afraid because that means they want something from you and it might be blood or to work you to death.”

I stare at you and the gun emptily.

{I shudder a little happily, tail wagging. I grab a plushie off my belt and hug it, blushing. The plushie seems a little…. Off. Like it’s influencing me in some way.}

I… I wanna keep it.. it makes me feel safe.. you can’t have it..

{I smile and hand it over cheerfully.}

I take it out of your hand and force my smile even harder. I begin backing up slowly and clutch it to my chest. My head starts to spin and I begin to consider whether the compact is really that bad after all. They have some nice bathtubs I’ve heard. Would be pretty killer to just slide into one of those and float. Hey and they’d be a lot nicer to me than the accord. My death sentence would cease to exist, I wouldn’t need to worry about money, and everything would be perfect. What am I doing with free will anyway. Maybe I should learn to love the government.

“AAH FUCK”

I slam the stuffed animal into the gun case, lock it, and sit on it.

H-hey, hey..! That’s… don’t take Anya away from me..! Give her back..

{I try to get at the plush in the case, but I can’t. I whine.}

“Aphid! Aphid stop it you’ve gotta listen to me!”

I body block you more.

“Damnit aphid they put something in the bear! It’s beaming signals into our brains! You were passing out just now until I took the bear away! It’s their like mind control thing they do! They put it in the bear!”

I realize I’m floating and awkwardly shuffle back down.

{I give up on trying to get in the crate and sit down, sniffling.}

I scoot backwards, bracing for you to attack me.

{I whimper. Clearly I’m extremely attached to this bear.. and by extension, Tenko.}

I mutter to myself as I stare nervously at the deathray and then back up at you.

“It’ll be so quick, she won’t feel a thing! We’ll just get that nasty little parasite out of her and then she’ll be all better! You don’t want your stuffed animals to have parasites do you? She’ll feel so much better afterward!

“Okay now I’m seriously afraid because you’re still saying insane shit but you’re saying it normally… Dude what is going on? Do you actually mean that or is it the drugs talking? And what’s a biorhythm? I’m scared and deeply, deeply confused.”

I look down at the case and my hands start shaking a little.

“We haven’t even finished the wine. Stick around. I don’t wanna be alone on this base anyway. I grow weary of sitting around alone… I’ll give you the bear back. I’m sorry I took it, I thought it was like maiming you.”

I hand the case back

I drink some of the wine out of the straw in my helmet.

“What is a biorhythm, what does it do, how do I counter it besides putting it in a box? Addendum: Will the bear make me fold over and start crying and loving the government like it did to you?”

I drink the straw dry.

…also, I don’t love the compact. Fuck ‘em. I just… d-don’t mind Miss Tenko, is all..

{I look at the plushie in my hands. I hesistate.. almost throwing it out into space. I look conflicted.. angry… and very, very sad. I turn to you, eyes hollow, and hold it out.}

No. I’m going to save the universe. Because I’m the hero. And I AM strong.

“I was gonna cut the emitter out and give it back to you but I mean the death ray will also do it.”

I walk up and pat you on your shoulder.

“Uhh Aphid I wanna show you something really quick.”

I take a step back and start rooting through my space suit’s tactical vest. One pocket has a grenade, another is full of miscellaneous bullets, another is full of a wad of papers with IMPORTANT! Stamped on them. Finally I pull out a small plushie cow. It was clearly rainbow patterned in the distant past but the colors have long faded and you can see four major stitch marks across it from past repairs.

“This is Spots and she’s the only reason I have made it this far in this dog ass war. Every thing I do, every battle, every firefight, every mutiny, all of it I do with this cow in my pocket that I’ve had for most of my life. Sometimes at night I hold her and sob uncontrollably.”

I start pacing around

“I’m telling you this to illustrate the fact that you aren’t a weakling for wanting a stuffed animal, or wanting to be held, or collapsing onto the floor and crying when someone takes your shit. If someone took this cow from me and the option to reduce them to atoms wasn’t present I would also probably lose my shit.”

I turn to face you again

{I remove the capsule from the barrel of the death ray and incinerate @salt-thetech-duck’s plushie thing with it without even looking at it. I sling the weapon across my back.}

I’m keeping this thing. I like it.

I point at the gun

I pick up the two remaining weapons boxes and throw the spent bazooka inside the base.

“If it’s a rescue op I’m super down. The ship’s yours and I’ll throw some gear on and come with. Lets fuck some shit up”

I chug the rest of the wine in my helmet

{I pat you on the back and salute you coldly. My eyes are fiery and determined. There is no hint of sadness any more.}

“Woah cowgirl, what’s the plan? You know I’m not exactly risk averse. We basically ftl rammed an Affini ship together, remember? I’m not really squeamish when it comes to danger. If it’s personal and it’s gotta be done alone I’ll respect that and leave it to you but don’t count me out because of danger.”

I salute.

“Sorry for the lecture, I’m really drunk Aphid, I drank so much fucking wine. I worry about you, I worry about the galaxy, I worry about my henchmen, I worry about all the funny gribbles I talk to on my space comms. I worry. I’m tired of war and people dying and invincible evil plants. I wanna go home and sit on a beach. We should all go and sit on a beach once we win. Your buddy astroid is scared shitless about you too. She can come sit on the beach once we win”

I lie down on the floor

{I look resolved, emotionless, other than that fire behind my eyes.}

I start barking into my radio

“Straighter please identify yourself?”

{I manage to land the fighter and lock it in place, then I come inside to meet you.}

{I hug back, then point at the suit.}

I put my helmet on.

“TCN standard issue EVA suit, you’ve probably worn one before. However, I was feeling a little eccentric today so they’ve been lightly modified. Hehe”

I grab two of the cases out from under the table and hold each by their handle.

{I don the suit, and grab the last case, turning to face you.}

“It’s a simple modification to the hydration system. The helmet hardware is exactly the same, the straw is in the same place and works the same way as it would normally. However, I have replaced the big water tank with three smaller liquid tanks each containing a different wine. I have also taken the liberty of pairing these wines with the weapons that we are about to test-fire.”

The other airlock door opens. I look at you with a giddy, wide grin and gesture at the platform outside.

Ain’t you classy. I’m a vodka gal, but I ain’t gonna turn down perfectly good wine..

I step out onto the platform and magnetize the boxes onto the platform. One grey and the smallest and has ‘WARNING SHOCK HAZARD’ stamped on it. The second is olive drab and the widest and has explosives warning stickers all over it. The final one is the longest, pitch black, and has a picture of a magnet on it.

{I point at the explosive marked one.}

“T37 missile launch system. Originally developed for anti-air but has proven itself against most lightly armored vehicles. It’s supposed to have a three-missile magazine on top of the weapon but that’s insane, makes it way too heavy, and never fucking works. So I’ll just reload you between shots. Also it’s lock-on and dumb fire so the worlds your oyster”

I hand you the weapon, load it, and then stand next to you with the other two missiles.

“Let’s show these meteorites who’s boss.”

I push a panel on my arm and start drinking wine out do the straw in my helmet.

{I heft the launcher in my hands, examining it.}

Mm. Yeah.. this’ll do nicely. Never really used these things.. but I’ve been targeted by many a shoulder mounted launcher before in my fighter. Shortly before the bearer is incinerated, usually.

{I flick out the sight and point it towards a distant meteor, and also drink some wine. I fire, sending the rocket blazing out of the launcher, propellant kicking in and slinging it towards the meteor, which shortly explodes into a thousand little pieces in a bright fireball. I smirk.}

I load another missile into the launcher.

{I lock on to another meteor, firing a little off target to test the tracking. The missile swings around and slams into it, detonating fiercely.}

“They’re pretty swank right? Must not’ve been very fun to get shot at by them. If youre TCN and you were getting hit by these things… what was that? The Allis and Durnahm hostile takeover? The one where they ended up glassing a planet to raise the price of microchips? I think I almost got deployed for that.”

I watch the asteroid pieces scatter into the void.

{I fire the last one at a distant meteor, testing the range. It takes a second to reach it, but once it does, it explodes all the same. I lower the launcher, staring out into space.}

I look back at the small grey crate with shock hazard stickers and the long black crate with a magnet sticker.

{I laugh.}

I walk over and kick open the grey box. Inside is A weapon with the back of a rifle and the front of a massive cylinder covered in wires.

{I take it, inspecting it, feeling how it sits in my hand.}

I was.. well.. taken there for a wardship. Miss Tenko stuck me with class D's, and... w-well. I agreed to be her f-floret..

{You notice I'm blushing, looking flustered.}

And, uh. She cuddled me, and stuff.. and drugged me more. It was.. nice.. ahem.

“Dude yeah we should try something. Like a doctor or something. You still seem a little off kilter.”

I get the battery pack out of the kit and set it up, plugging the power cord into the gun.

“I’ll never understand how you survive even talking to those fucking things, the plants drive me insane, they sound like upper management at this job I had out of college. I worked for MedTec, you might’ve heard of them. I know a little while after I got drafted they got nailed in the press for doing a bunch of horrible shit. I was thankfully so low level that all I did was process tissue samples but still eugh… anyway we’d get all these emails about ‘take care of your health!’ ‘Always remember to maintain yourself!’ ‘give us your biometric data or we’re cancelling your insurance!’ If someone who has no vested interest in your survival tells you they care about your health, you should automatically be afraid because that means they want something from you and it might be blood or to work you to death.”

I stare at you and the gun emptily.

{I shudder a little happily, tail wagging. I grab a plushie off my belt and hug it, blushing. The plushie seems a little…. Off. Like it’s influencing me in some way.}

I… I wanna keep it.. it makes me feel safe.. you can’t have it..

{I smile and hand it over cheerfully.}

I take it out of your hand and force my smile even harder. I begin backing up slowly and clutch it to my chest. My head starts to spin and I begin to consider whether the compact is really that bad after all. They have some nice bathtubs I’ve heard. Would be pretty killer to just slide into one of those and float. Hey and they’d be a lot nicer to me than the accord. My death sentence would cease to exist, I wouldn’t need to worry about money, and everything would be perfect. What am I doing with free will anyway. Maybe I should learn to love the government.

“AAH FUCK”

I slam the stuffed animal into the gun case, lock it, and sit on it.

H-hey, hey..! That’s… don’t take Anya away from me..! Give her back..

{I try to get at the plush in the case, but I can’t. I whine.}

“Aphid! Aphid stop it you’ve gotta listen to me!”

I body block you more.

“Damnit aphid they put something in the bear! It’s beaming signals into our brains! You were passing out just now until I took the bear away! It’s their like mind control thing they do! They put it in the bear!”

I realize I’m floating and awkwardly shuffle back down.

{I give up on trying to get in the crate and sit down, sniffling.}

I scoot backwards, bracing for you to attack me.

{I whimper. Clearly I’m extremely attached to this bear.. and by extension, Tenko.}

I mutter to myself as I stare nervously at the deathray and then back up at you.

“It’ll be so quick, she won’t feel a thing! We’ll just get that nasty little parasite out of her and then she’ll be all better! You don’t want your stuffed animals to have parasites do you? She’ll feel so much better afterward!

“Okay now I’m seriously afraid because you’re still saying insane shit but you’re saying it normally… Dude what is going on? Do you actually mean that or is it the drugs talking? And what’s a biorhythm? I’m scared and deeply, deeply confused.”

I look down at the case and my hands start shaking a little.

“We haven’t even finished the wine. Stick around. I don’t wanna be alone on this base anyway. I grow weary of sitting around alone… I’ll give you the bear back. I’m sorry I took it, I thought it was like maiming you.”

I hand the case back