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i’m A. March 27, 2018 i tried committing suicide. i tried overdosing on my daily medication and it didn’t work. i was sent to a place and had to miss one holiday with my family. i know it doesn’t seem like a big deal but once you are there and only get certain days to see your family for limited amount of time it makes you feel like a piece of shit for putting yourself and your family through it... when i got home i vowed to me and my family i would never feel that alone were i did something so selfish......

fast forward a couple of months.. i spiraled down, but this time i cut. my thighs and wrist. every time i did i really didn’t have a reason i just wanted myself to feel the pain, i might sound physco but i’m not.. i think. lately i’ve been looking and really observing the people who i call “my friends” and that left me with 1 friend. it sucks but i’d rather have 1 true friend then a bunch of fake ones. here’s the catch though, those fake friends now hate me, every time i walk by they gag at me and yell snake. it happened every day, they acted like i don’t have feelings but i do i just don’t show them. but they don’t care about how it hurts me... it’s hurts but i have to keep my head, then i come home and cry sometimes.. truste i know i’m not perfect in anyway, but i can try.

present the other day in school i had a real shitty day all the words were getting to me and i didn’t want to handle it . this might sound lame but i don’t care.. i had teachers asking me if i was okay and i didn’t even know some of them. i told them yeah just having a rough day. which is true just not the clear truth... when i got home i just sat and realized that people do care how i feel. i felt like i had people on my side for once and that not everyone wants to see my down..

requested: yepp : @i-will-personally-eat-yourhand

“Could I get an imagine where Ethan meets you at a party and you guys ditch to talk more?”

of course i can and thank you so much for requesting!! sorry it so long jus tumblr wouldn’t save and i had to copy and paste everything so yeah.💛🌻

“hurry up y/n!! we are gonna be late for the party!!” screams y/f/n from downstairs. you were looking for you phone in case the party is a bust and you could play games on your phone. you finally found and rushed down the steps to see your best friend smiling sarcastically. “damn don’t you look comfortable.” she says surprised. you smile while flipping her off and she laughs pulling your arm towards the front door of your house. one you got in the car y/f/n says “ okay so you are going to be the designated driver tonight-“ she says rambling “ aren’t i always the designated driver, though? like what if tonight i wanna get wasted, then what?” you say trying to be serious. she laughs and you join her knowing damn well you weren’t going to do anything.

you pull up to the party and see a very nice house. it looked huge. there were already kids making out on he lawn and running around in bathing suits and you could already feel the headaches approaching. y/f/n squeals and you look at her like ‘ wtf?!’ she roles and her eyes and smiles and says “ i cant believe we are at the dolan twins house?!” you stop in the middle of the yard. letting it hit you, that you drove 15 minutes to your crushes house since 6 th grade. y/f/n realizes she told you knowing you would back out because you shy asf. “y/n it won’t be that bad, i promise you and ethan are literally made for each other- like me and grayson are” she says to preppy. you look at her think how is she your best friend? you take a big breath and start walking towards the door again. one of the boys from the football team was at the door and winked at you and you rolled your eyes..the smell of alcohol, drugs and sex fill d the room. reminding you why you hate parties so much. “y/f/n, i don’t think this a good idea-“ you say looking towards her direction to only find out she disappeared from you. ‘great’ you thought. as you were looking around for her you spot him.

ethan dolan. the boy you have crushes on since 6th grade when he stood up for you in the lunch after some girls made fun of your hair. ever since that day you have been in love with him for all the right reasons. your heart skipped a beat and you felt your stomach drop. he was laughing when he turned and looked your way and raised his eyebrow at you. you felt your blood rush to your cheeks. and you looked down to hide your state of emotions. the next thing thing later feel a presences next you and then hear a raspy voice say “ i thought you didn’t like parties, y/n?” you look up and see the devil himself. ethan dolan. “how do you know my name?” you ask surprised someone like him knows your name. you see him bend down towards your ear and say “ follow me” he grabs your hand and leads you towards the backyard of the party in a more secluded and quieter spot to talk. “you never answered my question.. how do you know my name?” you ask still curious. he looked at you smirked making your heart beat faster. “ really y/n when been in the same classes since 6th grade. you are the smartest girl in our classes.” he says smiling at you and looking you in the eyes. you blush and smile looking at the ground to try and hide your face “and the prettiest too..” he says blushing himself. you start blushing harder and smile so hard your cheeks hurt. “thank you, ethan” you say trying not to sound ridiculous. “ i’m surprised you even know my name!” he says laughing lightly. “ what do you mean, everyone knows who you and your brother are. you are the Dolan Twins!” you say putting emphasis on dolan twins. “ yeah.. dolan twins” he says his smiling fading away slowly. “ it’s not as glamorous as it seems though.. always having eyes on you waiting to see you fuck up or slip up in the slightest bit..” he says looking at the grass clenching his jaw making you just want to hold him and keep him away from the pain he feels. “ ohh i’m sorry... if it makes you feel any better i think you are pretty cool and make hella funny videos.” you say laughing towards the end thinking about their videos you have watched. ethan looks up and starts laughing with you. you both look at each other and slowly stop laughing. you look into each other’s eyes for what felt like forever but was only a couple seconds. he starts to lean in and soon you follow him. his lips were soft and dry in all the right ways they were plump and tasted like vanilla. you both pulled away and looked at each other with your noses touching. “do you maybe wanna get out of here?” ethan asks trying to catch his breathe. you nod your head yes biting your lip. he grabs your hand and pulls you through the crowd of people. the rest of the night was magical and you loved every second with ethan.