bees?

*old man voice* back in my day tik tok was a ke$ha song

tits better than ass? ass better than tits? it don’t matter i got neither !!!

u got toes?

Hey @zero-alice

#for some reason it has never occurred to me that this type of dog exists in a puppy state??#i guess i just assumed they emerged fully formed from mist and moonlight

so this kid he used to bully me in middle school before i got tough, well this is kind of a funny story. so i sugar from time to time but my latest sugar mommys house is so extra and i didnt bring my glasses but im going through the house because she told me to make myself at home and i see a family photo and im just like he looks really familiar but i cant make out shit. and so she and i start talking and shes like yeah i have a son your age actually and im just like wait… and she was like you’ll meet him later when we go to the car show, and im just like fuckin wait.. and we get to the car show and its me and her we’re holding hands being friendly and shes like and heres my son. and i shit u not this is the same dude who used to fucking bully me in middle school and he starts fucking crying because he didnt know his mom was lesbian and i was just like hey its been a while, but im getting fucked by your mom.

ill be in the kitchen making evil meals 

tbh spider-man is such a chill superhero you could ask him to escort you home bc you don’t feel safe and he’d be like ‘ok sure no sweat’ I’m sure he’d even help you with your groceries meanwhile the other avengers be like ‘the world isn’t in danger so you don’t need my help’

Thor would help with your groceries fight me

you are abso-fucking-lutely right

Homare “Look at nothing but my boner while we fight” Nishitani

Majima literally looked at Nishitani and thought “I’m kinning that for the rest of my life”