Aesztik Alaira

jill valentine request

it's always:

he's insecure

he's horrible at delegating tasks

he's too kind, and the emperor's role would force him to act against his morals, and the weight of it all would eventually kill him emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically.

BUT i have yet to see anyone else bring up jinshi's line in LN 13, where he explicitly states that the reason he is not interested in the throne is because he does not want to be in a position where NO ONE CAN STAND BESIDE HIM—not even the empress.

while most of the listed reasons are correct, i feel this one holds the most importance. not just because it came directly from jinshi himself, but because it speaks to who he is as a character and person. it's not solely because he dislikes the heavy responsibility that comes with ruling a nation, or he feels like he's lacking in many areas, but because he has a bleeding heart that longs for nothing more than a real, genuine connection with people all his life.

i once read in a reddit thread where someone made a distinction between the current emperor and jinshi. they said, ‘one is the son of heaven and the other is just a man.’ that sentence has stuck with me ever since.

jinshi is someone who has longed to be seen all his life. not as a celestial nymph or a heavenly being, but just a man—a human being who can be scarred, wounded, bruised, brought low, and show weakness. an emperor's position does not—cannot—allow any of that.

he works well when he's actively involved with the people he wants to help; he thrives when he sees his beloved apothecary getting to do what she loves, and he has no issues getting mocked and insulted if it means helping people in any way he can.

i just feel like jinshi has so much love to give. let him walk with the people he cares for deeply! let him be imperfect like everyone else! don't place him somewhere so high up, not even the love of his life can reach him.

One year, with Luomen not knowing whether Maomao was alive or dead; a year of worrying and waiting, and nothing he can do about it even if he hadn't been exiled from the rear palace. Jinshi is pitching a fit about ten or so days, and meanwhile the machinery of the emperor's rear palace is responsible for the disappearances of so many young women who get picked off the streets to serve, with their own parents left to wait and worry and watch.