Astedicly-Apociptic

Hey guys! Grim here.

This was supposed to be Monday’s post. I’m really sorry that I couldn’t post it then.

oOo

Here are some basic rules any writer should keep in mind when writing about a post-apocalyptic/survival scenario.

1. Canned food is your characters’ new bff. Seriously, I have seen a certain bestseller (Who shall not be named but let’s just say sparkles and los plagas) write about her absolute idiot  of a protag collecting milk, carrots, twinkies, gone-off crackers, cookies and a whole heap of other foodstuffs that are totally unsuited for surviving on whilst off in a cave in the middle of nowhere.

If your character’s can grow some fresh food, good for them, they’ll get some much needed vitamins. But fresh food goes off really quickly with or without refrigeration. Go to your fridge, look at the expiration dates on your milk and veggies and meats and whatnot. They all last about a week or so, right? That’s in the fridge.  Outside of the fridge some of that stuff won’t even last a day. Now, Ireland is a pretty cold country, but if you take milk out of the fridge, it still goes off after an hour or two. (I know this from forgetting I had a glass of milk as a kid then finding it after a couple of hours. It stank.) 

EDIT: I have been corrected, it’s apparently four hours max for milk, not one or two. It is still not long enough for someone to go lugging a standard two-litre carton back to their cave in the middle of Arizona, though. 

Also i forgot to mention this, but the milk thing reminded me: if you have not grown up on unpasturied, unhomogenised milk, you will get seriously ill from drinking it.

Twinkies are arguably the WORST thing you could grab in an apocalypse. The cream inside will go sour and you will be left with a really bad case of the skitters (runs/diarrhoea). We don’t have twinkies in Ireland and I know this! This is common sense.

EDIT: Apparently the cream doesn’t go sour. I apologise for the mistake, but i got the info from an American sporking of the above mentioned los plagas story, and so i assumed that they were correct as we do not get twinkies here.

I just… I can’t even. just think before you have your scavenger grab stuff, okay?

2. Preppers are the most likely to survive. Also common sense. 

Another thing is that the ones who prepare for the collapse of society will have prepared for the human element as well, meaning they will have weapons. If the leader has a gun they should all have guns. This is another thing that the unnamed writer got wrong. She gave a useless “rifle” (It was a shotgun, she just didn’t know the difference.) to the leader and it was pretty clear the only reason he was in charge was because he kept poking the gun at whoever tried to disagree with him. That wouldn’t work in real life. The guy the leader threatens, if he’s speaking sense he’s going to have a friend or two, and they are not going to be happy. Unless the leader dude is a really quick shot he’d be dead in that situation - someone would manage to clunk him upside the head or disarm him eventually.

In short, if the leader is an idiot he will be deposed swiftly.

3. In the event of an invasion of aliens who can take human form or possess humans, if there are visible signs, they are going to be killed on sight. If here aren’t visible signs, your characters will not trust anyone outside of their group, and if a group member goes missing, that’s it, they’re presumed to be captured. If they show up again no one should touch them with a barge pole, they could be possessed or indoctrinated.

4. Fire is really bad against zombies/the undead. The various video games and novels and whatnot on the subject all say one thing; “Cut off the head or it ain’t dead, Set it on fire and the situation is dire.” there I made it rhyme for easy remembering! You do not want flaming zombies zerg rushing you. 

As MatPat of Game theory recommends, an axe is wonderful. You have the reach for no biteys, you can hook the blade around to get at the back of the neck and it’s relatively clean so less chance of flying undead bits and infection. 

You really want to minimise your contact with undead gore. Antiseptic would be a must have, as would gloves, facemasks and other bits and pieces if you plan on looting undead corpses.

5. If you get shot/injured and loose consciousness, firstly, you won’t remember a thing. There is no “Encroaching darkness/fog” or any of that nonsense. Can you remember the exact moment you fell asleep? Of course not. You might remember getting the injury or falling over, but you’re not going to remember the exact moment you go out of it.

If you subsequently wake up in an unfamiliar house and you have been bandaged up and made comfy, don’t immediately freak out. They probably aren’t going to kill you. Unless they are seriously messed up, but that’s a whole ‘nother story. 

So, do not go ripping out your IV drip for fear that it is “truth serum” - yes, that exists (sodium pentothal) but plain old alcohol is more effective. Just refuse if they offer you a pint or mysterious liquid to drink. there’s a gene that causes an alcohol intolerance or allergy - say you have that and you could die if you drink alcohol. It’s most common in people of Asian descent, so if you have to lie and say your great-granddad is Asian on your mother’s side or something, do it. The only way they might catch you out is by finding a family photo with said granddad in it or if they used alcohol to clean your wounds and you didn’t have a reaction.

See my post on medicine for more details on this kind of situation.

6. Duct-tape is your best bud for repairs and crafting.

The mythbusters did a whole episode on how you could survive in the wilderness with nothing but a crapton of duct-tape and a knife. That stuff is freaking durable! They made hammocks and a freaking chess set!

Think about it - you could tape a flashlight to your gun, tape that hole in your shoes up, tape stuff together to make a shelter. There are a ton of uses for duct-tape, so if it’s there have your intrepid survivalist grab it.

7. A few factors probably went into crafting your post-apocalyptic world.

One pandemic, war or natural disaster on its own isn’t going to do much. A few of them occurring at the same time or one after another would be much more plausible. In the case of hordes of the undead or something - I gotta give you that one, if it happened fast enough and they were tough enough to withstand the world’s armies, then yeah, it could happen.

8. Nuclear fallout does not create awesome mutants.

It causes things like leukaemia and birth defects and infertility. It would be highly unlikely that a beneficial mutation would occur. If you’re going with the realm of science, be realistic about it - or as realistic as you can be without a degree. (As regards the X-men, I’m pretty sure that it’s a gene that gets triggered by nuclear fallout in some cases, but I am probably wrong - as i have said before, we don’t really get comics where I’m from, so I’m only familiar with movie versions.In any case, a gene being triggered isn’t quite as bad as “Nuclear fallout gave me the ability to do x, y and z!”)

EDIT I meant to put in number nine originally, but I forgot.

9. Pregnancy could equal DEATH 

There are so many things that could go wrong. A miscarriage after a certain point would leave the lady stuck with a dead fetus rotting inside her. She would die of aseptic poisoning (Something that can also happen during a period if the blood isn’t allowed to leave the body, though periods should be a non-issue during the apocalypse, you’d be way too malnourished to have one). Even if by some miracle she carried to term, she’d probably die in childbirth because your average survivor wouldn’t be a midwife with experience delivering a baby without proper hospital care. Say she did survive, the baby would die anyway because she wouldn’t be able to produce enough milk. Where are you gonna get formula that will last the baby until it’s on solids? Without a blender or baby rice/food how are you gonna get a baby onto solids? Also, if the baby had to be delivered by C-section or there was significant tearing during a natural birth - bye bye lady. Also, the blood will attract predators!

So you have this constant drain on your precious resources for up to nine months and at the end of it you’re probably down a survivor and to top all that off, the father has also lost his partner and his child in one fell swoop, potentially seriously damaging his psyche, so you might wind up with a death seeker on your hands endangering everyone else. 

And in the series I mentioned (under the food section, with the plagas) the protagonist and her boyfriend were more concerned about how it “wouldn’t be fair” to bring a child into their post-apocalyptic world. LOOK AT EVERYTHING THAT COULD GO WRONG!

oOo

That’s all I’ve got for now. I hope this helped you guys in your writing endeavors, and as always, if you have a question, do not hesitate to use the ask feature.

Source.

Starker/Sparky Apocalypse AU

Get out of my garden!

An angry postapocalyptic old woman . It was made during my workshop at Bellecour Art School .

“Prima-Vera-02: The Last Botanodroid” digital painting, 2018. Taking the few free moments I’ve got to work on a concept piece. This work is like therapy for me. A sort of anti-death. Chasing the sun and saving the bit of life she can find. please feel free to share if you enjoyed it! 

Turn out the lights. 

Burn them out, shatter them in one great wave of catastrophe. A solar flare, Yellowstone erupting, nuclear war, climate change eating away a slow death. Watch the cities go dark, go silent. The world go hollow and empty. 

Watch the world end, until all is dark, violence and starvation and cold, nights as black as the world’s ending. 

As black as the world’s beginning. 

Look closer at the light-dead cities, scrape away the ice and hunger. Watch the darkened continent, and look carefully. 

There, a campfire. Two. Three. That one’s larger, a bonfire, there’s many people there. Here’s a light of a type less ancient, someone’s found a book on generators. Handmade candles glow in cracked windowpanes. 

In this darkest ashen hour, every dot of light looks like a star.