things about middle-earth that sound fake to people who haven't read the silmarillion
the earth was flat until some people pissed off god enough that he punched it round
the sun and moon used to be trees, but a big spider ate them
elves even being in middle-earth can be traced back to one (1) dude hating that people mispronounced his mom's name
sauron is a werewolf
elrond's biological parents are a star and a bird now
there's a sexy vampire lady
fighting a balrog barehanded is so cool it'll get you reincarnated right away even if there isn't a current big crisis going on (sorry gandalf, glorfindel just did it better)
satan got banned from heaven for playing his own music too loud
if you were intense enough in life, when you die, you might literally explode
specifically, the sun and moon are a fruit and a flower from the trees the big spider ate
this one guy (Sauron’s boss) got so scared of the big spider that he screeched really loud and the rocks nearby echoed his screams for centuries
that is until the land got squelched and fell into the sea in a giant battle that destroyed the continent (as you do)
(some of the other) elves being in Middle-earth happened because the Valar invited them to their special land but the elves lost their king in a forest and didn’t want to leave him
the Minas Tirith that you know in LOTR isn’t the first Minas Tirith—Sauron conquered the other one, but then lost it again because of a girl and her dog
Sauron had beef with the dog even before meeting him
the dog could talk
eagles used to be even bigger (yes really)
the elf-dwarf feud can be traced back to a dispute over a necklace with a very shiny rock
elves might seem all wise in LOTR, but in the Silmarillion they straight up murder other elves (this happens multiple times) (it is for the shiny rocks also)


























