My first kiss was freely given. Eagerly, in fact. But it was a deceptive lie. I was cheated. There were unspoken insinuations. Whispered promises. Soft touches. Longing gazes. I was lured in by subtle seduction. My naivety was used as a weapon. My eagerness a pawn. The waiting and wanting and finally I had it. He knew what he was doing. He knew it would be my first. He knew how smitten I was. How curious. How rebellious. He teased and danced the dance. He enticed and then retreated. He drew me in like timid moth to a white hot flame. He took my first kiss and I gladly gave it to him. That was all I gave him that night. Lying on the floor of a dorm room. Excited, nervous, giddy and cautious. He wanted more. His hands searched for more. I wasn't ready. He seemed so sweet. Told me good night. Watched me walk all the way down the hall to my own room. I replayed that kiss in my mind over and over and over. I couldn't sleep. I spilled to my roommate the moment she walked in the door. We giggled and squealed. Then... He avoided me. Whenever I looked his way he'd turn away from me. He wouldn't talk to me, not even to say hi. He left every room I entered. What had I done? Why was he acting this way? How could I fix it? Finally I was so fueled by anger, frustration and hurt. I cornered him. WHY? Because I didn't give him more. He was a hunter. I was gullible, innocent prey. I seemed to be easy pickings but was actually too much effort. I hated him for a long time. I hated how he made me feel. How he made me want him. How he toyed with my silly affections. How he twisted my crush and manipulated my desires. How helpless and stupid I was to let him puppeteer me to his own ends. Then how casually he discarded me. But it was only a kiss. He never actually had my heart. He didn't truly have me. I was never completely under his spell. I didn't give him "more." I forgave him. I realized that I kept my power. I set the limit. I deserved better. Not long after I had my second kiss. It was unexpected. It was tentative and unsure. Then it was more. It was special. He talked to me the next day. He wooed me. He was kind. He was funny. He was more patient than I was. He is still my good morning kiss. My good night kiss. My how was your day kiss. My I can't believe I get to have you everyday for the rest of my life kiss. My first kiss may have been stolen but my forever kiss has my heart, freely given.
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