an accumulation of little despairs.

Happy Friday! Blending Together Brush Pack is available over here.

I can now say with 100% certainty I know the insane Clip Studio blending settings inside and out, so I'll definitely make more soon.

I can't post images that show too much of my stomach, because notable body fat trips whatever alarms are up in tumblr HQ. but advertisers can show me skinny white girls bouncing on it all day long bc like, they're advertisers.

i got an adhd diagnosis a year later and the test put my attention span in the less than one percentile (virtually impossible to score worse on it) and i got a recognition of the fact i have dyscalculia last year by my college and finally have some accommodations, though none of my classes require math recall without a calculator bc im a history major and most of it is just me having a really difficult time with calculating the time between dates. every mental heath professional i’ve seen since then has been horrified that i never got the accommodations i desperately needed

i got completely overlooked just because i worked so fucking hard to do basic things that everyone else said was easy and i have a people pleasing tendency the size of the moon so i was terrified of letting my teachers down. because i was seen as a “good student” i wasn’t able to be on the same playing field as everyone else and i felt horrible about myself.

i haven’t understood a math class fully since 6th grade general math. i didn’t learn how to do or understand math, i memorized the word orders in the word problems the teachers said would be on the test and wrote what they said in class or i would only get partial credit because i could use my calculator to get the right number but being completely unable to explain my work because it all jumbled in my mind and i couldn’t understand it at all. but because i was “engaged” (did the bare minimum of participation) i was left alone having breakdowns trying to do practice problems outside of help in class

i had someone say “well did you just want to be easier? the hard work to paid off!” when i told them about my diagnosis and you know what? yeah! i would have wanted it to be easier! the hard work may have paid off, but at the expense of my self worth and hours upon hours every week of frustration and pain. i didn’t want it to be easier, i wanted to be given the tools to understand stuff at the same level as everyone else!

money man

House of leaves

Piranesi