Iâm tired of the escalation and growing frequency of this fandom trend where people believe that any unique loyalty that Merlin earns from, say, Gwaine or Lancelot, is somehow an offense to Arthur, or taking from him the loyalty and companionship he is ~entitled~ to. He is not actually entitled to anyoneâs friendship because he might be âlonelyâ or jealous or what-have-you.
Posts like this also stress that Arthur would be put out by his knights choosing Merlin over him in the case of a magic reveal, which I find ridiculous since theyâve lowered the stakes from Arthur is committing a genocide against Merlinâs people down to⌠Arthur will be sad if their companions pick Merlin over him. Regardless, Merlin earned the friendship and loyalty of these people through his own kindness and understanding. Arthur is not entitled to the same just because it feels ~unfair~ that Merlin might have more friends.
More recently, I found a post that, intentionally or not, specifically downplays Gwaineâs friendship to Merlin in favor of casting his loyalty to Arthur as greater than it is in reality. I understand that itâs easy to see a post like that and, without knowing the proper context, conclude that it must be accurate, but most posts on here are working backwards through confirmation bias to prove a point, and therefore will disregard any context that does not fit the argument being made.
Because people believe that the king is entitled to an equal amount of love from Gwaine as his servant is (I wonder what subconscious bias that idea comes fromâŚ), they will look at the series through whichever lens fits their objective. But this is the crux of the argument: no one is entitled to anyone elseâs feelings, in friendship or romance or sex or duty or any other relationship type.
In truth, Gwaine gains a begrudging respect for Arthur towards the climax of his introductory episode, not a friendship. While he considers Arthur to be a âbrat,â he recognizes that Arthur does not apparently base a personâs worth on their background. By Gwaineâs standards, this makes him an exception among nobles.
Despite this, he does not become close with Arthur as far as canon proves, and he still explicitly regards Merlin above Arthur, both in words and in actions, consistently so even after he is knighted. Again, his sense of duty to Arthur does not automatically make them friends, nor does it necessarily conflict with his loyalty to Merlin. Most importantly, there is nothing wrong with Gwaine placing Merlin above Arthur.
Overall, Gwaine does have a sense of loyalty towards Arthur. Is he shown to actually be friends with him, though? In short, no. Although Gwaine already shows four episodes prior to the events of 3x08 that he is willing to die to defend Arthur based on his sense of morality, he explicitly does not consider Arthur a friend (to Merlin: âYouâre the only friend Iâve got.â). Rather, he feels duty-bound because he believes that Arthur is decent (for a noble) and actually worthy of his title. In truth, Gwaine is closer to Gwen than he is to Arthur, despite their shaky start.
Arthur is someone who Gwaine has deemed good enough for his position as a leader, but it is Merlin who he is utmost loyal to. This is imperative to understanding Gwaine as a character, and it is ultimately an overarching motif that defines who he isâsomeone who defies classist expectations, who sticks to his own sense of right vs. wrong, and who is deeply loyal to those who he believes deserve that loyalty. But there is no such thing as âdeservingâ someoneâs love. Gwaine offers that to Merlin freely, and itâs never a conscious choice to feel that way. Arthur cannot be âowedâ the same. Gwaine feeling duty-bound to Arthur does not mean that they have the same emotional connection or depth between them that Merlin and Gwaine have. It doesnât have to mean that.
Arthur is not entitled to Gwaineâs friendship or loyalty, and it would not make sense for Gwaine to place Arthur above Merlin to begin with, for all of the aforementioned reasons and more. If Gwaine chose Merlin over Arthur in the case of a magic reveal, this would not be âunfairâ to Arthur, and it wouldnât matter if it made Arthur feel âlonely,â because in this scenario, Gwaine is doing what he believes is right, rather than standing by Arthur based on a sense of dutyâone that is dependent on his belief that Arthur judges people based on their actions instead of their birth circumstances. And if Gwaine was forced to choose between Merlin and Arthur, at the end of the day, the answer to that is fairly obvious:
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He acted by instinct. He was already talking in the dragon tongue before he had time to think things through. The only thing Merlin knew was that one moment a wyvern was attacking Gwaine and the next the creature was scurrying away in the direction it had come as Merlin had commanded.
He could already see the Triple Goddess welcoming him into the afterlife.
Merlin just wanted to get as far as possible from the ruined fortress. He had been on edge since they had dismounted their horses, his magic telling him that something was dangerous here. But of course Arthur wouldn't listen, instead making fun of Merlin and his 'funny feelings' even after all the times he had proved himself right.
The sun hadn't already set, but it wouldn't be long before the darkness surrounded them. Merlin resigned himself and kept alert as they entered the ruins they had decided to camp on for the night. Lancelot walked by his side, sword at the ready as he knew what it meant when Merlin was on edge, and gave him an apologetic smile with a shrug of his shoulders. Merlin was thankful that at least someone believed him, although by the worried looks that Gwaine was constantly shooting around, Lancelot may not be the only one that had listened to him. The rest of the knights walked without much care, only a hand on the hilt of their swords just in case. It wasn't long before they found a room big enough for all of them to rest comfortably, and Merlin went to get something to burn a fire for the night.
"Have you found the monster that lived in the ruins yet, Merlin?" Arthur asked when Merlin returned. The rest of the knights chuckled at their banter, everyone already settled while Merlin started lighting the fire.
"For a second I thought I had found a troll, but don't worry, sire, it was just you," Merlin said with a smirk, even if the feeling of danger wouldn't disappear from the back of his mind.
Gwaine's chortle sounded the loudest through the room at the astonished look on the king's face, but everyone's laugh stoped the moment a loud screech was heard in the distance, and Leon asked, "What was that?"
The six knights moved fast as they got to their feet, unseating their swords and watching the entrance the sound had come from.
"That was a pheasant," Gwaine said, a nervous smile on his face as he glanced at Merlin before looking back at the entrance.
He almost wanted to laugh at the memory of their time in the perilous lands, but the wyvern that entered the room stopped him from reminiscing of the past. Soon, other two followed the first one, screeching and groaning while they cautiously approached their group.
The odds were in their favor, but Merlin knew better than to let his guard down around the winged creatures. With a roar of one of the wyverns, the battle begun, but it wasn't until Percival's sword pierced the last one that the warlock allowed himself to relax. No one seemed to be dangerously injured, so Merlin let out a sigh of relief.
"Well, that wasn't that hard, was it?" Gwaine said, moving his head to get his hair out of his face and turning to grin at Merlin. "They just were really big pheasants." Despite his careless demeanor, he was panting from the effort of fighting the creatures.
Merlin was about to reply when he saw a fourth wyvern coming out of the shadows of the other entrance, behind Gwaine, and his face paled. As the wyvern threw himself at the knight, Merlin knew that Gwaine wouldn't be able to react in time, to defend himself against an attack from his blind spot.
He acted by instinct. He was already talking in the dragon tongue before he had time to think things through, and the words came to him like second nature. The only thing Merlin knew was that one moment a wyvern was attacking Gwaine and the next the creature was scurrying away in the direction it had come, as Merlin had commanded.
No one said anything, and only the sound of the cracking fire disturbed the silence. Merlin's hands started trembling as terror took hold of him when he realized what he had just done, but most importantly, in front of whom.
"I-" he tried to say, but his throat was closed and not another word would come out. I messed up, he thought. The trembling of his hands started to spread throughout his body with every beat of his heart. He looked around him, each knight with a different emotion on their face. Arthur was still looking at the space the wyvern had been a moment before.
Merlin wanted to talk, to say something, but the words were stuck. With every second of silence the panic he felt only increased. "I'm- I- I'm sorry," Merlin managed to get out after several tries.
"Who are you?" Arthur asked, his tone so soft he wouldn't have heard it if it weren't for the loud silence. He was finally looking at Merlin, and it pained him to see the look on Arthur's face, as if he were watching someone else and not his best friend who had accompanied him to battle countless times.
"Merlin?" It was Gwaine's turn to talk when Merlin didn't answer the king's question, but the knight didn't look at him with disgust or uneasiness. He saw only worry in his features and a caution usually reserved for frightened animals, which he supposed wasn't very far from the truth as his shaking continued.
He didn't know how to answer Arthur. He was the Merlin Arthur knew, but he was also Emrys and the Once and Future King's other half. He was magic and a Dragonlord. But Arthur only knew one of those because the rest were a secret he had kept to himself for years now. Instead, he said softly, "I have magic."
Arthur made a chocked noise that took hold of Merlin's heart and squeezed until it felt like it was breaking apart.
Merlin startled when a hand landed gently on his shoulder, so focused on Arthur that he hadn't noticed Lancelot coming to his side. "I think we should talk," Lancelot said, giving Merlin's shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
"You knew," Arthur breathed out. It wasn't a question, but a statement, betrayal and pain clear in his voice as his face started to turn red with anger.
Merlin's gaze caught Gwaine's, and his reaction to Lancelot's interference was similar to Arthur's, the same betrayal and pain, but instead of anger he found a sea of sadness on his brown eyes.
"I did. I have known since the day we defeated the griffin," Lancelot admitted, voice loud and clear where Merlin's had been a mere whisper. "He didn't tell me, and if I had found out today like the rest of you, I wouldn't blame him, because it's a secret that could cost him everything. However, he risked everything when we fought the griffin and used his magic, and thanks to that I survived back then, the same way it's only because of Merlin that Gwaine is still with us now."
Merlin felt his vision turn blurry with unshed tears, but he forced them away, as he tried to push through the panic. Lancelot was trying to help him and he couldn't break down now, not when Lancelot would be accused of treason along with him if things went wrong. "I only use it for you, Arthur. For Camelot," Merlin said, voice slightly less unsure, but still pleading for him to understand.
"You're a sorcerer," Arthur said, spitting the last word with disgust.
"I was born with magic, I didn't chose to," he said in reply.
Their attention was pulled away from each other when Gwaine started to walk towards Merlin. For a second he feared his life would end before he had a chance to explain himself. However, no blade pierced his heart. Instead, two arms encircled his body and a voice whispered next to his ear, "Nothing has changed for me, you're still my truest friend, bog man."
It took his brain a second to realize that, at least, he hadn't lost Gwaine, and that is all it took for the tears he had fought so hard to contain to spill out as he returned the embrace.
"Gwaine!" Arthur's voice sounded disbelieving, and Merlin couldn't blame him because he hadn't expected someone to welcome him with open arms after they discovered their secret either. And yet, Gwaine's arms around him were proof that he still cared about Merlin, even now.
Gwaine pulled away from the embrace, but kept close enough to put an arm around Merlin's shoulders as he stood next to him. "What did you want me to do, princess?" Gwaine said. "If a friend tells you a secret that has him fearing for his life, the knightly thing to do is to support him, isn't it?"
Merlin felt Gwaine's shrug of his shoulder through the arm around him. Arthur's mouth started opening and closing, but when nothing came out of it he groaned in frustration and started pacing while he run his hands through his hair in desperation.
A few minutes passed where no one talked and everyone let Arthur organize his thoughts. Meanwhile, Gwaine kept Merlin close while rubbing his shoulder, something that he felt comforting even if the threat of an axe cutting his neck or burning in the pyre still haunted his thoughts.
"Talk," Arthur finally said when he stopped, jaw clenched and gaze hard.
It was a chance to finally lay it all out in the open, and Merlin did. He told him about his magic and how he was using it before he could even walk. He told him about coming to Camelot, to learn how to control his magic without just following his instinct. He told him about bandits and magic beasts that could only be killed with magic. He told him that magic didn't corrupt, that it was each person that chose how to use it. When he finished with one story, he went on to the next, finally free from the weigh on his shoulders that was his secret.
"-killed Nimueh after he tried to trick me and sacrifice Gaius instead of me-"
"-I freed the dragon, but I didn't know Kilgarrah would-"
"-told me that Balinor was my father and, when he died, I turned into the last Dragonlord-"
"-you from the Sidhe Sofia and his father when they tried to-"
"-tried to heal your father, but Agravaine put a-"
They had all sat down around the fire when Merlin had started talking, and by the time he had finished several hours had passed. The knights had asked questions and listened with an openness that Merlin could have only wished for, nodding from time to time as if the pieces of an incomplete puzzle where finally fitting in and they could at last make sense of it. Neither Gwaine nor Lancelot had moved from his side and they offered words of support when his emotions became too much and he had to stop for a bit.
Through it all, Arthur was quiet. He stared at Merlin with an intensity that made it impossible to look at him for too long, although he noticed how he flinched at certain parts like when he mentioned Balinor's death as well as Freya's.
"How many times?" Arthur asked, and he must have seen the confusion in Merlin's eyes, because then he clarified, "How many times have you saved me or Camelot?"
Merlin opened his mouth, but then frowned and stared the fire. "I don't know. I never counted them. It wasn't about how many times I protected you. It was just about keeping you, and everyone in Camelot, safe, regardless of the number of times I had to do it."
Arthur nodded just once at the answer and the silence returned once again to the room. Everyone seemed to think about what Merlin had been saying, each of them in their own world with pensive looks.
He felt a hand over his and turned to look at Gwaine, who was looking at him with affection and pride, making his heart race once again, but this time not in a bad way.
"No matter what happens, I will always be by your side, magic or not. Besides, I'm already planning some pranks that will need your help," Gwaine said as he bumped their shoulders and interlocked their fingers. Merlin's grin was genuine for the first time in what seemed decades.
It had happened slowly, he realized, but as he spent more time in Camelot and started to have more friends he loved and had to protect, keeping his magic a secret had started to weigh him down more than it ever had before, because he didn't want to lie to the people he cared about.
Now he was finally free of that weight and still had friends by his side no matter what, like Gwaine had said.
"Thank you," Merlin said in response, trying to convey his gratitud with just those two words and rubbing Gwaine's had with his thumb.
When Arthur stood and walked towards Merlin, he was ready for whatever he was going to hear, or at least he thought so.
"Merlin, I..." Arthur stopped talking to let out a deep sigh before getting on one knee and putting one hand on Merlin's shoulder. "I'm sorry you couldn't tell me sooner, or anyone else-"
"Arthur, it's not-"
"Yes, it is my fault, Merlin. And even after hearing you, there is still a voice in my head saying that magic is evil," Arthur said, and Merlin could see how much it hurt him to admit that. "You're my best friend, and it pains me to see how much you've suffered because of me. It's going to take some time until I can silence that voice, but I promise you that no harm will come to you because of who you are as long as I'm the king of Camelot."
"Are you saying...?" Merlin said with a trembling voice, not wanting to get his hopes up, but unable to stop himself from doing so.
"Yes, Merlin, you won't be executed nor banished, and I'm planning on lifting the ban on magic," Arthur said with a roll of his eyes, and Merlin threw himself at his friend to hug him. Surprisingly, Arthur returned his hug, even if just for a few seconds before he pulled apart. "You're such a girl."
When he looked at Lancelot, he had one of the biggest smiles he had ever seen in him. He was lucky to have them as friends.
The other three knights that had refrained from interfering while they talked, walked towards them and congratulated Merlin, giving him a few pats on the shoulder and back.
For the first time in his life, Merlin felt truly happy. Soon, he wouldn't have to hide anymore. He would be able to do magic freely and talk about it without being constantly on alert and hiding who he was. His friends knew what he was and they had accepted it.
"It will take time, though, before we can change the old laws for new ones if we want to avoid chaos," Arthur said, but not even that could spoil his happiness.
"Your father only needed one day to create them, so do it fast, Princess," Gwaine said with a teasing smirk.
"And look the mess he left me," Arthur said waving his hand in Merlin's direction, "a useless manservant that wouldn't be so useless if he could use his magic."
"I don't care about the time it takes," Merlin said with a wet chuckle, trying to stop the now tears of happiness with the sleeve of his blue shirt. "I have waited my whole life. I can wait a bit longer."
"Well then, everyone, lets get some rest and we'll talk more tomorrow," Arthur said, and everyone listened to him.
Merlin wouldn't be able to sleep even if he wanted to with the amount of energy he had in his body, so he chose to watch after their group in case another wyvern or some other creature appeared. He leaned on a wall and hugged his legs to his chest, resting his chin on his knees while he looked at his friends with a smile that wouldn't disappear anytime soon.
"So, apparently you're the greatest sorcerer to ever walk the earth." Gwaine said as he sat down next to him.
He didn't reply, just smiled with everything he got. No more holding back.
Gwaine answered with his own grin before running his hand through Merlin's hair, what got him a shove. It felt good to go back to their camaraderie as if nothing had happened.
"I believe I haven't thanked you yet for saving me, oh great Emrys," Gwaine said, and his smile turned genuine, filled with warmth.
"You don't have to, I did it for selfish reasons," Merlin said. Gwaine's acceptance mattered to him in a different way than the other knights', because the way he cared about him was different. He hoped that the words he had said conveyed the meaning of the words he hadn't.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Gwaine said after a bit, expression more serious than before. "Were you worried that I would have turned my back on you?"
Merlin turned to look away from his face, gaze unfocused. "No... well, yes, but it wasn't you I was worried about. Not really," he said with a sigh before glancing at Gwaine out of the corner of his eye to watch his reaction. "Since I was a kid, my mom has constantly warned me about keeping my magic a secret from others, and even when I came to Camelot Gaius always said the same thing as her. It didn't matter who it was, the fear was always there even if I trusted all of you with my life. It was something I couldn't tell anyone, not just you.
"I knew that Morgana had magic and yet I didn't even dare to tell her. It may have been an irrational fear, but it's difficult to forget about something that has been carved deep into your mind, the same way it's difficult for Arthur to forget about his father's warnings about magic, no matter how irrational it may be." Merlin started playing with the hem of his shirt, waiting for Gwaine to speak. He wanted him to understand that it wasn't because he didn't trust the knight.
"I understand, I just... wished that I could have helped you somehow," Gwaine said as he took Merlin's hand in his and interlocked their fingers. "I know that Lance was there for you, but I hate that I wasn't." he admitted in a soft voice. Gwaine's free hand reached up to cup his face and he leaned into the touch subconsciously as his thumb brushed Merlin's cheek.
"From now on, count on me for anything you need, alright? I don't care what it is. Even if you need me to run naked in the forest for some ritual, I'll do it," he said with a chuckle, "I'll do it for you." His words caused Merlin to blush, and Gwaine seemed to be delighted by that.
"Thank you, but I don't think there are any rituals that require someone to run naked in the forest," Merlin said.
"Well, I know of a certain ritual that requires nakedness, from both parts involved," Gwaine said with a wiggle of his eyebrows, and Merlin felt his blush deepen, but then Gwaine's eyes lost their playfulness as he leaned in slowly, giving Merlin a chance to move away. When he didn't, Gwaine's lips soon met his in a kiss that was far too innocent and chaste for it to come from someone as flirtatious as the knight, but it still made Merlin's heart race and a shiver to run down his spine.
"I have wanted to do that for a very long time," Gwaine said when he broke the kiss, resting their foreheads together. "Will you show me? Your magic?"
The question caught him off guard and he leaned back to watch Gwaine's face, making Gwaine's hand fall from his cheek, but he didn't see any hint of doubt or a joke. "You want to see my magic?"
"I want to know everything about you, and that includes your magic," he said with a reassuring squeeze to his hand.
"Okay," Merlin said as he thought about something he could do to impress him, but being careful not to scare him away either. When he saw the sparks from the burning fire in the center of the room, and idea came to his mind. He pulled from his magic as he extended his hand in the direction of the flame and sent it that way with the intent of giving it shape. A small dragon formed from the sparks, flapping its wings experimentally before flying towards the two of them and landing in front of their feet.
Merlin heard the gasp that came out of Gwaine's mouth and when he looked at him he had an awe stricken expression on his face, the corners of his eyes crinkling a bit because of his smile. When he reached to touch the little dragon the creature exploded in a thousand of sparks that floated around them, reflecting on Gwaine's eyes and illuminating the space the two were in.
"Your eyes," Gwaine said in a breathless tone with his mouth slightly ajar, "they're- you're beautiful."
"So are you," Merlin said before leaning in for another kiss, just because he could, and Gwaine seemed to want it too as he reciprocated in kind. This one was less chaste than the first one, but it was still full of affection as Merlin and Gwaine explored with their tongues each others' mouths. When they broke apart they were both panting and Merlin's hand had found its way to the back of Gwaine's head through his hair while Gwaine's was on Merlin's back, pulling them closer together.
"I want to court you. Properly," Gwaine said, "even if I don't know what I'm doing." Gwaine was biting his lip with a kind of nervousness that he had never seen in the knight before.
"You don't need to worry about anything. I will always want you, even if our attempts at courting each other end up in disaster."
"Wait, our attempts?" Gwaine said as a smirk started to grace his lips, the nervousness from a second ago banished from his expression.
"Of course, you didn't think that I would do nothing while you courted me, did you?" Merlin said with a grin.
"Then shall we make a bet and see which of us makes the other fall in love faster?" Gwaine said, a playful touch in his eyes.
"I don't think you should make that bet as you're bound to lose," Merlin said with a cheeky shrug of his shoulders.
"And why would that be?" Gwaine said playing along.
"Because I can make that cheese that tasted of apple pie you once dreamed about..." Merlin said as he gathered all the sparks around them on his outstretched hand and willed them to take the form of a piece of cheese, "with my magic." He felt giddy just by being able of saying something like that out loud without fear and he was almost afraid that he would wake up from at any given moment.
However, he didn't wake up, and, as Gwaine grabbed his face with both hands and joined their mouths in something that was more lips pressed together than a kiss, he could only look at the future with hope as he listened to Gwaine murmur something along the line's of 'luckiest man to ever walk the earth'.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Rating:
Teen And Up Audiences
Archive Warning
Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category:
M/M
Fandom:
Merlin (TV)
Relationships:
Gwaine/Merlin (Merlin)
Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin)
Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Lancelot & Merlin (Merlin)
Knights of the Round Table & Merlin (Merlin)
Characters:
Merlin (Merlin)
Gwaine (Merlin)
Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Lancelot (Merlin)
Leon (Merlin)
Percival (Merlin)
Elyan (Merlin)
Additional Tags:
Protective Gwaine (Merlin)
Protective Lancelot (Merlin)
Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin)
First Kiss
Emotional Hurt/Comfort
Happy Ending
No Beta Read We Die Like Morgana
Alone
Language:
English
Words: 3948
Chapters: 1/1
Summary:
He acted by instinct. He was already talking in the dragon tongue before he had time to think things through. The only thing Merlin knew was that one moment a wyvern was attacking Gwaine and the next the creature was scurrying away in the direction it had come as Merlin had commanded.
He could already see the Triple Goddess welcoming him into the afterlife.
That feeling when you start shipping two people and realize that the ship isnât as famous as you would like to so there isnât as many pics and fan art to read and enjoy. If someone has nice Merwaine fics (I donât care about the length) or nice fan art please send them to me, I need them đĽ˛
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im sorry but writing enemies to lovers on ao3 is so fucking funny. one of them will go a whole paragraph saying how much they hate, absolutely despise, have genuine burning contempt for the other and weâre all here knowing damn well that enemies to lovers tag is just sat there. like we already know whatâs coming bro youâre just embarrassing yourself
the appeal of enemies to lovers though is less âoh will they ever get together?â and more âat what exact point does he go from wanting to kill the bitch to the oh in italics?â
Reading fanfic has heightened my paranoia. Somebody could be directly across from me on the other side of the room with no reasonable way of being able to see my phone screen but I always have that nagging feeling that somehow everyone in the room knows exactly what sins Iâm committing and are severely disappointed in me.
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When Merlin wakes up and Arthur is not by his side, he know that he's going to have to get him back. The bandits aren't the ones that should be scared of him, it's the king who should be for being such a reckless idiot and going to fight them alone instead of bringing Merlin with him.
---
Merlin was going to murder him. Screw destiny, screw Albion, screw everything. If the bandits didnât kill Arthur, he would. More than once. He was going to bring him back to life time and time again and he would kill him in every possible painful way he could come up with.
When he had been informed that the king had gone missing and no one knew where he was, Merlin had already come up with a thousand ways of making him regret the day he chose to ignore the sorcererâs words.
âThat idiot never listens to me. Become the court sorcerer. People will listen to you. You will have influence,â Merlin muttered under his breath while he packed some essentials for the trip. âWell, all that is worthless if the freaking king goes and doesnât listen to me, that clotpole!â
Merlin was aware he was receiving weird looks from the stableâs boy, but he couldnât care less. He was bristling with energy, his whole body vibrating with the magic that cursed through his veins, alert, ready for anything he commanded it to do.
He mounted his horse and went in the search of Arthur, begging to The Triple Goddess that his love was alive. He wanted the privilege of murdering him for himself.
Merlin would be lying, though, if he said that he wasnât afraid. His heart seemed to beat too fast and too hard for it to be normal. He was feeling cold all over even under the heat of the summer sun. His hands trembled in the reins of his mount.
Despite the paralyzing fear that he felt, the sorcerer put on a brave face and hung on to the almost-blinding rage that had been fueling him since the news of the kingâs disappearance. No one would touch Arthur and live to tell the tale as long as he walked the earth, even if he had to burn the world to ashes to find those who had brought harm to his other half.
oOoOo
âThe mighty Arthur Pendragon,â The man said, circling around him and hitting him in the stomach, making him groan and loose his breath for some seconds before being able to look back up at the man with all the hatred he could muster. âDefenseless against me. The king of Camelot rendered powerless without his knights and his precious sorcerer.â The manâs laugh echoed around the room. âYouâre nothing without them, poor little boy.â
As if to prove his point, his last word was accompanied with a blow to Arthurâs face, and soon the coppery taste of blood blossomed in his mouth. His shoulders and arms ached with the strain that came with being chained to the ceiling by his wrists. That was nothing, though, compared to the pain that he felt on his side, where he was certain that he had several broken bones from the maze used to torture him.
âAt least Iâm above the lot of you, so scared of one man that you have to chain me. Afraid that Iâll humiliate you in a fair fight?â Arthur mocked with ragged breath, earning himself another hit. He should have learned that talking back was of no use, but he couldnât, wouldnât, let them break him. His body might be mauled, but his spirit was intact.
He just had to wait for Merlin, and that scared him more than this bandits ever could. Just the thought of it made him shiver. He was in big trouble, and that had nothing to do with being kept captive by some bandits. He feared the moment Merlin came to save him, certain that whatever the sorcerer had planned for him was a million times worse than this.
Arthur should have listened to him. He knew better than to come here alone, but he just couldnât let the bandits trade for the life of his sister as if she were an object. As soon as he had received notice that the bandits had captured Morgana and asked for him to come unescorted to pay for her ramson he had had to do something.
Obviously, Merlin was against the idea, but he slipped away in the darkness of the night and went to the location the captors of his sister had told him they would be waiting. To his surprise, they didnât have Morgana, but now they had him.
Merlin was going to skin him. He almost wanted to ask the bandits for protection against his court sorcerer. Maybe he would even have, but soon something seemed to shake the whole room. Hell, the whole building seemed to tremble. Several guards fell to the ground when they lost his footing and even the leader hat to grab Arthurâs chained arm to avoid falling.
Shit, Arthur thought. Merlin was here. He sighed and closed his eyes, accepting the fate that awaited him.
oOoOo
His magic was flowing out of him, surrounding the small castle and searching for Arthur. Bandits tried to stop him, but they barely took one step before they were thrown away with enough force to make cracks in the walls they collided with. He could sense the vibration of the ground beneath him, reacting to all the energy emanating from him.
An arrow flew towards him, but stopped a mere meter away from his head. He reached for the core of his power and with just a thought, the rest of his magic inside of him exploded, sending everything and everyone flying.
When his magic recognized Arthur, he walked that way, leaving a trail of unconscious bodies behind him. Soon, only a door stood between them and his magic burst them open without a problem. Dust was floating in the air and falling from the cracks in the ceiling with every tremor of the castle. Right now, Merlin was the one that kept it from crushing to the ground.
The expressions of the bandits were full of fear, terror dripping from them in waves. Good. His power lashed out and made them all fall to their knees, pressing them down and down until they were lying motionless, unable to move even an inch.
When his gaze focused on Arthur, stronger tremors shook the castle as his magic flowed from him like the waves of the ocean crashing against the shoreline. At least the prat had the decency of looking apologetic. Well, apologetic and about to empty his bladder in his torn pants if the panic in his face was anything to go by.
Merlinâs heart softened and ached when he finally noticed the state his lover was in. Several bruises and cutes adorned his body, the sight making his magic reach out to soothe him. He could see how the tension in Arthur's shoulders ebbed slightly and how his eyes became glassy as a small smile appeared on his face.
He went to stand in front of him and softly cradled Arthurâs face, his thumb brushing carefully over a bruise that was starting to form in his cheek. The king bowed his head and said, âIâm sorry.â
Merlin used his magic to make the chains disappear and held Arthur against his body when his legs gave out after hours of being held on his toes. He pulled him into a hug, with Merlinâs arms around his waist, and Arthur hid his face in the crook of his neck.
The sorcerer felt how Arthurâs arms moved to circle his neck as he returned the embrace.
After restoring the building enough to be sure it wouldnât collapse, his magic slowly retreated to circle around both of them, making sure that Arthur was safe, alive. With a content sigh, Merlin started focusing on healing the body in his arms, noticing how Arthur sagged against him more and more with every injury that he healed.
âYouâre in so much trouble that youâll need your whole life to make it up to me, but right now, youâre safe. Iâm here, love, youâre safe with me,â Merlin said, kissing Arthur on the top of his head.
oOoOo
Arthurâs heart swelled with emotion at his words and found himself speechless. He knew he was safe with Merlin. His arms around him were like a fortress, keeping the threats of the world away from him. He had never felt safer that with Merlin, and not only because of his magic but because Arthur had given him his heart, and the sorcerer protected it with everything he had, making him know how loved he was.
Even when the castle seemed to be about to crumble down, Arthur had known that nothing would happen to him. Merlinâs magic was like a hurricane, able to destroy everything that would dare approach him, but it worked as a shield too, because he kept those he cared about in the eye of the storm, where they were safe from the winds that would crush anyone that wanted to cause them harm.
For a moment, he forgot where they were when lips pressed against his hair and just enjoyed his rapidly recovering body and the man that held him, but that didnât last long.
âLook how cute, the princess needed to be saved,â The leader of the bandits said.
Arthur stiffened when he remembered where they were and took a step back sharply, as if he had been jerked awake from a good dream.
He looked at the man and the banditâs eyes were full of a hatred that he returned tenfold. Before he could say anything, Merlin stepped in front of him.
âIt seems like you are the one that needs saving,â Merlin said, and Arthur smirked when he heard the venom that laced with his words. âYou know, after the ban against magic was lifted, I finally was able to learn a lot of things about my power. There are many spells, but I can think of one that Iâm sure youâll love.â
Arthur loved the way the manâs face paled even more. He knew what it was like to face Merlinâs anger, having been there before, and it would make even the bravest of men run away in fright.
âI will bind you to this castle so that you can never leave its walls, condemned to stay here for the rest of your life.â
âWhat? No! Please, have mercy, please!â The bandit pleaded, but with a movement of Merlinâs wrist, no more sound came out of his mouth.
âAdiuro vos in loco isto ut non numquam etiam,â Merlin said, and with a flash of golden in his eyes, the spell was cast.
oOoOo
They camped half way to their home because Arthur was too tired to make the trip in one go. Merlin had healed his body, but he could see how the captivity had affected his king, so he decided that resting would be the best.
Now that the worry had faded away after rescuing Arthur, he had started to feel relief, but also the anger that he had felt before. Merlin knew why he had done it, but it also hurt that he had been left behind, especially when he could have helped and all this problem would have been avoided.
Arthur was silent, sitting beside him, his focus on the flame before them. Merlin could actually feel the guilt that emanated from him, but it did nothing to dissipate his anger. Several minutes passed where the only sound that they could listen was the sound of the fire, but then Merlin heard Arthur sigh.
âIâm sorry,â he said.
He kept quiet for a long time, pondering everything he wanted to say, all the arguments he had come up with during Arthurâs search, but when he spoke, it was only to say, âWhy?â
Arthur looked at him with his head tilted to his side, his emotions clear on his eyes, and Merlin saw the flicker of confusion at the question.
âWhy did you leave without me?â Merlin clarified, and then Arthur looked away, a blush of embarrassment clear in his cheeks even in the night.
âI⌠I just- I donât know, I-â Arthur stuttered, but then he closed his mouth and run a hand to his hair, clearly distressed. Merlin waited, but Arthur didnât attempt to say anything again, so he decided to do it instead.
âI told you to wait until the morning,â he said, barely over a whisper, but in the silence it almost seemed too loud. âI told you that we would both go there to help Morgana. I know how worried you were because she is like a sister to me too, but I knew that going to get her in the middle of the night wouldnât solve anything because we needed to rest. You sneaked out ignoring everything I told you.â His voice had started to get louder, more irritated as his emotions took hold on him. In the distance, lightning struck. âYou got captured because if you had waited until morning like I had told you, you would have discovered that she escaped and was back in the castle before the sun rose. All you did was useless because there was no one to save! You got yourself tortured for nothing!â
Merlin stood up and started pacing, not trying to control himself as he ended almost yelling, the fear and worry he had felt when he had woken up alone in their chambers coming back to him. âI could have lost you! Do you know how worried I was? I knew where you were, but not if you were safe, not if I would be able to arrive in time. If you were going to go anyways then you wake me up and we go, together-â
âIâm fine now, Iâm alive, so stop shouting at me! I know I made a mistake, but everything is alright now, so stop worrying, Iâm not a kid you need to take care of!â Arthur yelled, standing up too and standing in front of him.
âThen stop acting like one!â Merlin yelled back, his voice cracking. The tears he hadnât known he had been holding back since he had woken up finally spilled and run down his cheeks. âI know youâre alright now, but I didnât know that before, when I was riding in your search. I didnât know what they would do to you, and I was scared, Arthur. Youâre the king and you have a responsibility to your kingdom, but youâre also so much more to me, my partner, my best friend, my everything, and I couldnât bear to lose you.â He said softly, his anger deflating until there was nothing left in him but such a deep ache that came with the knowledge of how wrong things could have gone. âI love you, so much that it hurts to even think of being apart from you. And it also hurts that you would leave me behind, because I thought we were past keeping things from each other and going behind each otherâs backs since you discovered my magic. Guess I was wrong,â he finished, and now that he said it out loud, he noticed that most of his feelings revolved around that, about Arthur not trusting Merlin enough to tell him that he was going to go anyways.
He felt drained of all his energy and he sat down back again, cross-legged, with his elbows resting on his legs and his face hiding behind his hands. Merlin didnât hold back, letting the tears flow freely as his body shook. He guessed he deserved it, after all, he had hidden his magic from Arthur, so itâs only normal that Arthur would hide things from him too.
He had been so foolish thinking that things between them would be alright, but how could they when Arthur didnât trust him? It was all his fault. He should have told Arthur, but fear had stopped him, like something had stopped the king from asking Merlin to come with him.
âYouâre an idiot if you think I donât trust you,â he heard Arthur say, and he lifted his head to look at him.
oOoOo
Arthur felt something squeezing his heart when he saw the miserable look in Merlinâs face, and soon he was blinking back tears of his own, but he continued talking, regardless of how difficult it was to get the words out when his throat had seemed to close up.
âI trust you with my life, with the life of everyone in my kingdom, with the future of Camelot, with my heart. What I did wasnât out of a lack of trust, it was out of fear. I thought Morgana was in danger, and I couldnât let any harm come to her,â he said, but when he tried to open his mouth to speak again, Merlin cut him, his voice so weak that it hurt to hear it.
âBut why didnât you bring me with you?â
âBecause I knew you wouldnât like it and that you would argue. You had told me to wait, but I couldnât and I didnât want to waste any more time,â he said, desperately trying to make Merlin see why he had done it.
âYou could have taken me, you know that if you asked me I would move the mountains, conquer the sky and tame the sea for you. If you had told me how you felt I would have helped you without a word,â he said.
âIâŚâ Arthur knew that, but in that moment all that he could think about was rescuing Morgana, he didnât think about anything else, and that was the problem, âI didnât think, I just acted.â
Tense seconds of silence passed where Merlin looked at him with so much pain in his eyes that Arthur wanted to hit himself for being so stupid. He could almost feel Merlinâs pain as if it were his own, because he knew how he would have been if the roles were reversed, if it were Merlin that had disappeared in the middle of the night.
Arthur would have gone mad with worry, no matter how capable Merlin was of taking care of himself.
âIâm sorry, I really am,â he said, crouching down in front of the sorcerer and taking his hands in his. âNever think that I donât trust you, because I do, more than I trust myself. And youâre right, weâre past the hiding and all that, and I should have told you, for that, Iâm sorry. I never meant for it to end like this, I just wanted to help my sister and I forgot that I had you by my side.â Arthur kissed his knuckles and smiled sadly at him. âCome on, Iâll let you call me a dollophead without sending you to the stocks.â
That managed to get a chuckle out of Merlin and with the sound some of the tension in the air dissipated. âYou really are a dollophead,â Merlin said, and Arthur could hear the fondness in his voice.
âI donât know what I did in my other life, but it must have been legendary because I certainly havenât done anything worthy in this one to deserve you,â Arthur said, moving to stand up and pull Merlin with him by the hands.
âYouâre right, Iâm too good for you,â Merlin laughed wetly, sniffing and brushing his tears with his forearm, not letting go of Arthur.
Arthur gaped at him through his smile and said, âYou canât address me like that,â remembering the words he had said the first time they met.
Merlin didnât disappoint when he answered, âSorry. Youâre right, Iâm too good for you⌠my lord.â
âYou were such an idiot back then,â Arthur laughed, throwing his head back, feeling lighter than before and dizzy with relief, knowing that they would be alright.
âYou were such a prat back then, although, now that I think about it, you havenât changed much, have you?â Merlin mocked, both of them chuckling, and Arthur shook his head.
âI love you so much,â he said, his heart so full of affection towards the man in front of him that he felt like it would burst any moment now.
âI love you too,â Merlin replied, a smile on his face that didnât reach his eyes. âbut if you pull something like that again I swear the torture methods they use will be nothing compared to what Iâll do to you.â
âWell, you can always bind me to your bed, canât you?â he whispered next to Merlinâs ear and enjoying way too much the shiver that run through the sorcererâs body.
âI- Wh- I-â Merlin stuttered, his eyes wide and dark, probably having imagined the situation. âOh god, youâre in so much trouble.â He finally said, a grin so wide in his face that it might split it open.
They kept staring at each other and soon they were resting their foreheads together, slowly moving to embrace each other. Arthur drank in the feeling of being in Merlinâs arms again like a thirsty man seeing water for the first time in days.
âNever leave me again, please,â Merlin said, his breath tickling the skin of his neck, his tone full of vulnerability.
âNever again, I promise, love, never again,â he said in earnest, vowing to himself that no matter what could happen in the future, they would deal with it together.
