Ask Vanya

Hi Anon!

I am sorry to hear that you are so down. There are a couple of options that I can give to you today. The first is to check out the links on the side of my page, because there are people who might know more about this than I do, and might be better equip to help you. The second thing is that it is difficult to help you without knowing why you are depressed. The third is that the decision to live happily is yours.

Now, I realize that it is easier said than done, and coming from someone who has battled depression, I know how hard it can be to get out of the black hole that seems to consume all of your thoughts. I would say to find one thing, just one thing that you are happy to be alive for. IN my case, it was my younger brother. Every time I thought about suicide, I thought about the one thing that kept me alive, which was him. How much I would miss him if I were gone. For my friend, it was her books. She loves to read, her books mean everything to her.

Everyone has their own interests, hobbies, and likes. Find one thing, just one, that makes you happy to be alive and keep that in mind. Find one person that you can confide in and talk to about your feelings, especially a person you can call when you feel like you are really depressed. The links on the side of my page will help you if you do not already have one person in your life like that. Ultimately, at least to me, being happy is a choice. I choose to be a happy person. Is it easy? No, no most days it is a struggle to keep the smile on my face. The smile isn't fake though, I just try to make it through every day happy. Tell yourself that you will have a good day, and say it in front of a mirror. At first it will feel stupid, but it is psychologically proven to help you feel more confident in yourself.

hi anon,

I have to tell you that I believe, because of past experience that honesty is the best policy. If you aren't interested in him, just tell him.

I think that either he is lonely and looking for a friend, or is interested. Clearly you dont want to date him so I would make sure to tell him that. Be clear about your intentions. Do you want to be friends with him? if you do, be clear that he just isn't what you're looking for but that you want to be friends. If you don't want to be his friend, tell him that you think he is a nice guy, and you were interested but now you aren't.

Either way, you need to tell him how you feel. You are going to hurt his feelings, I wont lie to you, but I would rather see him mad at you for being honest than to hate you for stringing him along and making him believe you were interested when you're not.