Lou R. R. Zurn

@zeawesomebirdie

my little cousin confidently declared that mother nature had a counterpart named daddy electric and i feel like this concept needs to be explored

where's the joy and whimsy guy? Have they found this one yet?

@joy-and-whimsy-official

told my mom today about how lucky I am to have her. about how many trans girls I know who don't have any parents in their lives anymore. about how unusual she is for loving me as much as she does. she said it was a privilege to get to know the real me. i said it's a privilege to have a mother who'd say something like that.

the thing about transitioning is that once you don't have to try at passing anymore you can start really tomboying it up and that's when shit gets really good. I feel like the coolest chick alive

I want to have like a real romance with someone. I want to fall in love slowly, and it's terrible because I know in all my eagerness, I'll forget to let my heart grow fond all on its own. I miss the opportunity to catch myself staring a little too long, or have my feelings bubble up at times I don't expect them. I lose out on casual kindness slowly becoming affection, and saying all the things except "I love you". I worry that the height of my desire, makes the depths of my passion shallow. Maybe I'm wrong, because love exists not only in the act of falling, and there are a hundred ways to leave the ground. But I tend to leap with too much faith, and I'm much too quick to land. Do you know what I mean?

love is so terrifying to me. i want it so bad but im so scared of it. i think i like this girl and weve been getting closer, but im so conflicted about my feelings and i want to draw back and distance myself because im scared. im scared of getting hurt or letting myself be too vulnerable and im scared of fucking things up. i dont know if i like her or the idea of being loved and it hurts guys it huuurrttsssss i hate this so much

I wanna show them how much they mean to me by getting them stuffies of her favourite animal, putting a picture of her/us in my locket and barley taking it off, making playlists for each other, getting into each others interests, getting them flowers (especially Lego ones for us to build together) and to do so so much more because she just deserves to know how incredible she is.

anyways whilst homosexuality (particularly my own) is so dear to me, i can't help but feel like sometimes it is a curse. and that is only because of The Longing. The Longing has become as much a part of me as my own shadow. To which you may say, "Rye. your shadow is not a part of you." Which is exactly my point. The Longing is not physically a part of me but I cannot exist without it. and i yearn so desperately for love. which sucks because i literally have love. i Love my family and i Love my friends but i am unfortunately human and i unfortunately fall to the human fault of having a hard time existing without romantic love. and that feeling of scratching and clawing and reaching for something that comes so naturally to my heterosexual and multi-sexual peers is so abhorrent. and media pushes teen love and young love into our faces, and seeing my peers being in love pushes it into my face in particular, and while I am by no means complaining about my friends being in love (because, I find it so beautiful to have steady romantic love, it's wonderful and it makes me feel hope), it's hard to have love pushed at me because i don't have it myself, and I want it so bad, so The Longing gets more difficult. and while there's nothing i dislike more than inserting your own baggage onto other people's happiness with no prompting or permission, it's starting to become understandable why people comment "i'm going to go sleep in the road" to happy queer couples on tiktok because like. there's fully a chance that it won't happen for me. while I love to say that there's someone out there for everyone so there has to be someone out there for me, WHEN ARE THEY GONNA FIND ME? CAN A BITCH GET AN ETA?? cause bro. we constantly get fed media of teen romanticism. but for homosexuals in particular it's actually not that likely. and what we see in our day to day lives is actually the outliers. and part of homosexuality happens to be patience? and nobody tells you that? and that you just have to let The Longing consume you whole? because you just have to wait for the kind of tenderness and domesticity and intimacy and care and knowledge of another person. and i KNOW that it'll make it better when it happens and i KNOW that it'll happen one day but god why can't that day be soon.

Those fantasies where you wish someone would show up with flowers and profess their love for you with handwritten letters