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THE SURVEY METHOD: Ask people questions to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic or fair.

THE EXPERIMENTAL METHOD: Conduct an experiment to test the validity of your negative thought.

THE ANTI-DOUBLE STANDARD TECHNIQUE: Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend, rather than the way you normally talk to yourself.

here's a collection of songs that I've curated that made me go "holy shit they read my mind while writing this." i'd like to think they cover the full spectrum of BPD moods from "wow I hate myself and wanna die" to "I'm literally the best person ever why do people still not like me" to "am i even a person that exists". some of it isn't necessarily BPD related bc this is my personal feels playlist so please excuse that lol.

ADHD is a bad term all-around, and I kinda hate the way it was named after the things neurotypicals observe about us that they consider disruptive, rather than the things we actually experience. (This is why I personally like the term some experts have proposed, which is EFDD, aka Executive Function Deficit Disorder, cause that’s what it actually is, but not many call it that)

I say this just so you know that when I say ADHD, that includes everyone with ADHD. You don’t need to ask “I have ADD, is it okay if I reblog this?” because you are included in ADHD (primarily inattentive-type) and therefore yes, it applies to you <3 

Side note: Autism and ADHD overlap a ton so if you’re on the autism spectrum and relate to an ADHD post/symptom, that’s valid, too! And if you’re questioning whether you have ADHD, you’re also welcome to reblog or whatever you like :) It only really bothers me when someone neurotypical who doesn’t think they have ADHD reblogging with stuff like “I don’t have ADHD but same” or “this isn’t ADHD, everyone does this sometimes”

TL;DR (cause every post about ADHD needs one lol):

ADD is an outdated term for Primarily Inattentive-Type ADHD (ADHD-PI)

The 3 ADHD types are Primarily Inattentive, Hyperactive, and Combined

ADHD is poorly-named. “Hyperactivity” is about your mind, not your body

Executive dysfunction is the main component of ADHD

If you’re any of the types of ADHD, think you may have ADHD, or are on the autism spectrum, know that you are absolutely included in my posts about ADHD. 

I doubt “EFDD” is going to catch on anytime soon, if at all, and I do still use the term ADHD in general, but EFDD is so much more accurate to our experiences. NTs looked at us (well, only young boys) and went “Ah, they can’t focus and are too energetic! The disorder must be a deficit of attention and too much hyperactivity!” 

Bruh. It’s executive dysfunction, which results in a LOT OF SYMPTOMS because the parts of our brain responsible for regulating the other parts of our brain don’t function properly on their own. Our functioning doesn’t function. Thus, we have 

Emotional dysregulation: the symptoms of which fit under the umbrella term rejection sensitivity (I used to think it was rejection-sensitive dysphoria but recently learned RSD isn’t an approved term either – it was made up by one guy, and is inaccurate). We have trouble controlling our emotions and keeping them in check. This also means that we can have stronger reactions than NTs to things that hurt us, often responding with sadness, guilt, anger, and/or self-hatred. These symptoms are why many ADHDers are misdiagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder)

Unbalanced amygdalae: responsible for fight/flight/freeze/fawn, so our sense of danger is constantly heightened, so we’re seen as “overreacting” (when to us, we’re reacting proportionately to the level our brain interprets the situation)

Poor volume control: We just don’t know we’re being as loud/quiet as we are :P The trend is that often inattentive types are quieter (not always!!) and tend to not realize when they’re being too quiet, while hyperactive types tend to not realize when they’re being too loud. But all ADHDers can struggle with both. 

Our motivation doesn’t exist unless there’s some external motivator activating the amygdala or giving us dopamine/hyperfocusing. We can’t “just start!” or force ourselves to be motivated. It’s all about inertia: if we’re in motion, it’s hard to stop without an outside force, and same goes for when we’re at rest. We often can’t/don’t know how to stop, start, or switch between tasks.

We lack sufficient dopamine, norepinephrine, and other neurotransmitters. Low dopamine leads to depression, so we’re constantly having to seek stimulation elsewhere – hence the “hyperactivity.” People with ADHD-PH are most noticeable in this, because they primarily seek external stimulation like running around, eating food, excessive fidgeting and stimming, talking, making noises, etc. For ADHD-PI it manifests as seeking things to stimulate the mind more so than the senses, such as having interesting daydreams or focusing on things you’re not “supposed” to be paying attention to. And of course ADHD-C does both of these.

Auditory processing: take our difficulty paying attention and pair it with our difficulty taking in information, and it’s hard enough to understand what people are saying. But we’ve ALSO got auditory processing problems, which means we sometimes hear jumbled versions of the words said to us, miss words or sentences entirely, and the sounds can slur together so we’re always asking “what did you say? Sorry”

The hippocampus: y’know, the place in charge of converting short-term memory to long-term? Yeah that guy’s messed up. Our memories are so bad, y’all. Sometimes we can have great memories for random things (I still remember ~50 digits of pi cause I learned 100 in 6th grade) or if we really, really try, but we don’t often get to choose what we remember no matter how “important” it is to us. We just forget. 

hi and welcome to my 2nd original post to the actually autistic/ actually neurodivergent community! the last time i posted, it was received very well, and i’m so happy about that!! today, i would like to discuss the topic of how to give simple cleaning tasks to autistic or neurodivergent people either if you’re neurotypical or if you’re nd-spec yourself and want to use this to help other nd spec people in your life. another thing i’ve added is how to talk about the chore around them afterwards without making them feel bad 😊🤍

this post is mainly targeted parents/chosen family or household partners, but can apply to anyone. 

assigning the task in the situation

❌ avoid saying this: 

after you’ve finished eating, can you help clean up that stuff over there

will you clean up your plates/cups after eating?

remember to clean up after yourself 

why? being too vague or hinting when you talk about these seemingly simple cleaning tasks doesn’t work with me. when you never specify exactly what is expected of me, i’m more likely to forget unintentionally. i never intend to not be helpful or resist cleaning up, forgetting is accidental for me. the word ‘remember’ before a task is not always enough to help me recall the task in a detail. 

✅ consider saying this instead:

after you’ve finished eating, can wash the cutting board, put the knives in the dishwasher, take off plates from the table and put the cups in the sink?

will you please make sure that the kitchen table and the dinner table are free from dishes, and leftover crumbs? and can you please put the leftover food away into the cupboard or in the refrigerator? 

can you please do the dishes for me/ with me or dry off the already done dishes for me/ with me?

why? specifying the content of the cleaning chore which needs to be done helps me know exactly which tasks are expected of me and in which order. this is especially true if i’m supposed to do these tasks either without supervision or whilst i’m home alone. again, this is not laziness or a genuine choice, it’s a simple glitch in the short term memory because of my neurodivergence. while specifying what has to be done takes a little extra time, it stays in my memory for longer and is less likely to get lost in fixation of something else (like a special interest or unfinished task). using this approach, we both avoid the awkward confrontation afterwards and the hassle of joint cleanup.

talking about the task after the situation

❌ avoid saying this:

(disapprovingly) you never remember to clean up after yourself

(accusatory) i expected you to do this on your own

(guilt tripping) you’re (your age), you should be able to do this on your own by now

why? using strongly negative words like ‘never’ in a disapproving way makes me feel bad about myself and makes me less motivated to improve this behavior in the future. this is because i get the feeling that the person who assigned the task isn’t satisfied at any point. if you never specified your expectations and then accuse me of not meeting them, i feel uncomfortable and anxious. i never got a proper chance of doing the right job. finally, if you use my age in an attempt to make me feel guilty about my minor memory slip up, or you infantilize me/compare me to a child, i’ll feel invalidated and hurt. using my age to guilt trip me has nothing to do with the situation at hand and won’t help me become better.

✅ consider saying this instead:

(comforting tone) i know that you you didn’t do the task completely this time, but i’m sure you can do it next time. i don’t mind helping you.

(genuinely interested) is there something i can do so you can complete the task next time? is there something you feel like you’re missing? (=sensory aids or just readily available supplies)

(reassuring tone) it’s okay if you messed up this time. we can divide the tasks between us and help each other get this done

why? letting me know that i have a chance to better myself and offering your help at the same time lets me know that i’m allowed to make this mistake without my self-esteem dropping. it lets me know that this slip up has nothing to do with my personal worth. asking me with genuine interest if there is something you can do to help me be better next time motivates me to do better. being accommodating of my sensory needs makes me feel taken care of and accepted. going through strategies or aids will over time result in my succesful completion of the cleaning task. offering to split the cleaning task will enable me to still get peace of mind about it. this is not always possible, i know, but in settings with less stress and more time, this is a good solution. not belittling me for it allows me to feel good about myself while still either feeling motivated to do it, or actively doing it!

⚪️ man

⚪️ woman

🔘 person with adhd

and i am seeking:

⚪️ men

⚪️ women

What is Autistic Burnout? a guide from Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network (AWN)

Signs: • Lack of motivation (hard to care about goals when everyday life is overwhelming) • Loss of executive functioning abilities (decision-making, organization, etc.) • Difficulty with self-care • Easier to reach overload or meltdown • Loss of speech, selective mutism • Lethargy, exhaustion • Illness, digestive issues • Memory loss • Inability to maintain masks or use social skills • Overall seeming “more autistic” or stereotypical • May have period of high energy before collapse

Causes: • Passing as neurotypical / suppressing autistic traits • Doing ‘too much’, too much stress • Aging: needing more downtime, having less energy • Changes, good or bad (relationships, jobs, living arrangements, belongings, environment, routines…) • Sleep deprivation, poor nutrition, dehydration • Illness • Sensory or emotional overload

Strategies: • Time • Scheduling breaks, managing spoons • Leave of absence • Stimming, sensory diet • Exercise • Massage • Reminders and supports • Routines • Better environment/job/etc. • Boundaries, saying ‘no’ • Dropping the mask/façade • Solitude • Absolute quiet • Creative projects, passions, special interests • Paying attention to reactions and your body

A meltdown is not attention-seeking behavior.

A meltdown is not attention-seeking behavior.

A meltdown is not attention-seeking behavior.

A meltdown is NOT attention-seeking behavior.

A MELTDOWN IS NOT ATTENTION-SEEKING BEHAVIOR!!!!!