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killing time
Iβve been notorious to be the girl that others enjoy using as a βtime fillerβ - so Iβve noticed. I find myself falling over and over again for people that donβt quite feel the same way. Of course, behind their pretty words and the wholeΒ βlet me convince you that I mutually like you backβ notions, I often began to believe that maybe, just maybe, things will be mutual for once. But, as always, it never is. I somehow always manage to let myself love more. It doesnβt matter if the relationship is platonic or romantic, I always feel like my end is the one loving way more than it should. My soul has so much love and Iβm not sure that others can quite handle that. And I donβt believe Iβve ever been in a place where Iβve felt otherwise. Despite the fact that Iβve sat here and pretended like Iβm okay with it, putting on a facade ofΒ βI donβt give a fuckβ, it almost seems like it gives others the excuse to think their actions of leading me on is okay. But the scary thing is, and why Iβm writing this, is that Iβve oddly become okay with it recently. Iβve become immune to high expectations and them being tore down with the reality that my idea of loving someone else is way too optimistic. So, thatβs why Iβve decided to have my fun. I will continue loving others as hard as I can, but I refuse to let myself be convinced that things will work out in the end. Until someone out there can prove to me that I can be loved more than I have the capacity to love others, I will use my adoration for pure pleasure. I will not allow myself to be hurt by others that canβt see my worth and my love for them.Β
At some point, I have to stop writing about the people who left. I have to stop rewriting stories to make it look like nothing ever ended. At some point, I have to declutter my workspace and throw away unsent letters, delete drafts that I canβt finish, take down tiny notes I accidentally published. Iβm tired of twisting tales. They left and thatβs all of it.
hardboundnotebookΒ (via wordsnquotes)
Expectation is the root of all heartache.
Shakespeare (via refluent)

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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We canβt selectively numb emotion. Numb the dark and you numb the light.
BrenΓ© Brown (via quotemadness)
And sometimes it hits me out of nowhere. All of a sudden this overwhelming sadness rushes over me. And I get discouraged and I get upset and I feel hopeless, sad and hurt. And once again, I feel numb to the world.
Anonymous.Β (via unlively)
βThe label were considering letting her go. I said listen, even if you drop her, I will pay her to come to my house and sing. Cause the shit fucking moves me.βΒ

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Laura Zalenga

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I want you to drunk text me. I want you to think about me. Please fucking think about me sometimes because the only thing I do is think about you
(via nakedly)