STEADY

𝐀𝐃𝐀𝐌 𝐒𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐃

full name: Adam Seyed gender & pronouns: cis man & he/him age & date of birth: 31, September 15th 1991 where do they live: downtown time living in lockwood springs: 16 years / recently returned 6 months ago occupation: csi / cleaner positive traits: considerate, kind, meticulous negative traits: impulsive, untrusting, overly-particular face claim: Oliver Jackson Cohen

★・・・・・・★

                         There was a lot of time between then and now and it was almost unnatural that neither of them were there for one another during it all. A lot had happened that she wished, even at the time, for Adam’s friendship again. Still, Kenzie wasn’t any better at apologies. It was a flaw from the years of resent and bitterness that warped into her personality. She watched Adam with a small smile, flicking her eyes back to Koda who seemed proud of his title. “I think I know who told you the secret, huh? That your dad? He wasn’t supposed to tell you ‘til you were eighteen.” she played into the bit, watching as Koda nodded and she gave a small there you go shrug back at Adam. “You can tell him your real name, say hi properly and thank you.” she encouraged her son with a small wave of their joined hands and Koda’s voice followed, taking her words literally. “My real name is Koda Captain Underpants, thank you properly.” She didn’t correct him and instead just nodded. “He uh…his dad likes cartoons or like…well, anything that’s meant for kids. Guess it…comes in useful every now and again.” she laughed and then frowned slightly. We’re not together though, was on the tip of her tongue but that would be weird and pointless information. Why did Adam need to know?

“Oh don’t even mention it. You should see many shirts he got dirt on when he thought it was a good snack. I was hoping he’d grow out of it but it seems to be…a thing.” she could laugh about it before the squeeze against her shoulder transported her back a decade or more. Without thinking she leaned into the touch, wishing to be able to follow it completely and not feel it fall away. “Yeah, I’m all good now. Thanks. This coulda been a bad day.” she laughed nervously, taking the napkins and waving them in a little thanks motion. “You sure I can’t…do something to say thanks?” It’d be weird to hang out with a mom and her son though, right? A mom that couldn’t even apologize or break the ice in any way, other than Adam witnessing unplanned glimpses into her life. “I don’t know if you were almost done but they got a good coffee cart with a few snacks and stuff?”

•

Adam has been known to think himself into a circle. He analyzes each detail with meticulous precision, constantly searching for new information. He’d done the same with their friendship. Almost as though conducting a post-mortem, he tried to discern where it all fell apart, where it shattered past the point of fixing. Sometimes you can put broken glass back together, other times it just cuts. And that’s how it felt with Kenzie. His best friend for so many years, gone in the span of a few angry words. He hated how, at the time, it felt like his mouth was full of cotton. Impossible to speak or explain. Over the years, when he was feeling particularly nostalgic, Adam told himself it wouldn’t have made a difference. The night they’d shared would’ve changed the course of their relationship one way or another. News of his move had just beaten them to it. 

Now, it seems like he can’t escape Kenzie or how they’d left their fraught friendship, tattered into a million scrap pieces. But Koda’s small, matter-of-fact voice draws him out of his reminiscence and Adam crouches down to extends his hand to the child. “It’s great to formally meet you, Koda Captain Underpants. My real name is Adam Batman Seyed. Your secret is safe with me.” he says, shaking Koda’s hand, smiling at his wide eyes, “but is mine safe with you?” Adam returns with a good-natured grin before nodding at Kenzie. His dad. Right. “Nothing wrong with that,” he nods, “nice for kids to have something in common with their parents.” Which is about as much as he thinks he should say on the matter. It’s not his business. 

He laughs at the mention of Koda eating dirt and raises a brow. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I refused to use a utensil for four years but look at me now,” he splays his arms wide, “a full grown, utensil-using adult,” Adam reassures with a soft laugh. They’re not friends anymore but he feels like they could be if he just said something. If he explained. But why would he do that? It all happened years ago. The past should stay in the past, isn’t that what people said... “I’m glad it wasn’t.” Adam hated to see people upset, especially an old friend…ex-friend? “Oh, uh, I wouldn’t want to impose. It’s really okay…” he tries to wave off the offer but the mention of coffee piques his interest enough that he wavers. “I mean…you sure? I could go for some coffee. I passed a few stalls back there but Captain Underpants was threatening to run away again.” And even though he hadn’t known who’s kid Koda was at the time, he felt that any parent would want someone looking out for their child in a situation like that. 

Hadi made a face at his cousin, hearing about what he had to do the night before and his imagination filling in all the blanks. It made him swallow hard and his appetite disappear. “I’m sorry,” he said for probably the millionth time in the past several months. All he wanted to do was go to a good culinary school and become a chef. He knew Adam was still mad at him and he had every right to be. If Hadi could take it all back he would but what was done was done and now he had to live with the guilt that he’d ruined his cousin’s life. Turned him into a criminal. Along with the reoccurring nightmare that he actually killed someone in the first place. Every time he thought about it he wanted to be sick. “Who’s Cian, again?” Hadi grimaced and looked down at his food, then back up again. “You eat, I’ll have some in a little bit. I ate a late lunch at work,” he was lying but he also didn’t want to say he was nauseated at knowing about Adam’s cleaning duties. Considering he was the one to cause them. “Tell me what you think.” 

•

Adam isn’t happy about the situation he’s in, but he’s made peace with it. As much as anyone can or should. Family has always been the most important and that hasn’t changed, even if family is what’s gotten him in this position to start. “Did you know if you say a word enough, it loses its meaning?” he chides softly, waving a hand at his cousin’s apology. “And I’ve already accepted your apology.” He takes a bite of the pasta then, hoping that’ll be the end of that discussion and his eyes widen with appreciation.

“C’mon, eat. This is incredible, Hadi.” He might’ve told him off for insisting on cooking but it’s better than the frozen meal he’d have otherwise popped in the microwave. Some topics can’t be escaped, though, and he sighs, reaching for his water. “Cian Kelly. Underboss. Second in command. Keeps tabs on things when Quinlan can’t.” Adam had quickly made a point of knowing who was who the moment his world turned upside down. Better to know who not to trust right off the bat. Turns out it was most people. “You need to stop worrying about me, I can tell you’re doing it even now,” he says knowingly, gesturing his fork at his cousin. “I can handle myself. Okay?” Adam’s certain his words are falling on deaf ears but he tries nonetheless.

★・・・・・・★

                          There was a time that Kenzie didn’t give a fuck about anything but that changed when she held her son in her arms for the first time. She still maintained a level of relaxed parenting, you could never be too overbearing if you were raising a kid in the Vaisman household. So, when Kenzie noticed Koda wasn’t by her side, she figured he’d be a few paces ahead at the next stall. He wasn’t. Okay, don’t lose your cool. The Anderson and Vaisman genes didn’t mix too good, that kid was always going to do exactly what he wanted. Next stall. Nothing. Soon the worry changed to panic and Kenzie was living a mother’s worst nightmare, only to look stupid by the time she actually saw Koda, chilling with a juice box like it was nothing. “What did I tell you about running off like that!?” she scolded him, crouching to his level as he came running towards her. “People are weird, little dude. You said thanks for the juice box and for him not taking you away!?” Kenzie glanced up then, feeling her words warble. Great so Adam now saw she was a mom, saw her panicked tears, saw her at the club and saw her tits too. This was going fucking amazing. “Koda do you know how lucky you are that I know this guy!?” She was too busy in mom mode to do much else before she looked at Adam again with a nervous smile. “Did he say thanks?” she then stood up, keeping a tighter grip on her child which was slurping the juice box with a casual coolness. “Lemme…get you back for the damn juice box. Thank you, Adam.”

•

Adam isn’t sure what to make of the little guy barreling into Kenzie. At first, he thinks she’s just some random person. Then, he realizes that it is, in fact, Kenzie hugging the boy. And finally, it clicks, the way she speaks to him, the tears on her face…oh. Right. Cool. He’s more surprised than anything but does his best to school his face into a neutral expression, so he doesn’t look shocked. Of course Kenzie’s lived a life for…sixteen years now? So has he. Though he doesn’t have a kid but that’s not…that’s not the point. He waves off her questions with an awkward laugh and stuffs his hands into the pockets of his Patagonia. “Yeah, he’s alright. Funny kid but uh,” lowering his voice to a dramatic whisper so her son can still hear, “he keeps saying his name is Captain Underpants?” Adam says and hears him giggle while slurping away. 

“It’s fine, Kenzie. Really. Glad I ran into him. Literally. Sorry…he got some dirt on his jacket.” He’d not been expecting a small human to be right by his legs as he turned from a stall, effectively knocking him over. Which is part of the reason he felt responsible for finding his parents…or mom as it now stands. “You okay?” He unconsciously reaches to squeeze her shoulder (turns out years long habits die hard) before realizing what he’s doing and awkwardly retracting his hand again before he can make contact. “I just mean, uh, here.” Adam proffers a crumpled up napkin he’d grabbed earlier and gives a sheepish smile. “Not used, I promise,” he jokes lightly.

Trust doesn’t come easily or cheaply to any of the Kelly’s or even their associates. They all exist in an acidic underbelly where anyone can drive a knife in their back while shaking their hand. That’s why Cian wanted to keep a close eye on Adam, a new cleaner that had all the skills but was lacking the usual grit Cian enjoyed seeing in others. It raised warnings, if he was here against his will because those were the ones who always ended up causing problems. Cian hoped to get him on side properly, extending his company to his clean ups in hopes of forging some kind of professional rapport. “Well, this one got a little messy. Fuck knows what happened.” Cian pre-warned him as he showed the way, opening a door onto a bloody scene. “We were hoping to say suicide but…now our fella is missing a finger so…” Cian laughed as if it wasn’t somebody’s life they were talking about. The body slumped face down in it’s own sea of red. “You know how all this works by now, don’t you? We prefer it to look like death by own hands but sometimes…intruder has to do it.” he narrowed his gaze slightly as if he was trying to read Adam’s thoughts. “You can make it look like that? You know, the glass looking like it wasn’t put through on the inside and all that shit.” he laughed again. “I watch those shows when I can’t sleep.” They were relaxing.

•

Motivation is no longer a factor in Adam’s employment. Survival is paramount. Keeping his head clear and his hands clean despite the situation he’s in. He’s not naive enough to think there’s an easy way out of this so he keeps his head down for now, following orders like a loyal soldier. He knows not to give them any more ammunition than they already have against him and his cousin. As Cian speaks, Adam braces himself for the scene. He’s used to seeing crime and death up close, but there’s a difference between unsolved crime scenes and ones where he knew the killer. Nodding, he slings off one strap of his back and peers closer, crouching beside the body as light eyes take in the damage. 

★・・・・・・★

                          She could never tell if his niceness annoyed her or frustrated her. She was so used to explosive arguments for no reason where every comment was twisted into an insult that she forgot how relaxed Adam was. She’d almost forgotten the calm side of herself that he could bring forth too, a side that pretty much vanished when he left. “Yeah…it is great. Thanks…” she nodded softly, humbled by his response which made her question why she was ready for some snarky back and forth. This was Adam, for fucks sake. “Well, we’ve always been like sisters just without the fighting so it’s good. We laugh more than we work, to be honest.” Kenzie answered with a laugh, relaxing into the conversation which at the same time made her on edge. What a weird mix to navigate, all while ensuring her bare chest was covered. Even when she said she didn’t need to explain herself, Kenzie’s hackles didn’t raise like it normally would with somebody else. She nodded again, wondering if Adam had always been the calming force in her life and if that was what she had always been missing. “Er…yeah. I just…didn’t want you to think…you know. There’s a lot of stereotypes and it’s like…not true.” Shut the fuck up Mackenzie. 

Even though she had never met his work mates, she was staring at them from the bar and then realized that if they saw her they’d probably have a lot of questions. Why was Adam talking to a dancer that was covering herself? Was she making it weirder with her hands over her body? Kenzie glanced back at Adam and then to the work friends, back and forth again before she just dropped her arms to her side. She didn’t say anything, deciding to not draw any attention to it because maybe he wouldn’t notice. Since he obviously thought she was fucking hideous anyways, staring at the bottles behind the bar like they were made of gold. At least he wouldn’t get insulted at work for being so bad at picking up women he made a dancer want to get dressed around him. Not on her watch. 

The sudden vulnerability didn’t help the previously relaxed mood she was easing into and she nodded more abruptly. “Yeah well, they were weirdos.” she somewhat snapped, flippant and quick. Adam saying he wanted to leave made her nod even faster, shifting around awkwardly and wanting to cover her chest again. “Sure, yeah. Sounds good…we can…” Their words overlapped and she had no idea what she was even trying to say. “Well not do this again but…” Do what? Talk? “Er…see you around.” 

•

There’s too much left unsaid. That’s how it was when he left and, it seems, not much has changed. He nods along to the mention of May and her working together and does his best not to blanche when she drops her arms. Not because there’s anything wrong with the way she looks (really, the opposite is true), but because he doesn’t want to be seen staring. The irony is that they’d been in more compromising positions before, even if they didn’t feel compromising at the time. If he’d known then what he knows now – how one night could fracture them beyond repair, he wouldn’t have ever crossed that line. “That’s....that’s good, Kenzie. Glad you’re doing something you like.” It seems more succinct than asking how long she’s been doing it for and if she’s got a lot of clients and what her favorite style to tattoo is. There’s no ground for him to stand on in that regard.

“I don’t....I’m not judging you...” he mumbles, hands stuffed in his pockets now as he continues doing his best to avoid her chest. “I just....yeah. That.” Saying goodbye. He wants to talk more but he doesn’t know what he’d say, and if there’s a point so instead he nods, clearing his throat as he speaks. “I’ll just ––” he points towards the exit, already backing away. “I’ll see you...” Adam says before turning on his heels and ambling towards the door, ignoring everyone and everything apart from that brief two-minute conversation which he suspects will play on repeat in his head for the next few weeks.

It’s late when Adam parks, checking his messages to reconfirm the address he’d been sent. The moment the text had come through, he’d known this was going to be a long night. It doesn’t matter that he’d been getting ready to crawl into bed, you don’t keep a man like Cian Kelly waiting. Adam puts on stoic face, all business, and gets his pack together, a go-bag of supplies expressly for the purpose of doing his new job. Reluctant or not, Adam is nothing short of thorough and the situation doesn’t change that. 

Baseball cap pulled down low over his head, sweatshirt hood pulled up, the CSI slings his pack over his shoulder and makes his way to the back door of the looming building. It’s not the first time he’s encountered Cian at the scene of a crime, but given the hour, he’d expected the underboss to send someone in his stead. But there he is, as imposing as ever as Adam approaches. “What’s the damage?” He asks, waiting for Cian to lead the way, rather than waste time on pleasantries. He knows he’s a means to an end, another tool in their array of useful people, so he’s just there to do his job and leave and hazards a guess (hope) that Cian is of the same accord.   @cian-kelly​

                         “Okay…good.” Kenzie shuffled awkwardly, wondering what she could do with her hands. She was stuck now so could only gesture when she spoke using a flap of her elbows. “Because I still do art!” she didn’t mean to yell but it blurted out before she could volume control her tone, shutting her mouth quickly after and…flapping her elbows again. “At the studio…May has it now. I’m tattooing for real not like.. at house parties.” Why she wanted to justify that to Adam she had no idea, because there was a lot more that needed to be said first. An apology maybe? Maybe a normal catch up conversation instead of being topless in front of him? That would have been nice. “And I don’t do extras.” Kenzie stated, in case that thought crossed his mind. “Just dance.” 

Kenzie nodded, feeling the same protective streak she did over him back in high school. She was the loud mouth who shoved people into lockers when they even tried to give Adam a hard time, and it felt almost natural to fall back into that. “Assholes.” she frowned, glaring at them from afar. She didn’t break the stare until she heard Adam mention his own capabilities and she looked up at him with a sheepish grin. This would be where she made a joke, or challenged to see it with her own eyes but the way he had changed since all that time ago, she actually believed it now. “I mean, you never really had problems with it. A whole bunch of girls told me you were cute when we were like fourteen.” she admitted, shrugging it off as she laughed. Kenzie almost forgot her hand placement and then squeezed her arms tighter. “They thought I was your keeper or something.” Kenzie added, aware that they had glued themselves together when they were younger.

•

Adam blinks at her sudden exclamation and can’t help his amused smile. “Oh yeah? That’s great, Kenzie...” She’d always been good at it too. He can easily recall her customizing her notebooks and, when she ran out of “canvas”, moving on to his. He’d never minded, of course, because she’d been talented for a long time. And even if she hadn’t been, Adam still thinks he’d have let her draw all over his notebooks. "Destination Ink, right?  I didn’t realize she owned it...is it easy working with family?” He’d known her family quite well growing up but all ties were essentially severed when she deemed their friendship done and over with. Adam clears his throat, nodding, “I didn’t...think – you don’t have to uh...explain yourself to me...” Because he’s not judging her but he’s not sure how to say that without sounding like he was doing exactly just that.

He hazards a small laugh at her mumblings. “They’re alright most of the time.” He’d only joined a few months back but it feels like it’s been much longer with everything that’s happened. Truthfully, Adam hadn’t been as intentional about spending time with his colleagues until a few months ago when everything changed. He’s smart enough to know that he needs to built a rapport with them, if only to protect himself in the long run with everything going on. 

                          Kenzie wasn’t sure what she was more embarrassed about. Running nipple first into her old best friend or the fact that while his life carried on a greater path, hers has been a series of cycles and re-starts. There’s no shame in what she does but there is a sense that she should have been somewhere else, hence why she lives on little sleep between the club and the tattoo studio. Art was always the dream. Kenzie scoffed at his empowerment comment, still covering herself from his gaze. “I’m not ashamed.” she said belligerently, also a part of her wondering why Adam wanted to look away that quickly. She wasn’t ugly, was she? “It pays the bills and…more.” she added trying to justify it even though she didn’t need to. 

While Adam weaved in and out of making any sense, Kenzie stared up at him nodding along and quirking her brows as she tried to follow. This was definitely worse than meeting again at a vending machine in the building they spent so much time together in. She honestly thought nothing could top that but forgot entirely that she could ever see him while she was at work. As soon as he mentioned the co-workers, Kenzie’s gaze averted through the crowd. It seemed to track, it was always men with good jobs that usually avoided going home and spent their hard earned money in clubs for whatever reason. “Right…” she sighed, squeezing her arms to her chest tighter and then looking back at him, all while trying to lean against the bar as casually as possible. “And these co-workers…they assholes?” she asked, obvious she was thinking and marinating up some kind of plan. “I mean like assholes to you?” Kenzie knew she didn’t make much sense before she scoffed at herself. “Do I need to get girls over here and all over you so they think you’re the man? Because I can.”

•

Adam holds up his hands at her words, shaking his head vehemently. “I’m not – you shouldn’t be ashamed,” he agrees before realizing that sounds like he’s telling her not to be...when she’s just said she’s not. “I mean. That’s good. I’m uh...glad you’re not. A job is a job...” Even if he’s never regretted running into someone at their job more than he does right now. “Good. I’m...that’s good.” He all but stammers and fuck...this isn’t going so well is it? Adam scratches the back of his neck, nervous tick coming out in full force as he tries to meet her gaze without his own slipping too far down. Sure, he’d seen it all before but that was different and years ago and it hadn’t ended so well for him back then either, had it? 

                            It was peculiar, staring back into the same pair of eyes that she had told many secrets to. And now Kenzie couldn’t figure out how to tell him anything about her life since he left. How she could never quite replicate how things felt when they were together…but not together. Although, hindsight begged to differ. No wonder why her mom always wanted her bedroom door open when Adam came over, it was pretty obvious to everybody that there were sparks. Were. They just burned out into nothing. “I can’t even comment, I er…I got out of Lockwood a few years ago but it pulls everyone back, I think.” she laughed awkwardly. Did she mention Koda? No, that was weird. Why did it matter anyways? “I work with May now at the tattoo studio, so if you want to look badass for once in your life, hit me up.” she had no idea why those words fell from her mouth with a laugh, it was a force of habit but she wrinkled her nose again. “Actually, don’t. I’m still…an apprentice so.”

Kenzie gave a little toast with the chocolate bar, and used her other hand to tap her head. “Touch wood. I’m sure she’ll give the Devil a bunch of hard work too.” she laughed affectionately but Adam’s explanation took the air right out of her lungs. “Wow…Jesus, I mean…holy shit, you did it.” she laughed again, eyes brightening with a million memories of their TV show binges. She wasn’t surprised, truthfully. She was proud though, but Adam always gave the impression he could do anything he stuck his mind to. And there she was, still floating through life trying to figure herself out and taking steps backwards more than forwards. “Well, if anyone was gonna be a freak out of us two it was always gonna be you.” she grinned. “How’s it feel? Looking at…real bodies and shit instead of on a screen?”

•

Adam wonders a lot about the past. He’s never been quite certain he’d done the right thing. He’s never been sure that Kenzie wasn’t right in casting the blame on him. He’d hurt her and he’d never really gotten a chance to apologize because she’d burned every bridge they’d ever had. And now they’re back where it all started, in school, standing awkwardly opposite each other like strangers...and not at all like strangers. Because he recognizes the way she waves her hand about as she talks, the way she laughs to ease away the uncomfortable thickness in the air between them. He feels it too. The distance between someone you knew and someone you don’t. How can they be the same person? How can...it’s no use thinking that. He tells himself again and again and reminds himself of it now, nodding at the mention of her coming back. 

“Oh really? Uh...where’d you end up? I mean, if you don’t mind me asking...” Because they weren’t best friends anymore, with not a secret between them. They were just two people who’d existed together at some point in time, before the universe tugged them in opposite directions, a thin thread that never had a chance at surviving the ocean that would soon linger between them. “That’s great...May was always good at art, right? I think I’m good for now anyway...can’t ruin my pristine image.” He jokes, despite having accumulated several tattoos over the years... He grins at the mention of her grandmother, though, always having an affinity for her warmth and kindness. You’d be hard pressed to find anyone who didn’t love Shira. 

“Yeah I guess I did,” Adam replies, rubbing the back of his neck a bit embarrassed. “Guess something things don’t change, eh? Turns out weird is a lifelong ailment,” he jokes before stuffing the packet of peanuts into his jacket pocket and tucking his hands in them too, so his arms weren’t just dangling at his sides idle and uncertain of what to do. “I mean...I’m not a mortician, Kenzie,” a chuckle escapes, “it’s not always bodies though...you’re right...a lot of times it is,” he corrects halfway through his sentence, a smile spreading across his lips. “But yeah, doing the work is cool and a lot more complicated than the TV gives it credit for. It’s been good though, I was in Denver for a bit too.” 

                              Was it good to see him again? Kenzie couldn’t work it out. Or work out how she was supposed to work it out either. He’d hurt her but now, with her maturity, she can see how she caused the end of that friendship. She blew it up into both of their faces, and didn’t leave any room for it’s recovery. “Yeah, for sure. Definitely.” Kenzie nodded along, as the laughter subsided from her chest and became hollow little bouts of breath. She didn’t feel as if she had changed. If anything, Kenzie was certain she had taken several steps backwards in her life. 

The awkwardness was setting in, with a million things that could be said causing it. “Ha, thanks. You too.” she waved the chocolate bar a little, scrunching her features like she’d just told a server to enjoy their meal. “Er…yeah. I think. I’m not even sure, actually. Probably. But, Lockwood is a little behind the times.” this was getting stranger and Kenzie made a small hop further along the hallway. She didn’t want to leave, but surely this was only going to get worse. “She’s good. Her hips have been better, but you know Shira. She’ll never admit that. She’ll probably be super happy you’re back, actually.” she answered quickly. “I mean, if you are back. Is it like a vacation or visit or something?”

•

It’s not that Adam doesn’t want to see Kenzie. In fact, if he’s being honest, he’s happy to see her. She looks well and, well, that’s all he could want for his ex...best friend? ex...almost? ex...I fucked up, didn’t I? But standing there, awkwardness hanging over them like a raincloud, Adam can’t help but feel oddly out of place. Like he’s fourteen again and a bean poll next her. “Yeah...uh...not much has changed I guess. Wasn’t expecting to come back here,” he nods around them, at the high school, “ever really.” Adam chuckles haphazardly, shrugging as he casts his blue-eyed gaze back at the package of peanuts in hand. “Don’t think Edison is much of the reunion type of school.” And, if it was, he wouldn’t know. He’d left before they graduated. 

“Ha, yeah, Shira will probably outlive us all, let’s be honest.” Kenzie’s grandma hadn’t slowed down when Adam knew her, so he’s glad to hear that hasn’t changed. At her question, he glances back up at her, nodding. “Not a vacation. I only just moved back a few months ago...I’m uh...csi with the sheriff’s department.” Adam explains, a bit sheepish as he admits that he’s actually done the thing he’d wanted to do when they were kids. All those hours spent watching NCIS had actually paid off.