I will lose her.
Then again, I am angry at my mother for not having me earlier. 32 is late, most people say, it might not be true today but it would have added a good ten years of us being together, of me not hurting, if she decided at 22 to have me. But then again, would it have been me? And what would I have destroyed by that selfish wish, what years would I have made into pain for her, and for what? I don't see my mom most of the year, we spend the holidays and vacations together. And everytime its hard to stay in the moment, knowing it will become a memory.
But then again, its after 9 pm, and I shouldn't listen to the sad poets in my head at that time. They're trying to create nostalgia out of things I still get to enjoy. Sometimes time barely passes, sometimes it flies.
