youre my inspiration

“no feelings,” he says as he wraps both of his arms around my waist, pulling me into his chest.

I didn't want a relationship and neither did he. I wasn't ready and neither was he. We just wanted to be carefree and have fun. But he started to make me laugh with stupid jokes. He started to show me his drawings and their stories. He started to talk about all his hopes and dreams. And one night as I laid in his arms, he kissed me so tenderly... I knew I was doomed. Those 3 words never came out but I knew I had fallen for him hard. And from the way he looked at me, I knew he still loved her.

You always were one of those dreams that are richly colored and extraordinarily vivid the first second after waking up; but gone completely once one tries to remember a detail.

But you loved her? Yes. And she loved you? Yes. Then why did it end? Because love and compatibility are not always the same thing.

I stopped chasing you. I was there all along at your back, guiding you, caring for you, waiting for you to turn your back on me and run towards me to hug me, but you didn’t. I got tired of chasing someone who doesn’t want to be chased. I got tired of chasing someone who always running away from me. I lost all my hopes that i’ve been holding on. I lost one of the greatest battle that i’d love to fight for. I’m done trying and chasing you. I realized that it’s not me that you want, you’re always looking in front of you and didn’t give me the chance to prove myself to you. I guess i need to stop here, i’m turning my back now to the opposite of your road. This is me giving up on you.. some things needs to give up to lessen the pain and just be happy.

and for a second, i could’ve sworn you loved me back.

My problem,” she says, “is that it takes me so long to open up and trust that people always assume I’m not interested. “And it takes so much for me to fall in love that by the time I start feeling something, they’ve already moved on.”

You left me with handfuls of memories and a shitty ‘goodbye.’

And I am afraid that in a few years, I will have forgotten the pain you made me feel or the way your eyes could set my insides on fire and I will meet you on the street or in a supermarket, both of us living new lives without the other, and you will smile at me, mumbling a quick ‘hey’ and then raise a hand to wave goodbye and the second you turn your back on me, again, the safe ground I have found will disappear and I will fall back into that dark corner of my mind where I am still in love with you, still remembering every small act of affection you ever granted me, hopelessly begging you to love me.

i didn’t miss you because i was drunk, i got drunk because i missed you.

“Why people can’t get over with an ‘almost’?” “It’s like holding something that you let someone steal it and you can’t do anything about it. They’re almost there. They almost made it. But then again something came up and they have to let each other go. And sometimes, they still want to conitnue, they still want to stay, but they have to face the fact that what they had will only end with the word almost. Everything feels so real and it hurts that ‘almost’ is the only word they can whisper once someone ask them 'what happened?’ And they’ll always think of 'what if’s’ and 'what could’ve been’s’.” Almost is the saddest word i’ve ever heard from someone who wants to have someone who will never give up on them.

I believe there are different kinds of heartbreak. There’s the ones where your mind feels more like a blank canvas, your insides feel heavy and all you want to do is to lay your head face down on the table and not think at all. They say this pain should make for great poetry but you struggle to string together a coherent sentence. It’s the kind where every sad and slow song resonates deep within your being, filling the air with words you can’t get out. On the surface, it’s like you’re numb and emotionless but inside, there’s a silent lump in your throat and a sad feeling wallowing in your stomach. - Then there’s the kind that leaves you screaming inside and every inch of your body aches  You can feel your lungs give out when you’re staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night, As your body starts to convulse with broken sobs, And the hot tears cascading down your skin are comforting, as though they are the only source of warmth reminding you you’re alive. This kind of heartbreak, it’s not just sadness, it’s a mix of frustration and hopelessness and anger. It’s like a boat stranded on a stormy sea, turbulent waves heartless and relentless, the wind tearing through. - I can’t tell which is worse. But I know for sure, both awaken the worst kind of loneliness.