Zak this is so so so deeply random but I have no one to talk to rn so bear with me..
I have a first date tomorrow with a guy I've met on tinder (yeah.) and I'm not even that excited or like expecting anything from it, but he's very nice and considerate and I lowkey suck at dating. also I'm scared of my own feelings so I tend to reject every attempt at romance ever.
How tf do I wanna be in love but I get nauseous when it comes to actually dating irl? I don't want to keep trying and wasting time and feeling awful. I just want it to work and to idk feel good? Feel in love...
Do u have like any advice?
💔💔💔😭😭
eyyo!! im actually really happy to answer this ask because im in a similar situation (I CANT SHARE DETAILS HERE THOUGH BECAUSE THEY MAY OR MAY NOT BE ONLINE AND SEE IT AND REALIZE IT'S ABOUT THEM HAHAAH) but the difference between you and i is that i feel like im super excited for my thing (literally been talking about it to anybody who will listen HAHAHA) meanwhile you seem very.... hesitant about your thing :(
i feel like with dating, if you do choose to date, theres a balance you have to strike between taking calculated leaps of faith and trusting your gut. what i mean by this is that, if you want to build a romantic connection with people, you do have to Get Out There (TM) and get to know people because otherwise you'll never know! but at the same time, you have to trust your feelings in that if you arent Feeling The Spark, it's time to move on and look elsewhere.
i was on bumble (thats the popular dating app here in the philippines) for arouuunnddd a month, back in may. and i had a LOT of complaints LMAO if you search for my personal posts back in may i was complaining so much about mid profiles and beach pics HAHAHAHA. i was also ghosted. a lot. but several matches. KJBAKLJFSAKJBF which i dont take personally!! because everybody is going on their own Journey, everybody is looking for someone theyll Click With you know.
and i think thats really key to understand. youre searching for someone. for certain types of someones that align with who you are as a person. and searching takes time. i say this with all the love in my heart, but you cant expect things to work out and feel good immediately or all the time. it's, unfortunately, trial and error. you only figure out when you vibing with someone after youve had conversations with them or after youve met up with them to check for chemistry and whatnot etc etc etc.
this is my personal philosophy: love is not found. it's built. it's built from conversations, interactions, and experiences.
but before you can build anything, you have to get to know the metaphorical area and see if it fits you.
"I don't want to keep trying and wasting time and feeling awful." sad to say this but trying is all we've got!! and dont think of it as "wasting time" because for every person you come across who you dont vibe with, you learn a little bit more about yourself, what you want, what you value in a relationship, what you yearn for, what makes human connections special for you. as for the feeling awful... i fear this is kinda inevitable HAHA i felt awful every time someone ghosted me on bumble but! again. i didnt take it personally. rejection sucks ass but i wasnt what they were looking for and that is Okay.
so i guess my overall advice is: really take a moment to discern whether you want to start dating or not. because it's not easy! it won't always work out! there will be a lot of things that dont go anywhere! but if you really are ready for this undertaking, then you have to be open to meeting new people and getting to know them.
as we're both tot fans haha, i know the version of love that tot posits to us is very romantic and idyllic. and stuff like that can still happen in real life!! but it's not as common. what's more common is the messy but human practice of searching for someone, building with that someone, and seeing where things go.
you dont find love. you make it.
i hope something in here is helpful ;w;
