I have lived in Korea for 14 years now, which is more than a quarter of my life. In some ways it feels like home of course, but the older I get, the more I realize I am too stuck in the ways of my original culture to fit into society here, no matter how long I stay. Some of that is no doubt driven by the knowlege that Korean society will never see me as Korean no matter how much effort I put in, but not all. As I got older (and deafer), I seem to have given up trying. Fitting into another culture requires flexibility and I am, seemingly, inceasingly unwilling/unable in that respect. I also looked at the particular social hierarchies inherent in Korean society and decided I wasn't interested. Which makes life easier in some ways (white, English speaking privilege) and if course much harder in others.
(But this isn't just about Korea. I have thought about moving back to 'where I came from' and wonder how I would fit in there after 20 years in East Asia. Answer: language wise fine, culture wise who knows? Cultures don't sit still. And stupid little things I get annoyed about here (phone zombies, smoking in public places) exist everywhere. I am just a curmudgeonly old git.)
When I first got here I went out of my way to speak Korean even when I could have spoken English, and for years now it has been the opposite. I speak English with the Ajeosshi still, speak English at work, and find social groups that operate in English. I never watch tv (English or Korean).
As a result, my Korean speaking and listening skills are way worse than they were a decade ago, which definitely does nothing for my social integration. Somehow, I have ended up in a state in which I know the Korean words for dragonfly, pillbug/woodlouse, cockroach, silver birch, zelkova, woodpecker, magnolia, peony, anticoagulant, colonoscopy, menopause, seizure, myocardial infarction, hypothyroidism, tumour, polyp, sustainable development, geopark, and intangible cultural heritage. But I can't hold a simple conversation with the guy trying to deliver something to my house.
