to anyone who follows me or not, im begging you to look through my account, and to donate to any campaign you can that i have reposted on my blog. if you cant donate i want you to reblog all of the posts i've reblogged. i dont mind being spammed if you have to reblog 100 posts then do it. if you follow me or not, if you're stalking me, i dont care, i want you to. cause other than creating irl posters to put up i can't do anything else. people's connection to others outside of palestine are these people's entire lifelines, they are relying on the people reading these posts, whether you can donate or not, and you have a choice to potentially spread them to places where these posts can be donated. sorry that im rambling idk if what im saying is coherent, but all i'm saying is that, and this isnt directed at anyone specifically, if you see these posts on your feed, REPOST THEM AND DONATE!! if you're going to my page individually, go through my feed and REPOST ALL OF THESE POSTS THAT INCLUDE LINKS TO THESE PALESTINIAN FAMILIES GOFUNDME's!!! i rarely ever have people repost these off of my page and im not sure why. ive only had like maybe 2 out of all my followers do it. PLEASE, im begging you please do it

this cannot be my fate

God why did my life have to turn out this way :D lol

i wish that my knowledge of anhedonia wasnt so vast because i honestly feel like its making it worse and its wound up in me developing a lot of OCD compulsions towards it and i just feel sick. i feel unfeeling. i feel ike i cant ruminate on anything but my anhedonia itself. im losing my apetite. food has stopped seeming interesting to me. hopefully it dosnt last forever but for the first time last night i tried to masturbate after acouple days because my sexual libido has been nonexistent for 3 weeks and for the first tim ei couldnt feel my orgasm. i m just so fucking scared of how this is all unwraveling. the only thing i can have hope in anymore is God. im scared meds will make it worse. there are barely any types of therpies geared this specifically. the only thing im countnig on is maybe EMDR to help me process the trauma that ended up making me become anhedonic in the first place. just trying to do more boring tasks and less dopamine indicuign tasks like being on my phone or "enjoyable" stuff (like basically ttrying to do a dopamine detox). im scared my brain is destroying itself. i catn stop ruminating on the idea that it will only go downhill from here. and worst of all isthat im paranoid that writing all of this physically is only manifesting it into happening. i feel fucjing doomed only God can save me at this point. and this isnt even rock bottom

tyler josephs old music when he was like in high school (aka no phun intended) is like if nujabes, alex g, and drew monson had a love child xD

i would give anything for something to mean something to me

i would rather go through my anorexia recovery 10x than develop anhedonia