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@abitsleepy

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I chose comfort over betting on myself.
âIâm a failureâ is the first thing he says to us. âAn absolute failure.â Itâs dramatic, sure, but it gets me to stop scrolling, which is more than I can say of any of my other teachersâall of them trying to force a rapport... as if the approval of a few hormonal Gen Z-ers means theyâre still relevant. Still in the game. Still a worthwhile human being. âThis was not my dream,â Mr. Korgy says as he paces up and down the rows, his loafers hitting the floor in a smooth, rhythmic beat. âI wanted to be a writer. A novelist. But I couldnât handle the lack of security required to be one. I couldnât tolerate the fluctuating, inconsequential strings of income. The consistent rejection. The scrutiny of my parentsâ friends. Howâs that novel cominâ, champ? The uncertainty. I chose being able to afford takeout from the Thai place on the corner over roughing it, living off of ramen noodles. I chose going to the game with the guys over submitting my short stories to publications. I chose catching up on my favorite TV show over finishing a draft. I chose comfort over betting on myself.â ⌠Itâs not about him being a failure... Itâs about him being able to call himself one. Him being able to be honest about his regrets, his status, his shortcomings. Not mask them the way everyone else does, pretending to be fulfilled by their nine-to-five and their once-a-year vacation to wherever had a discount on Kayak. By the pride of paying their taxes on time or always having a sheet of stamps in a âjust in caseâ drawer next to a tube of Neosporin and an extra phone charger. This is someone who has faced, head-on, the disappointing reality of where their life landed, and is willing to be direct and vulnerable about it.
â Jennette McCurdy, Half His Age: A Novel (Ballantine Books, January 20, 2026)
"The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them. How much sorrow can I hold? Thatâs how much gratitude I can give. If I carry only grief, Iâll bend toward cynicism and despair. If I have only gratitude, Iâll become saccharine and wonât develop much compassion for other peopleâs suffering. Grief keeps the heart fluid and soft, which helps make compassion possible."
Francis Weller from his potent book, "The Wild Edge of Sorrow-Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief."
But maybe itâs best to leave some things un-understood
If I could understand myself better, Iâd probably understand a lot more about the world and certainly about my country, in which so many people seem to revere their persecutors and appear grateful to be subjugated and told what to do, what to wear, what to eat, and how to think. There is something knotty here, something puzzling about the human condition in all of this. But maybe itâs best to leave some things un-understood, mysterious. Iâm all for the unclimbed mountain. The unconquered moon. Iâm weary of endless theories and explanations. I think I have begun to prefer descriptions.
â Arundhati Roy, "Mother Mary Comes to Me" (Scribner, September 2, 2025)
HÊlène Cixous, from her book titled The Book of Promethea, originally published in 1983

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Simone de Beauvoir, from a diary entry featured in Diary of a Philosophy Student
Entering the Kingdom by Mary Oliver
everything you do can be an exercise in meeting yourself. Swimming eating hiking going to an art gallery. Everything is traveling and everything is meeting yourself and there is delight and deep joy in that even through pain
how alone I was among these people,
July 18, 1903 Rilke and Andreas-SalomĂŠ: a love story in letters (1897-1926)
donât forget to live for the hope of it all this month

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Joanna Klink, from "Wonder of Birdsâ, Raptus
"'I have led a toothless life,' he thought. 'A toothless life. I have never bitten into anything. I was waiting. I was reserving myself for later on--and I have just noticed that my teeth have gone. What's to be done?'"
-Jean-Paul Sartre, The Age of Reason (1945)
Do you ever worry about projecting too much in original projects and your audience catching on that this may not be about the fictional character youâve created for a piece of work, but you instead?
Like a âdamn bitch, you live like this?â moment, when you thought you were simply including a few, minor reflections and/or traits that wouldnât draw back to you completely.
Cause this is what I dread 24/7 đŠ
im very pro making work that is bordering on overly personal, a lot of my favorite artists (writers like Miranda July, Shelia Hedi and Chris Kraus are great examples) do it and i respect them a shit ton for it. and because of my weird insistence on it - to the point that i will literally copy and paste excerpts from my journal to use as dialog or scenes, or design characters that look and act so much like me and people i know that people think it's purely autobiographic - i'm very aware of how easy it would be to draw back themes and traits to me, which i dont much mind because
1. i cant really control how people interpreting my work interpret me as a person and i much dont care to, and
2. i make work for the purpose of communicating something in me i want to get out and tell other people, and no matter what, even if i coated it in layers of obfuscation that keep it as seperate from me as possible, the work will always be personal so might as well indulge

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One day youâll have whatever it is youâre now so confusedly seeking. That kind of calm that comes from knowing oneself and others. But you canât rush the arrival of that state of mind. There are things you only learn when no one teaches them. And thatâs how it is with life. Thereâs even more beauty in discovering it for yourself, in spite of the suffering.
Clarice Lispector, from "Gertrudes Asks for Advice" in The Complete Stories
âWhat I like about photographs is that they capture a moment thatâs gone forever, impossible to reproduce.â
â Karl Lagerfeld