Queen of the Nerds

“Alcohol is fun and delicious.”

“If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party.”

“I have no idea what I’m doing but I know I’m doing it really, really well.”

“One time I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar. I thought it was terrible wine.”

“I’m not interested in caring about people.”

“At least I didn’t make any new friendships.”

“Turns out there wasn’t any pot in the brownie, it was just an insanely good brownie.”

“I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things.”

“I have to ask this, but how many legs did that dog have when you found him?“

“Calzones are pointless. They’re just pizza that’s harder to eat. No one likes them. Good day, sir.

“I love games that turn people against each other.”

“Treat. Yo. Self.”

“If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal ‘usted’.”

“I declare that everything you are saying is stupid.”

“My instinct is to be mean to you.”

“When people get chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I really don’t care about them.”

“The air is too fresh. It’s disgusting.”

“I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to.”

“Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat, and cats are useless.”

“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”

“Earlier I was licking icing off my finger and boom, I swallowed my wedding ring.”

“There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.”

“I love you and I like you.”

“I am NOT crying, okay?! I’m allergic to jerks!”

“I want to punch you in the face so bad right now.”

“I typed up your symptoms on this thing here and it says you may have network connectivity problems.”

“On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how pissed off are you?”

“I once threw a beer at a swan and then it attacked my niece.”

“This is the hardest I’ve ever worked on anything since… Wow - I’ve never worked hard on anything! What a cool life!”

“We have to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work. But work has to come third.”

“Slowing down is not really my jam.”

“I love this idea and I love me for thinking of it.”

“Take the easy way out. I always do! It’s easy!”

“Live your life how you want, but don’t confuse drama with happiness.”

A coy smile played along the brim of his lips as he reached for the copper door knob, and in one swift motion the door was open, just enough to let him peer outside while blocking the entrance to his apartment.

          “It’s the weirdest thing. I know I’ve been gone like a week and all, but I’m pretty sure my apartment didn’t look like it does now when I left. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you, sweetie?”

When he finally got back, he saw Penny playing with the dogs, which caused a genuine smile. Those dogs had a sense for people, and if they liked her, that was a very good sign. Not that Ace doubted that she was good news. 

“I see you’ve been havin’ fun without me,” he commented as he got out of the truck and started to unlatch the car. It took a few minutes to get it into his garage, but at last, it was in its spot, with the hook lifted as he looked in again. 

She glanced up when she heard the tow truck pulling back in, smiling widely at his comment. “They’re great company keepers,” she returned, gaze following his movements as he unlatched and moved things to where they needed to be. Seriously, he had the best arms. Best everything, actually, so whatever. Penny was happy as could be to just watch him and pet her furry friends. 

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