Blog for my Mental Health

Physical- I am feeling collected and satiated I started the day in a very scattered place and found unity from connection time and cooking! 

Mental- In the transition from narrow to broad prospective. I have come into a knowing that I wasn’t seeing a big trigger in myself about my health and wellness. I wasn’t aware of my overall state of being focused very too close to the present

Emotional- The storms feel calm. The waves in my pool are tiny ripple of the once tsunami of feeling. I feel content and clear. This state create optimal learning a growth atmosphere for Me!

Spiritual- New plan following the flow of my purpose, creating Visionary and Intentful Orientation inside of myself. This looks like responding more to the energy in the morning to find the flow for the day. Tapping in to my genius right out of the gate instead of forcing a routine or letting my mind seek out external pleasure sources. 

In this go around with my big f*cking sads and mads I really struggled with cooking myself food.  I can’t do takeout or other simple common fixes because of my lifestyle and diet. So I get creative, surviving on mainly chocolate, oatmilk chai, bananas, ice cream and cheese puffs. That isn’t sustainable long term for many reasons- nutrition and cost mainly. There is a process to starting to eat again after you go grave dancing and shadow walking.  

How to reintroduce yourself to cooking and eating-

 Step 1: Eat foods you can make with your electric kettle. This includes many delicious options like instant mashed potatoes, oatmeal, those amazing curry cup noodles or any cup noodles. Plus whatever fruit is on sale. Maybe grab some peas or spinach, you can put them in your cup noodles/mashed potatoes for extra nourishing yum. This step expands on the foods you have been consuming adding variety in texture, temperature and of course nutrition. While expanding your pallet you are only using 1 dish, a serving bowl! So easy no though clean up usually a rinse with hot water is all you need. I love using disposable chopsticks so I don’t have to wash utensils. 

Step 2: We graduated to pasta! We can boil pasta and have many meal options. To create your perfect easy pasta you pick options from 3 categories sauce, pasta, add ins!  Sauce’s: marinara, alfredo, pesto, broth! Pasta shapes: stars, angel hair, penne, honestly any pasta that you love the texture of will work Add Ins: greens of any kind, broccoli, peas, cheese- parm or whatever you like, proteins- meatless beef crumble or crumbled tofu, seitan, or white beans, cream/nondairy cream, basically anything that you like that can cook quickly in boiling water/ simmering sauce. Then you just go along a pick 1 sauce, 1 pasta shape, and as many add ins as you want. Examples of this might look like; marinara, kale, meatless beef crumble/ tofu crumble and spaghetti OR pesto, peas, and angel hair OR broth, stars, parm, spinach, cream and white beans Or alfredo, broccoli, seitan, and penne. You have so many options and can make this very affordable just by buying the same type of pasta, greens, and a few different sauces. You cook all in 1 pot + a strainer by boiling the pasta and adding any add ins that need serious cook time like kale, frozen veggies, broccoli. Straining all of that and setting it aside, try reserving a little pasta water by not rinsing or shaking your stariner.  Add your sauce to your hot pot plus any other add ins like beans, spinach, crumbles, seitan this will simmer very quickly. Add your ingredients from the strainer stir and simmer (avoid this simmer if using pesto) for a few moments then eat! You can eat this right out of the bowl you made it in because you made it for you! 

Step 3: Stir fry noodles. Simple ingredients so many options very fun! I use a ramen noodle packs and a combination of these things coleslaw mix, peppers, peas, frozen broccoli, kale, tofu, eggs. And a simple sauce you make by adding 3 pt soy sauce, 1/2 pt vinegar, and 1 pt sugar together mixing and adding more of whatever you like. You boil water in your kettle and make your noodles. Then you do your chops tofu, peppers, whatever you want like onions, garlic, ginger. Heat up a skillet or a griddle add your chopped stuff and other stuff like coleslaw mix or peas. You can add oil or water depends on how you are feeling oil makes the dish richer and more filling and water makes it like and easy to digest. Drain your noodles. Then you can take a break and sit down on your phone till you smell your pain cooking. By not stirring you allow the veg to develop color from long contact with the pan. Then put your noodles on dump on half of your sauce, wait for it to sizzle then incorporate it into your noodles and other stuff by stirring! add more sauce until your noodles are the darkness that you desire. turn off your heat dump the noodles and company in a bowl grab those disposable chop sticks (which are great for cooking with too) and go to town on your delish dinner! 

Physically- I am tired today was long and hard. Not in a physical way but an emotional way.

Mentally- I feel less burnt out now though since I cried a lot out about a big huge wound.

Emotionally- I feel as though I have been running from this wound forever and now I am ready to just surrender to it. Too tired to keep running, yet determined to sustain long enough to get gold.

Spiritually- Stronger than I did when I woke up. Sometimes leaning into the body, the cellular feeling of understanding is the strongest orientation tool.  

I was presented with a fork one that would alter the current course of my life. I had to stand tall and make a decision about who I am. What path I want to take be choice not circumstance, because awakening is a choice. This growth thing is exhausting. I have deep feelings in so many conflicting directions. Some of these feelings aren’t serving who I am becoming so I have to let them go. It’s hard to let go of anything even emotions that do not serve. I feel like it is a trauma response to not feel good about letting anything go. Isn’t that the reason we stay in abusive relationships. It is easier to patch our minds and souls to accept horrible treatment/ behaviors from ourselves or other’s instead of divorce our hearts from parts of its network. And let go we must because the path is long and will become impossible if we do not unburden ourselves from the dilemma’s of our shadows.

So here and now I chose to unburden myself of the dilemma’s of jealousy and agenda.

OK allll cured!!!! I will no longer self sabotage my important relationships!!! YAY!!!!! No... Right... Not how it works? Needs time, contemplation, and lived experiments? Got it; so I am going to be dancing this dance forever AND it will get easier AND it will never go away AND it will change and evolve just like Me! Ahhh it is enough to make my head spin; for me to start doubting why even play this game of growth. Then I remember that living unawake is not an option for me I’ve carried this energy here from the stars. I am just not too sure what I am supposed to be doing with it yet....