sparing the suspense

So I went to see Arcade Fire in Copenhagen. It was the highlight of my whole summer, maybe even the year so far. I was dreaming of seeing them live since the first time I saw them performing “Normal Person” on some huge South American festival. Arcade Fire was the soundtrack to last months, it was hope and excitement and the symbol of me getting healthier and happier. But at the end, it was a complete heart-breaking disaster, a lesson in how adults can be total fucking pricks. The band was perfect. The sound, the light show, the costumes, the performances. They were passionate, energetic and crazily good. But I failed to connect with them, I couldn’t happily dissolve in what was happening on stage, because I was majorly distracted by people around me. I was standing in the second row and the first row was occupied by middle-aged people well in their 50s who were piss drunk, behaving absolutely inadequately. I got to the stage 1,5 hour before the show and they all were already heavily intoxicated. They continued drinking and right before the show started, they got  more 2-litres beer jars. It was disgusting. They were all hardcore fans, knew all the lyrics and all. But they couldn’t move properly, they were just all over the place, spilling their fucking beer on everyone around and on themselves. I never wanted to punch anyone so much. I was suffocating with anger. If you obviously love the band, why do you have a need to get that drunk? I also didn’t change the place for some stupid reason, partly because I was hoping I would be able to focus on music and performance, partly cause it would be very difficult as there were a lot of people around me. I felt trapped and extremely frustrated. One sober grey-haired man next to me was in shock and disgust as well, and he left somewhere in the middle of the concert. I should have followed him. I really enjoyed only one song, one my most favourite, but apparently not that favoured by the old drunk farts, cause they stopped swinging and punching me for whole 4 minutes and I managed to really feel the music. It was sad. I got very sad. I cried for a good day. Both because of how fucked up my experience turned out to be and from my inability to create and sustain happiness for myself and my complete failure in moving on or refocusing to positive memories from that day and trip in general. The fact that there’s a tрree-day festival right now in Helsinki and my whole Instagram feed is there having a good time and my boyfriend got a free three-day ticket for working at a coffee joint in a festival area for a friend doesn’t help at all. I feel bitter, envy and sad and all this petty shit is crushing me down.