A Real Banana Train

My favorite pirate joke is “why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at c” not because it’s THAT funny but because it’s a relatively simple joke that nobody ive told it to has ever correctly guessed the punchline for because they all think it’s gonna be a joke about arrrr

Tried Wendys for the first time today.... treated like burger

*tasted

They did NOT put me on the grill

third base is sobbing in front of ur partner

that's what it is in baseball too

i want a soft connection. i want to be asked how my day went and if i need anything. i want forehead kisses. i want the back of my hand kissed at red lights. i want to be asked how i’m mentally feeling. i want to hold hands everywhere we go. i want romantic gestures. i want my hair played in at the most unexpected moments. i want silent eye connections that lead to smiles. i want to take random walks.

woah dude..... your hurt sound is vaguely sexual..... im trying to kill you but im. im getting a bit flustered

My morning routine? That's simple: first I wake up, then I get out of bed, then I experience various ailments, maladies, afflictions, etc.

I love the phrase gross misconduct. babygirl your behavior is yuckydisgusting

The Asperagus Industries rubber band game is on point

the writer’s urge to ask your friends “do you wanna see a little somethin’ i’ve been working on?” when the little somethin’ you’ve been working on is 800 words and ends in the middle of a sentence