aascrown

Do you ever eat popcorn out of the palm of your own hand with such ardent desperation that you feel like both a wild horse and the gentle schoolgirl feeding it treats to gain its affection 

this is the funniest thing i have ever read

hi margaret, i hope this email blows your tits clean off

if i ever give birth please dont tell me my baby looks just like me within the first 2 months cause i know that newborn look ugly as shit so unless you tryna square up dont speak

i never know when the superbowl is i just feel like whenever i least expect it to be thats when it is

boss dropped out of the zoom meeting cause his cat has learned how to unplug the desktop computer when he’s hungry

Direct action.

A mom from a one direction fanfic wrote this

I hate tumblr moisturization culture

I hate dusty culture yall suckin up the moisture of our air by osmosis yall killin the trees

I’m real? I’m gotdamn alive?