Henri de Tolouse-Lautrec: At the Moulin Rouge, 1892-95

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Henri de Tolouse-Lautrec: At the Moulin Rouge, 1892-95

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crazy how i find myself thinking i've got a handle on it all finally and then i see the ways that other people tangle their lives together so easily and live so easily together with their friends and i feel like that girl at the top of the stairs painting by norman rockwell
i'll always be here
Why I recommend more than anything self observance over self growth?? because you already are something. First step of field work is always observation because to do anything with something you have to first learn it. A lot of people spend so much time trying to become something but they already are something so that makes no sense. a car is a car. a car could spend its entire life trying to be a horse but itll still be a car, just a car thats bad at being a car. and this isnt about destiny this is about person. a car and a horse are both machines of movement. one biological one mechanical but both machines of movement. If a car knows I am a car and becomes good at being a car itll have a great life. if a car thinks I have to be a horse to be worth anything itll have a terrible life.
because we live in a farmer / cow civilization anyone that doesnt fit that mold gets diagnosed wth Cow- Deficiency- Syndrome. so instead of telling a tiger hey you are a tiger you tell it hey you are a non- cow and thats a problem we need to fix hehehe. The tiger lives in cow land and tries to eat the grass and graze all day and sleep chewing cud but its not working because its not a cow. the government of cow land says okayyyy we will give you pills to make you more cowlike haha. If the tiger for once, ONCE stopped trying so hard to be a cow and let itself and its body have free reign itd know its just not a cow. but the tiger spends all its time and resources watching videos on how to cow better how to not be so lazy at grazing how to make grass taste better how to be awake all day sleep at night. This doesn't make it more cow. it doesn't make it less tiger. it makes it disassociated. depersonalized. Demoralized. self loathing. Zero confidence. weak. All this effort just to be neither. both bad at being cow and at being tiger.
Here's an example- I am a fire personality. The female world is modeled after water personality. so the world would tell me hey be softer, like a river. cooling and sustaining and submissive to the structure around you and take the form and shape of everything youre poured into. like water. i would laugh at the worlds face. no im a dominator i see what i want i make it mine i turn it to ashes?? i model it after me? I change its entire chemical make up to suit me? When i was in therapy and my therapist tried to get me to meditate by sitting and clearing my thoughts and doing yoga and I was doing grocery lists in yoga poses CLeAr YoUr ThOuGhTs ma'am please do you know what ADHD is? Im a metal personality pls so my spiritual teacher then told me no those are Yin meditation methods you signup for boxing and don't stop until your muscles can't move and you literally can not hold a thought in your brain because youll get beat up and thats the closest you will ever get to CLeAriNg YoUr MiNd thats cow tatics your mind is meant to be full you have hunter genes. and it worked. pilates when my legs are literally shaking and im in so much pain I cant think >>> morning jog or walks.
Cow tactics (this is not an insult btw. im not looking down on farmer genes. Id sell my soul to have them) of studying for three hours sitting down with headphones in has never will never work for me even as a kid my study style was walking around pacing the room reading reciting for ten minutes then book down go play. then repeat. I am NOT sitting down for more than ten minutes ill start fidgeting chewing my pen etc and I need heavy medication for it. My husband is a cow tactics person so he does. Gym reps. 3 hour meetings. Yoga. Swimming for hours. Sitting for hours. I would die. Got though school on pills trying to cow better.
Religion and normalcy are very famer / cow tactics based and everyone else suffers it. Im telling you spirituality will set you free and not in a charge your crystals in the sun way in a I am a Horse Personality so you don't kill yourself trying to be a rat. And you dont even need a Shao Lin Shaman to tell you this just stop rejecting yourself. watch yourself. A car will behave like a car. Take your time watch yourself watch your natural rhythm don't idolise people dont consume so much content from others sit in your own mind. youll know.
Ukrainian youth in the US, 1960s

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When a Nazi white guy is killed and everybody black all the lgbts all the lefties all the Muslims all the Latinos everybody every fucking body is expected to show remorse and apologize and plead in fear meanwhile they get to round up whoever they want bomb whoever they want and never apologize for any of it we are agreeing to the premise that this is their country. They get to exercise the right to violence but we don’t even when it’s literally white men who are killing them like how cucked do u have to be to sit there remorseful about this every white man in America needs to be scared right now you can’t fight all of us and your own bitch
Traditional musicians and dancer in the Old Town of Baku, Azerbaijan, 1999
By Nicola Delorme for 10 Magazine. Makeup by Isamaya Ffrench.
Best piece of advice I could give anyone is to stay away from anything that makes you feel small. People, places, situations… And continually check yourself about it too. Like regularly ask yourself if you feel like you’re closing in on yourself or opening up and able to bloom

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this and someone you can talk to about everything
Yosyp Bokshai (Ukrainian, 1891-1975), Peonies, 1947. Oil on cardboard, 96 x 70 cm.
bixby blue; big sur, california
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