a very tired bee

you're out on a mission and all your companions die and you're about to die at the beak and claws of this legendary bird when a ragtag group of maniacs burst from the woods and the oldest turtle you've ever seen goes forehead to forehead with this monster and it leaves

they help you burn the bodies of your fallen comrades so they don't get back up and you offer to take them back to your place for the night as a thank you even though one of them is definitely dead but they say it's fine and they communicate telepathically with giant birds so really who are you to judge

and you take them back to your home that's not quite home but you have duties and obligations and the weight of your father's legacy and they have a very intense conversation with your boss and convince her to let you all up into the city and you have to go do library duty as punishment for living or whatever

that night you go to check in on your new friends and they try convincing you to leave with them but before you've really made up your mind your boss and a bunch of guards break down the door to arrest and most likely kill everyone including you so these are your freaks now (the one with the big skull for a helmet is so convincing he owns your life your soul and maybe your dick now tbh)

you follow the directions of the fungril witch who's definitely never been here before but somehow knows the location of the world's worst waterslide and you fall 70 feet but somehow survive and with the amount of bodies (and soon umbral zombies) your new friends left in your wake you definitely can never go home again

you survive a typical day in the sallowlands (acid rain, quicksand whirlpools) only to get knocked out by some creatures who maybe knew the simian with the pet bat and who definitely want you to join their cult

you wake up to fight the nightmare town with the dinner plate of doom and the dead guy clears a path while your bestie with the skull destroys the dinner plate before it can burn the galapa's face off and you flee horrors beyond your comprehension as the pet bat rips these creatures' eyes out only to watch as the mysterious city everyone's been trying to figure out collapses into a giant pit

your new friends who have possibly contributed to the destruction of three cities in the past two days swear it isn't usually like this

you rush to the pit so you have a head start on all the other factions in the area and find a group of survivors who—nope, demons, of course—and the dead guy sacrifices themself in a beautiful explosion of fungus so the rest of you can survive and you finally get a little rest

your rest is cut short by the arrival of all the various factions of the sallowlands fighting each other to get here and you all head down to face 500 skeletons in a trench coat and it just about kills you and you have a horrifying near-death experience in the blood orb of infinite hells and you think this is it this is the end

and you wake up to the skull guy sacrificing his talisman and blood and he tells you you're not allowed to die yet in a tone that is not reassuring but overall kind of hot

while you were out the fungril witch sacrificed herself to defeat awful mcskelly and then the galapa does something with a glowing orb and then the turtle has wings and flies you all out of there while you get shot at but you're not really getting that because you're still half dead and barely conscious

- a little girl