It has been written

I can't actually help you, but I am trying to make you realize that you need to help yourself.

Someone's actions don't define them, but their behavior around it does.

He is not with me. He is with her. I'll be there for him. He'll be there for me. I won't leave him. He won't leave me. The only thing that separates us is the actual distance, but love is divers and knows many ways.

Being confused can also be a good thing. When we say we’re confused, we usually see it as a bad feeling, but by being confused you are actually analyzing the situation and it makes you wonder… Is this it? Is this still for me? If it’s like this then… All these things come along with confusion. By being confused we can find out if something is no longer for us and also why that is. So after it, you make a decision and you can move on, get to a better place in life.

I wish to be set free from all my thoughts that are haunting me

Just know that, if I stopped talking to you, it is not because I left you, but because you have pushed me away.

There was this one moment that took me to realization. I was standing in the bathroom, crying my eyes out and I forced myself to cover my mouth with my hand. It was like the pain and the sadness were exploding out of me, but I still tried to stop it, cover it up, swooshing it away, by trying not to cry out loud. To make it seem like it wasn’t that bad. Like it was a shame, an emotion I wasn't allowed to feel, certainly not express, a feeling of a complete earthquake that I had to stop inside me. When I noticed that, I realized that it was that bad. It was that bad, but it was okay. I had to let it out. I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw myself. Not as a reflex. No, this time I really saw myself. I saw the pain in my eyes. The red spots in my neck. The tears streaming down my face. Then I realized that I have been running from myself for months now. As I stood there, in front of that mirror I was alone, I was completely alone, but I dared to look myself in the eyes. Then my thoughts went into a different direction again. What would I say to anyone I love in this position? And instead of looking down, I kept starring in the mirror. I forced myself to say it out loud. ‘You too deserve happiness’, I mumbled. ‘You deserve to wear a real smile on your face. You deserve to look at yourself in the morning and not want to cry. You deserve to be loved. Yeah, you deserve to be loved the way you love people. With all your heart, with all the good intentions you have for them. You deserve that too.’ Then I looked down. I realized that I couldn’t feel any of those things. Then I let the earthquake that I was trying to stop happen. I let myself cry from my heart, I started shaking all over my body. I had to let myself lie down on the floor and let it out, all of it. And for the time being the only thing that was there, was pain, so much pain. When my breathing became a bit more regular and my head stopped bouncing, I got up to a sitting position and wrapped my arms around my knees. I realized something. If I love someone I wish them the world. I wish for them to be happy, to feel loved for the small things they are and bring into the world. That they can recognize their own beauty that comes from the inside, the heart, the soul, but also from their appearance. I want to give them my all and I hope, I always hope that they find their way to be in love with their lives. As I realized that, I realized that I don’t love myself at all. So many have given up on me and probably a thousand more will, but I should have never given up on myself. As wrecked as I still am, I want to start trying to find myself back. I was already working on myself, but now I want to do it for myself and that is what makes it different. I hope I can achieve and feel some of the things I would wish for someone I love.