Still looking for `A Name for Tumblr`

Karena aku anak tunggal, dan aku perempuan. Hidup sebagai anak tunggal tidak semudah yang orang katakan. Yah, setidaknya itulah yang mereka bilang saat aku kecil. Katanya, apa yang diberikan orang tua hanya untuk aku. Aku tidak perlu berbagi uang jajan, aku tidak perlu berebut mainan. Saat bapak dan ibuk pulang bekerja, oleh-olehnya cuma buat aku. Saat lebaran, uang yang mereka kumpulkan hanya untuk membeli bajuku. Aku bebas meminta apa yang aku mau. Ya benar, dan itu tidak salah. Aku memang merasakannya. Mereka memberiku kasih sayang penuh tanpa ada ketakutanku akan terbagi suatu saat ini. Aku anak tunggal, dan aku tidak bersaudara. Orang tuaku hanya milikku saja. Tapi kini aku sudah tumbuh dewasa, orang tuaku mulai menua. Tulang punggung mereka tak sekuat dulu. Meskipun begitu mereka terus berusaha keras mencari uang untuk biaya kuliahku. Berharap agar kelak aku menjadi bintang di tengah kegelapan mereka. Saat inilah aku merasa menghadapi pilihan yang sulit. Aku harus menyusun rencana hidup sebaik mungkin dengan menjadikan orang tuaku sebagai prioritas utama. Aku tegaskan jika aku tidak lagi bisa bertindak semauku hanya untuk kepentinganku saja. Aku satu-satunya harapan untuk mewujudkan mimpi mereka. Apa kau mengerti? Aku sedang berbicara tentang pernikahan. Teman-temanku berencana untuk menikah diusia muda, katanya biar punya anak saat usia tidak terlalu tua. Katanya, ingin membangun keluarga dan usaha bersama pasangannya. Taukah, jika aku juga memiliki mimpi seperti itu?. Tapi sekali lagi aku tetap tidak ingin egois. Bagaimana nanti jika aku menikah muda dan segera berkeluarga. Bukankah, aku harus membagi perhatianku untuk orang tuaku dan keluarga baruku? Baik itu kasih sayang, waktu, dan uang yang aku hasilkan nanti harus di bagi dua dan aku tidak menjamin itu akan sama rata. Karena suami dan anakku adalah keluarga baruku. Keluarga yang akan mendampingi dan mengisi masa depanku, maka sudah pasti merekalah yang secara manusiawi akan aku utamakan. Lalu bagaimana dengan orang tuaku? Mereka sudah bekerja keras membesarkanku, mendidikku, dan membahagiakanku. Hanya untukku dan tidak pernah terbagi sampai kapanpun bahkan jika keluarga baruku datang. Lantas kapan mereka akan menikmati hasil kerja kerasnya terhadapku? Inilah alasannya aku tidak ingin dulu memiliki keluarga baru. Aku tau jika untuk urusan umur pernikahan, wanita lebih mengkhawatirkan. Untuk mengandung, wanita tidak selamanya bisa, dan bahayanya wanita lebih cepat terlihat tua. Aku juga takut, karena kaum wanita itu hanya bisa dipilih, oleh kaum laki-laki yang suka pilih-pilih. Mau bagaimana lagi. Meskipun orang tuaku tidak akan memaksaku menunda pernikahan demi mereka, aku tetap ingin membalas jerih payah orang tuaku terlebih dulu. Mewujudkan semua impian dan keinginan mereka dengan kerja kerasku. Sampai akhirnya tiba waktu dimana aku siap untuk mendua. Menyambutmu sebagai keluarga baruku dengan tenang. Jadi apa tanggapanmu wahai jodohku?. Apakah kamu akan menungguku sampai kuselesaikan semuanya, sehingga nanti aku akan bisa fokus untuk kita? Ataukah mungkin kamu akan menyangkal keputusanku dan berkata jika kamu akan berjalan disisiku. Bersama-sama kita saling membantu membahagiakan orang tuaku dan orang tuamu dan kamu berjanji tidak akan menuntut seluruh waktu dan perhatianku. Ingatlah meskipun begitu, saat kamu datang nanti kamu tetap tidak bisa membawaku pergi. Aku akan tetap tinggal disisi orang tuaku. Aku anak tunggal, hanya aku yang akan menjadi tumpuan mereka ketika mereka sudah tidak bisa saling merawat satu sama lain. Maukah kau menemaniku melewati semuanya??

From one female INTJ to another, let me just tell you…I feel your pain.  The definition of flirting still confuses me, actually, and I’m usually not much better with social cues.  I’ve managed to pick up some things by closely observing how people around me react to certain words/actions, but it’s a work in progress, so I’m afraid I can’t be of much help in this area.  If you can’t figure out how to read cues by noting how the people around you react to things, and it’s having a notable negative impact on your life, I’d suggest doing some research.  I assume there are tons of books about the way people communicate via social customs, body language, etc.  I can’t recommend any specific books, since I haven’t read any, so I’m going to leave this up to the larger INTJ/MBTI community:

INTJs are the strategic, forward-thinking masterminds of the MBTI. Intensely independent and deeply analytical, this type is often perceived as intimidating by those who do not know them well. This week on my MBTI Facebook page, I asked INTJs what they wish the other types understood about them. Here is what they had to say.

1. “We actually do experience rather intense emotion; we just tend to not express it.”

2. “INTJs are constantly seeking new knowledge. Extroverts are so attractive to us because they come at things from such a different angle it surprises us and makes them fascinating. If you’re an extrovert, just be yourself.”

3. “I’m not angry, I don’t hate you, I’m not having a terrible time, and I don’t think I am better than you or this place. I just haven’t yet decided how to interact with this group of people or how to join this conversation appropriately, so instead of looking like a fool, I will remain quiet and just observe while I figure it out.”

4. “Being direct and rational is not the same thing as being rude.“

5. “Most common stereotypes about INTJs are only true for underdeveloped, relatively immature INTJs. They come across as aloof or smug because they’re very much in touch with their logical and intellectual side, but not at all in touch with their emotions. Once they expand their introverted feeling and get in touch with their extroverted sensing, they evolve into a richer and much more genial version of themselves, to the point that they might become unrecognizable to everybody that knows them!”

6. “I’m not a bitch. I’m just a woman who tells it like it is. We’re not all feelers; please stop expecting us to be.”

7. “I take a long time to make some decisions because I need to think abut the full experience and create it in my head first and plan how it might go. I can’t just decide to go rock climbing or go to the movies on the spot.”

8. “My resting bitch face means I’m in a good mood and am open to answer any questions.”

9. “We don’t want world domination. We just want everyone to shut up and do what we tell them.”

10. “We are more than our insensitive, cold stereotypes. Even though we may not reveal the depths and wide range of our emotions, we do have them, and it would do well for others to realize that.”

11. “I probably like and appreciate you more than you think I do.”

12. “Stop assuming I don’t care about your feelings or needs just because I don’t always anticipate them. Don’t expect me to guess, there are way too many variables to think about. Ask me for what you want. Tell me what’s going on with you and I will help if I can. I might even hug you if you feel bad.”

13. “I am not mad at you, That’s just my face.”

14.  “Though we tend to be good at hiding our emotions (for personal reasons perhaps), we still have them and need to express them.”

15. "We’re not antisocial, we just need alone time to recharge. If I’m not agreeing to hang out right away it’s because I may not know how I’ll be feeling later and whether or not I’ll need alone time to collect myself." 

16. "I take a long time to make some decisions because I need to think about the full experience and create it in my head first and plan how it might go. I can’t just decide to go rock climbing or go to the movies on the spot; I need to create a picture in my mind of how it might go first and see it from different angles before I can decide.”

17. “We are not all villains; we just have a hard time relating to you. Approach us calmly and look for common ground, and we can be very warm-hearted individuals.”

18. “My need to be alone does not mean I don’t like you or enjoy your company.”

19. “I’m not as detached or uninterested as you think. In fact, I usually have a lot to say in response to others’ thoughts/opinions and I often draw up an incredibly intricate argument in my head. I just don’t say anything because it’s difficult to put such intricate thoughts and arguments into mere words.”

20. “Most of the time, I just don’t know how to communicate my thoughts or feelings in the most effective translation, so I settle on not saying anything at all to avoid an overly-lengthy conversation about a topic I’m not incredibly invested in. But INTJs are still nice, sort of caring people.”

21. “If I retreat I am processing. I (probably) don’t hate you.”

22. “I’m extremely insightful. Other people’s inability to see what I see doesn’t make me a nutcase.”

23.  “I’m not actually trying to be condescending (all the time).”

24. “I’m not a snob, I’m actually petrified of small talk. In most cases, you’re going to have to initiate the conversation.”

25. “Nothing’s wrong! I’m just focusing on something right now.”

26. “We have feelings and emotions. We just regulate them and don’t act on them. We’re feel and empathize just as much as anyone else. We just use logic and reason to guide our expression and acceptance of these.”

Submitted by peter-pettishrooms (via intj-irl)

Angin. (via anginbermonolog)