H.O.P.E

I feel guilty for staying with him It went on for over a year Over a year of him controlling my life Of him using me for his own selfish desires Of me believing him when he said this was how all relationships work If I leave him I would never find anyone else who would love me I was lucky I found him No one else would ever love someone as damaged as me The final straw with him was threats He would tell me he would call the cops punch himself and blame it on me I have a record of mental illness No one would ever believe me They would lock me up again Who knows when they would let me out this time So I stayed with him I still feel like it was my fault for not leaving sooner Maybe I did deserve what he did to me I did get out I did finally leave him My body is mine

Reblog if you think having depression and anxiety is valid.

Don’t remember me… I don’t want to be that someone that crosses your mind when you’re lonely at night… I can’t be the person you lust for and wish to have by your side…. Don’t let me be the person that your tears fall for… Don’t allow yourself to want me when I’m around no more … Don’t sleep with my memory on your mind, don’t daydream about how it feels like to have me with you.. I don’t want to be the reason behind your pain when I’m gone… I don’t want to hurt you no more, so just forget about me. forget about how I made you feel, forget that what we once had was real. Don’t you dare remember how I made you smile, or how I looked back at you when you acted like a child…. please forget my love and care, forget that I was willing to show up at your door when you needed me there… Don’t remember me.. because you’re the reason I’m with you no more

I wish I could find a group like this in real life. One where survivors could just sit around and tell secrets without shame or judgement. I feel like we understand each other in a way no one else can. It would be so nice to just share stories and be around other people who get it.

You look healthy. And by that I don’t mean you look fat. I mean your face isn’t grey any more, the circles under your eyes aren’t so dark. Your lips aren’t cracked and dry and your hair isn’t thinning and brittle. I mean you seem more focused when I talk to you, You actually look at me and listen rather than being so unable to stay still or think about anything other than your illness that your eyes dart around the room and you nod manically the whole time I’m speaking. You seem calmer, stiller, quieter. You’re easier to have a joke with and you take things on board much more than you used to. I mean you laugh now, you’re less serious. There’s life about you, it’s in your eyes and your smile, it’s in the way you speak and even in the way you go about your daily tasks.  You look healthy. You look happy. It really, really suits you.

Just when you think you’ve recovered, think again.