that wonderful and grand old message

I had no sense of my physical body or “somatic intelligence” until I started developing health problems

:(

I just took. A video of how my lungs seize up and my muscles spasm when I’m upset because I was lying on the floor with my phone nearby when it got bad. and it kind of straight up looks like a horror movie where a demonic force is bending me into the cat part of cat-cow and the rest of my body is just flopping around. So that’s cool

I wish I had been able to start learning how to actually deal with how hard life is for me as a child instead of learning to fake it so I didn’t get in trouble for being “depressed” and “antisocial”. And the fact that my parents were genuinely so good compared to probably 97% of parents with children who struggle to learn how to live, and really loved me and tried so hard to help me in ways that turned out to be utterly unhelpful is something I can’t really wrap my head around and frankly a big part of why I don’t want to have kids

I need a new job and also to change everything else about my life