you dont even need to be rpfing to be crying about the beautiful transformative power of friendship

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

don’t make other people’s decisions for them. apply for the job you don’t think you’ll get. let them decide if you have the skills they’re looking for. tell that person you like them even though you think they’re out of your league. let them decide if they like you. stop trying to predict and control everything. bring what you have to the table. let the rest go.

knowing that the past tense of "hang" is "hanged" when it's a method of execution can be very entertaining because you'll be watching a horror movie and someone goes "local legend says a woman was hung in these woods" and you're like "👀 good for her I guess"

dude honestly shout out to my guards i told them to seize this guy and before i could even finish my sentence they soze him. My goats

not now honey, mommy’s yearning for something that once was and will never be again

Babysitting a toddler is a lot like being the narration in a point-and-click adventure game. Watching him knock on the doors of empty rooms and saying "hmm. I don't think anyone's in there". Watching him attempt to use [spoon] on [cat] and saying "I don't think those things go together". Watching him throw a cup of water onto the floor and just commenting "the floor is wet now" when he looks up at me to see if I approve.

ads these days are so sensitive to being tapped like darling my fingers barely brushed you and youre already opening yourself for me... well close those damn legs. dont make me get the taser

just had a really stable moment where i opened a redbull at the exact same second someone started playing industrial music in the apartment below and i briefly thought it was coming from inside the redbull can

i would like to officially thank sesame for its seeds, its oil, and of course its street

you’re laughing. i told you a joke and you’re laughing. i love you

am i losing the drive to create things for an increasingly alien and hostile world whose mounting taste for fascism feels like a cold metal vise around my skull or am i just lazy and unmedicated and looking for excuses