how to fast for the rest of my life no glue no borax

y’all I’ve been mia cuz i tried to recover but recovery has triggered me to jus keep binging and binging, i have not stepped on the scale but for the past month ive been eating an insane amount and dont even look like myself anymore. i’m so mad at myself for trying to recover bc just 1 month ago i was extremely underweight and perfect looking and now im puffy and gross and now i have to undo all of this. i think the underlying issues i have with food all has to do with copious amounts of anxiety and fear surrounding my life and controlling my food has been my only way of coping the past 4 years. its been this cycle: stve for months, get to an extremely unhealthy weight, love the way i look but hate the way i feel, cant sleep anymore, and then decide i want to be normal so i try to recover, then I recover physically but not mentally, and then repeat. i’m so tired. i just want peace with food. why do i have such issues with food. food has ruined my life and i wish i could just be normal. i’m so done.

Guys I haven’t binged in several weeks I can’t even remember the last time I binged. How did I break the pattern of binging every single weekend for the past 7 months? I don’t even know. I’ve been walking 15k-30k steps daily though + lifting too. Only con is that with how little my food intake is and out high my energy expenditure is my body refuses to sleep more than 7 hours and usually I need 8.5 hours of sleep to feel well rested. So I never feel well rested recently and my eye bags I fear are becoming permanent. If Ana didn’t affect my sleep I swear it would make my life 10x better.

Welp I jus binged. Bad. Guess I have to fast the whole week 🫩