I wish that I was eighteen

(A/N) I haven’t been too inspired recently to write anything, but I’m trying to get back into this. Hopefully someone is enjoying this. Thanks :)

Masterlist

Part 1

Part 2

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There was a usual loud bang on my door that I had grown accustomed to hearing every morning. It was like my alarm clock letting me know that my parents were still alive. Some morning it would stop abruptly, other times it would continue until I opened the door.

I groaned and remembered the night before. I sat up and looked over at Michael sleeping soundly on my bed. I smiled at how cute he looked with his head buried underneath a pillow. During the night he had removed his shirt. I admired his relaxed body and silently prayed that the banging wouldn’t continue. After a few minutes of not hearing anything I laid back down on the floor and took a sigh of relief.

It was comforting to have someone with me again. Just having Michael around me made me feel so much safer. I wanted to crawl into his arms and just hug him for being so nice to me. Silently thanking my grandmother for always looking out for me. I closed my eyes and relaxed into my pillow. Slowly drifting away to the thoughts of Michael. I pictured his shy smile when he walked me home. I wonder if his parents would be upset he never came home. Maybe I should wake him up. I don’t want his parents to hate me. I mean, if they know my parents they might already hate me.

I sat up and whispered softly. “Michael..” I wanted to reach for him but his back was turned to me. He didn’t react. I mean if the loud bang didn’t wake him up then my small whisper probably wouldn’t either. I got up and sat on the bed, put my hand on his shoulder gently shook him. “Hey Michael..” I said a little louder. 

He groaned and rolled over to face me but kept his eye closed. “Mike-” He cut me off by pulling my down onto the bed. I froze and looked at him. He wrapped his arms around me and continued sleeping. “Um.. Michael?” I whispered and tried to put my hands somewhere, but all I could do was place them on his chest. He sighed and pulled me closer to him. I look at his face and smiled slowly. Michael was really beautiful up close, especially when he was relaxed. As much as I was enjoying my time staring at him, I need to wake him up.

I pushed against his chest and said it a little louder this time “Michael wake up” I put my hand on his shoulder and shook him again. This time he reached up and rubbed his eyes. “Good morning” I smiled.

“Did the floor get uncomfortable?” He laughed and unwrapped his arms from my body. Slightly disappointed, I moved onto my side and looked at him stretching. 

“I tried waking you up and you kinda pulled me onto the bed, sorry” I replied, trying to give him some space, though that was difficult. 

Michael turned to face me, on my small twin bed we were laying so close to each other. He smiles at me and mumbled "how you feeling?"

I look at his arms tucked underneath his head and softly replied. "Safe, I like being around you." I blushed revealing that. I wanted to lean closer, but a part of me was still so scared of caring for someone new.

Michael must of sensed my hesitant feelings because he offered out his hand for me to hold. "How do you usually feel?" He played with my hand in his.

I watched our hands together and felt so at peace with the small gesture. "Usually?" I paused and took a deep breathe before saying. "I don’t feel anything. Like I could disappear and no one would notice. I like to stare at my walls sometimes, it's stupid but the blankness of them is really comforting.." It's probably the longest thing I've said since my grandma died. It felt natural to tell Michael. I just wanted to keep telling him more but I also didn't want to scare him.

I looked at his expression, expecting him to be horrified of the girl he had tried to befriend but instead he was still playing with my fingers and nodding. "The walls are kinda like what you feel on the inside? Plain, insignificant?" He looked up from our hands.

"Yeah.." I whispered not wanting to ruin this moment. "My grandma always wanted to decorate these walls, she would tell me that I should stare at positive things when I felt down." I felt tears forming in my eyes and stopped talking.

Michael pulled our hands into his chest and squeezed my hand and slowly caressed the back of my palm. "She planned to put up butterflies, not purple or pink ones though. Mary knew you would hate how girly those would look. Even though she loved them. She told me you preferred the color blue." He smiled and stopped talking when he noticed me starring at him confused.

"How did-" I was cut off by loud banging on my door again. Michael sat up and put his arm in front of me. I held onto his arm and mumbled annoyingly. "It's just my parents, the doors locked they can't get in."

Michael gave me a worried look and said. "Did you wake me up because you were afraid they come in?"

I smiled and shook my head suddenly remembering why I woke him up. "Oh! Don't you need to get home? I don't want your parents to hate me.. Not that I care if your parents hate me. I mean it doesn't matter, right? It's not like I'm your girlfrie-" I stopped rambling and saw him smiling at me. "What?" I shyly asked.

Michael laid back down, pulling my hand with him. "I should've mentioned it before, but I don't live with my parents. I moved out a couple months ago. I need my space so I got a small apartment on my own. Don't worry (Y/N) you can still make a good impression"

I laid back down and pulled our hands closer to me, this time playing with his hand. He watched me smiling at our hands. "Do they know about my parents?" I avoided looking at his face and continue my game of locking our hands together. Most people in this small town knew about my situation. It never bothered me that people thought my parents were a wreck, but for some reason I wanted Michael's parents to like me. I know if they knew my parents, they'd hate me. I accepted his silence as a yes and sighed. "Then a bad impression has already been imprinted into their minds." I looked down trying to hide my face with my hair.

"No." Michael said firmly and shook his head, reaching out to move the hair in my face, but my natural reaction was to flinch away. "It's okay (Y/N), I'm not gonna hurt you." He whispered softly and slowly pushed the hair away from my face. "You shouldn't be here anymore. You should always feel safe" he kept his voice soft and it felt so comforting .

"Some people aren't meant to feel..." I sighed, struggling to find the words. "I don't think I deserve that." I held onto Michael's wrist and looked at his face; so close to mine I could feel his breathe on my cheek. "I wish I could erase my grandma from my memory."

"Why? I thought you loved her?" Michael kept his hand on my cheek and caressed my cheek with his thumb softly. "If you think her love was fake? I can guarantee you that it's completely real."

I shook my head and smiled slightly. "It's not that. It's actually the opposite." I took a deep breathe and look at our hands, still intertwined. "My grandma taught me the purest form of love. I got a taste of unconditional love. Love where you love someone more than you love yourself." I closed my eyes and whispered, like it was a secret. "And then it was ripped away from me." I felt Michael tighten his hold on my hand and pull my face closer to his, making our foreheads touch. "I don't want to ever feel that again. I don't want to fall in love, I would be setting myself up for failed. Michael.." I felt tears flowing down to the pillow. "I can't love anyone."

"I don't believe that." He shook his head and said confidently. "Remember when I said, we’re gonna be good friends?" Michael stopped caressing my cheek and tilted my head so I was starring at him clearer now. I nodded and he continued "I lied." I started pulling away but he kept me close to him. "We're gonna be so much more than that. Not because your grandma asked me to watch over you but because I like you. I like you (Y/N). I'm not gonna go anywhere." He smiled and sat up bring me with him. "Lets go out today?"

I shook my head and pulled my knees into my chest. "I like staying here." I was completely taken aback by what Michael had just said. With my heart threatening to burst from excitement, I felt safer to just relax for the day in my room. I know Michael won't hide in my room with me forever but I need to take baby step back into civilization. But I could tell I was slowly working towards that.

"I know you like staying here, but it's not good for you. Come on.." He jumped off the bed and looked at me. "We can go have breakfast, then we can come back into hiding. Or you can even come see where I like to hide?" He smiled and offered his hand out to me.

~~

After finally getting out of the house, we walked back to Michael’s job to get his car. When I asked him why he didn't just drive me home last night, he simply said that it wouldn't give him enough time to convince me to letting him stay the night. I smiled and climbed into the car.

"So where are we going?" I asked him after a few minutes of driving, we were going down a road I didn't recognize.

"Out of town, I thought you'd feel better if we went to a place where no one knows either of us." He turned on the radio for the rest of the ride. I smiled and nodded slowly. It was so thoughtful of him to think about me. The rest of the ride was silent, we would occasionally change the radio station but other than a few glances at him, I didn't say anything else.

The diner was peacefully quite, small chatter from people but you can't quite make out what they're saying. It's wasn't crowded at all, which I was grateful for. People made me nervous. We sat down across from each other and Michael stared at his menus for a few minutes, but I was strategically stealing glances at him when he was paying attention to me.

"Have you decided yet?" He asked me after setting down his menu. Michael gave me a knowing smile as if he'd known I was watching him this whole time.

"Um-" I quickly looked down at the menu and nodded. "I'll just have some apple juice" I put the menu to the side but Michael pushed it back in front of me.

"You have to eat something." Michael shook his head and pushed the menu back to me. “Do you want pancakes? or waffles? Which do you prefer?” He pointed at other things on the menu.

I shrugged “I’ll just have whatever you’re having” I pushed the menu away and played with my hands. Missing the feeling of his large hands squeezing mine.

“Have you ever had a boyfriend?” Michael asked me out of no where. I furrowed my brows and shook my head no. “Just curious, I always saw you with your grandma, no one else”

“Didn’t need anyone else.” I looked out the window and mumbled. “I mean, I don’t” I took a deep breath and firmly stated. “I can take care of myself. What you saw last night, isn’t a usual thing. You don’t need to worry about it.” I wanted to reach out for his hand, it was dangerous how addicted I was to him already. “How many girlfriends have you had?”

“What makes you think I’ve had a girlfriend?” He laughed as I rolled my eyes at that. 

“Come on, I’ve seen you with a girl before.” I regretted saying that as soon as the words left my mouth. I used to see Michael in the parking lot of his job, with a girl. My grandma didn’t like her, never told me why just that she was bad news. She looked like a model, with big blue eyes and dark hair. My dark brown eyes and equally as dark brown hair didn’t compare to that. They would be wrapped in each others arms and whisper secret to each other. I can admit, I was pretty jealous, not exactly of the girl but more of their love. 

Never in a million years would I think, any boy could love me like Michael seemed to love her.

“Stalking me (Y/N)?” He smiled slightly and shrugged. “I’ve had one serious girlfriend, but she left town a while back.” I leaned forward wanting to hear more, Michael must have sensed it because looked at me intensely. “I’ll tell you more about Brooks if you tell me about Mary.”

“What about my grandmother?” I leaned back against the booth and crossed my arms defensively. I didn’t like talking about her. She was something I would rather keep buried inside me.

“What happen to her?” Michael paused while the waitress came over and took our order. 

“I could ask you the same. I used to see you with her and you guys seemed pretty in love.” I smiled slightly and looked at my hands. “I’ll tell you one thing about Mary in exchange you tell me about Brooks, deal?”

“Deal.” Michael smiled and took a moment to think of his question. “When?” 

“She passed away two months ago.” I stated emotionless. It was easier to separate myself this situation. My turn to know more about him. “Do you still love her?”

“Don’t worry about her.” Michael shrugged and then started thinking about his nest question. 

I shook my head and interrupted his thought. “You didn’t answer the question. Do you? I don’t mean to pry but it’s kinda important to know. I mean if you love this girl, she probably won’t be okay with you being here with me and staying with me last night.” I stopped rambling and mentally face palmed myself. Why did I do that?

There was a small pause before Michael finally answer. “I do still love her. But not in the way you’re thinking. She means a lot to me, but I don’t love her in a romantic way. Not anymore.” He thanked the waitress as she set our food down. He started eating and gestured for me to do the same. “How did Mary die?”

“She had a heart attack, the doctors say it could’ve been because of her age.” I ate slowly and watch him. “How long were you guys together?” 

“Brooks? Listen (Y/N) don’t worry about her. There isn’t much more to say, shes gone” Michael assured me as he continued eating. He furrowed his brows and look down at his food, refusing to continue the conversation.

We sat in silence, as we finished our meal. I was afraid I angered him, and I wanted to apologize but didn’t want to bring it back up. Occasionally Michael’s leg would brush up against mine. But other than that we kept to ourselves. 

We climbed back into his car and I starred out the window the majority of the ride. I assumed he was taking me home but when we turned into an apartment building, I sat up and looked at him. “Where are we?”

Masterlist.

Michael walked me home, each of us holding a bag. I told him that he could just walk me to my street but he insisted on walking me to my door. Once we reached my house, I saw the light were on in the living room, which meant my parents were up. I sighed and turned to him. “Thanks for walking me home” I reached to take the bag but he pulled away.

“It’s no problem, I can help you put this stuff away if you want.” He smiled hopefully at me. Michael started towards my house and walked up the porch. “Come on, slow poke” He teased me. I followed him to the door and hesitated to open it.

“I can really handle this on my own..” I tried to reach for the bag again but once again he pulled away and shook his head. Insisting on helping me. I sighed and opened the door, praying silently that my parents wouldn’t bother us.

“You guys don’t lock the door?” he whispered as he follows close behind me. We walked into the house and I saw my parents cuddling each other on the couch. “Those your parents?” He whispered to me. I nodded and kept walking to the kitchen. I started putting things into the fridge and showed Michael were to put other things.

“Bird!” My mum yelled from the living room. “Bird, I need you to go...” She walked into the kitchen and saw us putting away things. “Whose this?” My mum leaned against the door watching us. 

“I’m Michael” He smiled and held out his hand to my mum. She smiled and shook it. “I was making sure (Y/N) got home safe.”

“Oh you went out?” My mum looked at me. “I need you to go over to Bills, he’s got your dads..” She looked at Michael and mumbled “..things” I sighed and looked down. Sometimes my parents would make me go get their drugs because they know if the cops saw them near Bills house they would get arrested instantly. No one noticed me. “(Y/N), you listening?”

“Mum, can it wait till morning?” I looked down at my hands, feeling uncomfortable that Michael had to witness this. “Please..”

“No, go now. You’ve got money right?” She scratched her arm and rummaged through the bags, finding a sandwich. 

“I just bought groceries..I don’t have any.” I turned away and finished putting everything away.

“(Y/N) stop being a selfish bitch, Nana left you a shit ton a money. I know you got money!” She walked over to me and started checking my pockets. “Where are you hiding it?”

“Mum stop..” I looked over at Michael and could tell he felt uncomfortable too. I tried pushing her off me as she reached into my bra and took the money I had on me.

“I knew it!” She smiled and kissed my forehead. “Good Bird..” She pocketed my money and walked back to the living room.

I started at my hands, unsure about what to say to Michael. “She’s just playing..” I mumbled and tried not to cry in front of him. “I’ll walk you out” Avoiding looking at him.

“(Y/N)..” He sighed and stood in front of me. Hesitantly he put his hands on my shoulders and whispered softly. “Do you want me to stay? Mary said sometimes she just sat with you..” I smiled softly. My grandma had told Michael everything she did for me and he was offering to take her place. “I can sleep on the floor? Or we can go to my place?” 

I looked up at him, confused about what to do. “You don’t have to” I mumbled and heard the front door being shut. “Sorry..” I walked past him and ran outside. Watching my parents walking together. “Where are you going!” I started running after them when I felt my hand being pulled back.

“Don’t go.” Michael pulled me back and kept a hold on my hand. “Want me to stay or do you want to come with me?” He looked at me closely. 

“I have to make sure they’re okay” I whispered, ready to pull away from the only person in the town who actually showed any interest in me. “I’m really sorry, you should just go.” I looked back to the direction where my parents went and figured I wouldn’t catch up and running after them would draw attention. “Goodnight Michael.” I walked into the house and immediately started cleaning up after my parents.

“Wait.. not goodnight. Do you want me to stay?” He followed me and closed the door. He started helping me pick things up. This boy, he witnessed my parents steal money off me, go buy drugs and is still here, helping me clean up? It somehow made me feel less alone.

We finished cleaning in silence and then he stared at me waiting for me to give him something else to do. “It’s pretty late, you just got off work, aren’t you tired?” 

“Oh.. yeah I’m pretty beat, so are we staying here or?” He dug his hands into his pocket and smiled shyly.

Realizing that there was no getting rid of him, I just gave in. “My rooms back here..” I led him to my room and let him in before locking my bedroom door. “You can take the bed, I’ll crash on the floor.” I smiled and started laying down some extra blankets on the floor. 

“No, I can’t let you do that..” He smiled and started taking off his shoes, and jacket. I realized that he was wearing jeans and would probably feel uncomfortable sleeping in them.

“Do you want some pjs? You’re about my dads size” I finished setting up a bed on the floor and he nodded and thanked me. I went into my parents room and brought him back the pants. “You change, I’m gonna get into my pjs in my parents room.” I gave him space and got dressed. After waiting a few minutes I walked back into my room.

“Hey.. I can take the floor it’s really fine with me” He smiled and put all of his things in the corner of my room. 

“No, please take the bed. It would make me feel better after what you’ve had to see today.” I smiled and re locked my bedroom door. I turned off all the lights and got comfortable on the floor as Michael got comfortable on the bed.

“Goodnight (Y/N)”

“Goodnight Michael”

(A/N) Short little filler

Masterlist

(Y/N) POV:

We spent the rest of the day getting Ashton settled inside my apartment. After finding a place for his clothes and other stuff, we went grocery shopping. It seemed as our whole day flew by. "Hey Ashton, I'm gonna take a shower can you keep an ear on Carter?" I said to him as I made my way to the bathroom in my towel. "Alright, I'll shower after you" he shouted from the kitchen. After my shower I returned to my room to find Ashton with a sleeping Carter next to him on my bed. Ashton was texting someone with his brows furrowed. "Everything okay?" I whispered to him as I got dress. "Yeah, I'm just talking to this guy about letting me play at his cafe but he says I've got to wait on his list, and that can take months" he sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Is that what you're gonna do? Play at cafes?" I laid Carter on her back as she slept through me taking her dress off and dressing her in her pjs. "Sleepy girl" I whispered softly before putting her in her crib. "Yeah.. I figured I could make money that way, still doing what I love" he said sadly. "Anyway, I'll leave you two ladies for the night. See you tomorrow morning" he kissed me quickly before leaning into Carters crib and kissing her. I laid in bed while Ashton showered listening to him walk about the apartment for a few minutes before I got up and found him laying on the couch, watching tv. "Can't sleep" I mumbled and I crawled on top of him and laid my head on his chest. "I need some answers." "Ask me anything" he said as he wrapped his arms around me, one on my shoulder and the other on my butt. "I don't want to pull you away from what you love Ashton. You love making music-" I sighed as Ashton cut me off. I felt horrible, Ashton was so happy when he found out he was gonna be on tour. His happiness continued when they were getting signed, and making an album. Now instead of touring the album, he's gonna have to watch his best friend tour without him. "I love you and Carter Mae more. I'm not gonna leave you guys again.. I'm okay with playing local shows only, and playing music to just you and Carter if that's what it becomes." He rubbed my butt and whispered. "Having you here is much better than being on stage miles away from you and Carter Mae" "Ashton, what happens if it's not enough? What if we can't make ends meet? You'll resent me." I cuddled closer to his neck, afraid to lose him again. "I don't want you to have to work at a job that you hate just to keep us" "I made this decision, I'm not going to resent you. I promise everything is going to work out, once I get to play at those cafes I can become a regular and the pay isn't horrible. We'll both be working and still doing what we love" he kissed my head and rubbed his hand up and down my thigh. "Okay..listen it doesn't matter how long it takes for you to start working in these cafe's. I work, and you still have money from the band. So don't stress to much about the wait" I sighed and relaxed into his body, rubbing his chest to comfort him. "I know... I just miss playing" he smiled up at the ceiling, getting that twinkle in his eye. "It was so much fun being a kid again, and not being a parent." "I can imagine" I missed not having responsibilities, but I wouldn't give them up either. I loved my daughter. "Wait.. I said that wrong. (Y/N) I wouldn't just give up on Carter Mae, I love being her dad" he babbled kinda panicked. I giggled up at him and shook my head. "Relax Ashton, I know what you meant." We watched the tv screen for some time before Ashton broke the silence. "My turn to ask you a question, how much longer are we going to pretend like this apartment is big enough for us?" He laughed and looked down to me. "You're always trying to relocate me and Carter" I teased and shrugged. "Just a little longer, then we can look for a small home" I smiled at him. "Don't start looking for places to live without me like last time" "You're choosing the house this time. All on your own!" He pulled me closer. "I just require a bedroom for us, one for Carter Mae and an extra room for when we have baby number two" "No more babies." I kept running my hands on his chest, enjoying the feeling of having someone with me. "I'm perfectly content with you and Carter" "Maybe you'll change your mind about that, you know now that I'm home" he turned off the tv and we laid in silence for a while. "Why do even want another baby? Are we not enough?" I teased him, starring straight ahead. "You guys are everything. I have more love to give and I think it'd be good to expand our family." He reached for his blanket and threw it over both of us. "(Y/N), Carter Mae deserves some siblings to play with" "Siblings?" I questioned softly. Realistically I wasn't planning to have anymore kids. Maybe one more down the road but two or three more? Absolutely not. I came from a big family, you may think you have a lot of love to give but parents choose a favorite and the rest are left fending for themselves with the occasional check in from a parent. I hadn't even talked to my parents in a year. "Yeah, they can be friends" he giggled at the thought of more babies. "We'll see" I mumbled softly. "Are you jet lagged? L.A. time is very different from our time" I got up from his embrace and went to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. Bringing back some sleeping pills, I put them on the coffee table. "In case you get desperate" I smiled. "Actually, I will take those" he sat up to take the pills. "Last night was rough" I smiled and laid back down, pulling me into him. I placed small kisses along his neck and jaw line, like how I used to before we became so distant. "I'm never gonna stop loving you Ashton" I whispered softly. "Good, cause I'll never stop loving you either" he rubbed my thigh as I kept kissing him. "God I miss you so much" "Stop missing me" I kissed up to his lips and whispered against them. "I'm here" "Stay until I'm asleep." He kissed my lips softly and we relaxed into each other. "What if that takes too long, I have to be at work tomorrow" I said even though I was getting comfortable in his arms. "It's won't take long" he insisted and rubbed my back. "I love you" he mumbled against my head. I felt Ashton drifting asleep, so I looked up and gave him a soft kiss. "I'll see you in the morning" I whispered before getting up and going back to my room. I got comfortable in bed and watched Carter until I started drifting to sleep.

(A/N) I wrote this one night, feeling something new. 

Masterlist

(Y/N) POV:

She's everything I've ever needed. Always was there for me. One night I wanted so badly for everything to just stop. Now, I wasn't going to kill myself. But I did want to die. I wanted so badly for everything in my life to disappear, but my grandma always found a way to make it better. She would sit with me and just listen. It may seem like she should have done more, but when someone's having a full on panic attack the best thing to do, is just be there. Or maybe I'm just a whack job. She never did like it when I said that about myself. My parents are too busy shooting up to care what I was doing. My grandma understood that sometimes when I wasn't feeling right, I just needed to sit in silence and stare at the walls. She's the only one that understood me. She left two months ago. I tried to continue life but it didn't feel right. So I got into bed and starred at the wall, I haven't really moved much since. My parents haven't seemed to notice, I guess drug addicts wouldn't. They love me, I know they do. They just love the high a little more. In my dreams I pretend like I've been to school. Even though I'm pretty sure two month of missing school, makes me a drop out. I don't really know how that works. Is there a form I have to sign to become a drop out? Will my parents need to be present? When I found out about her leaving I felt my heart being ripped out of my chest. She wasn't gonna come back. I was officially alone. It's been a week since I've last talked to my parents. I try to check on them often, make sure they’re still alive. They were passed out in their bedroom, so I just climbed in between them. "Hey baby" my mum whispered as she wrapped her arms around me. "How's my bird?" I rested my head against her and told her for the billionth time. "I'm not okay." I mumbled and wiped my eyes. It didn't matter, she wouldn't remember anyway. My parents aren't bad people. My mum tried giving up the drugs, and she successfully did for a while. During her pregnancy she didn't touch drugs, and for a few months after I was born. My grandma helped raise me but she's gone now. Now it's just me and my parents. "Whats upsetting you, Bird?" My mom mumbled, she closed her eyes and I felt her falling asleep. Before I could tell her what was wrong, I knew she was already not listening. "I want to die." I stated bluntly. Nobody heard me, I got out of their bed and tucked them in. Making my way over to the kitchen and I see its midnight. I start to fix myself a bowl of cereal. Taking a blanket and my cereal, I went out to sit on the back porch. I used to sit out here with her. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to function without her there with me. It's sad. After a few minutes I heard "Bird?" it was my mum stumbling in the kitchen. I got up and opened the sliding door leading to the backyard. "Mum, it's late maybe you should just call it a night?" I watched her searching for more drugs. "Mum are you hungry?" I sighed. "Bird, there isn't any food here" she starred at me and shook her head. "Get some tomorrow after school, alright?" "I can go now." I smiled softly and walked up to my mum and hugged her. "I'll go get something for all of us" I whispered before letting her go. Going into my room, I got dressed and ready to go to the corner store to get us all some food. There was this really nice guy that worked there, my Grandma said his name was Michael, but she was always teasing me so I didn’t believe her. He used to make my grandma smile. I haven't been there since she left. ~~ Walking into the store, I saw him standing behind the register. His hair was a different color today, blue. Last time I saw him it was this bright pink color, and my grandma told him, she loved it. She liked all of the colors he chose. "Hey!" He smiled and waved from the counter. "What's been going on? I haven't seen you in a while? How's Mary?" He called after me as I looked for some food.  It was the first time I heard her name since the funeral. "She's gone." I stated bluntly and kept searching. I used to get excited coming in here and seeing the boy. Now it's just a reminder of my lovely grandma. "What?" He leaned against the counter and watched me. “What does that mean? Gone?” He looked so confused. How did he not know?

“She died” I stared at my options of cereal and tried to not think about, or I would completely fall apart.

“Oh my god..” He ran his fingers through his hair and waked over to me slowly. “Um.. are you okay? When did..when?” He watched me intently.  "Two months ago." I tried to focus on the food. I was avoiding having this conversation. "Listen I'm not really ready to talk.." "Okay." He nodded and walked back to the register. I could hear him sigh when he got to his position. "I'm sorry, I know you don't want to talk. But will you listen?" He looked at me and I stared back. I know I look like shit. I've barely slept in 2 month, and my hair is a mess as it hides my face. I guess he mistook silence as a yes because he continued speaking. "Mary said you asked about my name. Um.. It's Michael. Did she tell you?" He paused but then before I could answer he shook his head and held up his hand to stop me. "You don't wanna talk. Okay, um anyway, Mary said you're parents weren't the best.." "Stop it." I answered angrily. This kid didn't know my parents. The whole neighborhood saw them as worthless junkies but I wouldn't allow him to saw these things. "They love me. They're good people" "I know! Shit I'm sorry" he mumbled and sighed. "Mary said they weren't the best at listening. She said that she was all you had. But I want you to know that I'm here to listen when you're ready to talk" he smiled cautiously and pointed at my basket. "You ready?" "You don't even know me." I walked up to him and put my food on the counter. "Maybe not.. But Mary loved talking about you, I feel like I know you" he smiled and rang up all my items. "Kinda late to be buying groceries, isn't it?" It was well after midnight, it's tragic that he had to be at work this late. But I prefer to shop at this hour because there's less people to ask about my grandma. "My mums hungry" I lied. Truthfully my parents probably won't eat unless I hand the food right to them, they'll never fix themselves anything. "Listen, my grandma may have lied to you about something. She was getting old." God please forgive me for lying about my beautiful granny, but I didn't want pity from Michael. "My parents always listen, they don't get high anymore, they stopped." I fumbled with my hands as I handed him money. He looked at me with sad eyes and sighed. "I work most nights, but I get off soon, and I'm free on Sunday's if you get tired of them constantly listening to you. I know it get pretty annoying when you're parents are constantly paying attention to you" he bagged everything and hand me change while he spoke. “(Y/N), Mary wouldn't leave you alone, I am here if you want to talk" I didn't know what to say. A complete stranger who didn't know me so I just awkward looked at him and said. "Cool." I grabbed my bag and started for the door. "Wait! Are you busy? Can you wait a few minutes? I can walk you home, if you don't mind waiting?" He rushed out and blushed when I look back at him. He was being so nice, my grandma never mentioned that she talked to him so much. I just told her how much I liked him, God I hope she didn't tell him everything I said to her. "Do you pity me? Is that why you're being so nice?" It's all I could think of, everyone in this town was indifferent towards me. No one was at the funeral besides me and my parents. Everyone ignored us. "No.. I just want to help" he smiled and ran to the back room. I didn't know if I should wait for him to come back, so I start towards the door again but then heard him running back. He had a chair with him, he set it down next to the one that was behind the register. "Wanna hang out?" I slowly made my way towards him and looked at him confused. "Why?" I mumbled and set my stuff down. He motioned for me to sit down. "I'm just trying to help." He sat down on one chair and I sat down next to him. "We're gonna be good friends (Y/N)" he smiled and we waited for someone to come replace him. God I hope we'll be good friends.

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(A/N) NEW PART OF REASONINGSSSSS 

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(Y/N) POV:

"Wake up.." Ashton whispered softly as he shook my awake. I groaned and waved his hand away. "(Y/N) you have a visitor" Confused I looked at him and mumbled "Ana?" I looked at the time, 7 am was pretty damn early for Ana to be visiting. "No.. Um Brian?" He smiled uncomfortably and whispered "He's waiting for you in the living room." I nodded and got up, following Ashton out to the living room. "Brian?" I walked into the living room and saw him holding a bag that must of contained food. Shocked that Brian was actually here. I had told him to not come here when Carter was home, and he knows she’s always with me. Why would he just stop by? "What are you doing here? My daughters home.." I insisted to him.  "Hey (Y/N), I'm really sorry I know you don't want me to meet Carter and I understand. Um.. You said she gets you up pretty early so I figured bringing you breakfast would help make the morning easier. I didn't know you'd have guest staying over or I would've called first." He handed me the bag. "I brought enough for the 3 of us but if you don't want me to stay, you guys can have it. It's blueberry pancakes." I smiled and looked into the bag. Brian brought blueberry pancakes. I had mentioned to him, they were Carters favorite but I didn't think he was listening to me because he quickly changed the subject. "Extra syrup?" I looked up at him. Brian was a sweet guy but I wasn't sure I was ready to move on from Ashton. Especially not after I had learned that he was fighting for us. "Yeah.." He sighed and leaned in close and whispered "who's the guy? Please tell me that's your brother" he smiled shyly and looked at me cautiously. "It's Ashton, Carters dad.." I set down the bag and started to clean up the couch where Ashton had slept. "I thought he was in America? You mentioned he was a musician" Brian sat down on the couch and looked at me. "Is that why you didn't want me to come by last night? Should I not be here? I understand if you want me to leave" "He was. He came back last night.." I felt sorry for Brian. He deserved to be with someone who could give him everything her deserved. But my heart was with someone else now. "I had no idea Brian, I promise I'm just not ready for my daughter to meet guys" I sighed and sat down next to him. "When did you start seeing people?" Ashton said as he walked into the living room, he sat down on the couch, next to me. "Hey man" he nodded towards Brian. "Brian, I'll walk you out." Both me and Brian got up and walked to the door. I smiled and opened the door. Brian leaned in and cupped my face giving me a very passionate kiss. Which would have been very sweet had it not been just because Ashton was watching us and Brian wanted to ‘mark his territory’. Guys are idiots.  "I'll call you, let me know if Carter enjoys the pancakes. I'll bring some tomorrow, if that's alright with you" Brian smiled down to me. "You're babbling again" I giggled uncomfortably and held onto door knob, leaning my head into it. "Want to stop me again?" He leaned down to kiss me again but right before our lips made contact Ashton interrupted. "This is your boyfriend?" Ashton looked over at me with sad eyes. "You didn't mention last night, when you said you wanted to work on us." "Definitely time for me to go." Brian pecked my lips and walked out. I walked over to the couch and opened the bag of food, handing Ashton one of the trays of pancakes. "He's a friend.." I mumbled. "What was he talking about?" Ashton opened the tray and looked at his pancakes sadly. "I didn't know Carter Mae's favorite pancakes were blueberry. Didn't even know she liked pancakes" "Forget what he said.." I got up, going over to the kitchen to make both me and Ashton some coffee. "Carter just likes pancakes because I smush it up on her plate, it's easy for her to eat it. You can feed her today, if you want to." "You'll help me?" Ashton walked into the kitchen and leaned against the door frame. Watching me set out two mugs for us he mumbled barely audible "You slept with him, right? That's what he meant." Pausing and thinking about how to phrase my next words correctly. "It meant very little, I was lonely.." "But it meant something.” He clutched his fist “You think I wasn't lonely?! I lost everything (Y/N). My fiancé wouldn't call me back, which meant I couldn't talk to my daughter, and you're right I have gone longer without seeing Carter Mae, but before you would send me pictures of her daily, this time around I only got pictures if my mom was with her." He sighed and walked over to me. "Do you want to work on us or play house with a guy you barely know?" "You're mad.” I stated calmly, trying to get him to relax “But you need to understand that I thought you moved on. I wasn't going to cry over you forever, I was trying to move on too. But I didn't. I'm still in love with you." I took his hands in mine. "Ashton you know me, I am not the girl that tries this hard in relationships. You know that I walk away from people before they can walk away from me" "I also know that you would never sleep with someone unless feelings are there. So if you have feeling for this guy, then do not let me be the reason you guys don't try." Ashton let go of my hands. "I'm gonna check on Carter Mae" I felt tears threatening to flow but pushed them back, I followed him out of the kitchen. "Will fight for me?" Ashton shook his head "After this long, I shouldn't have to" Ashton walked into my room and shut the door behind him. He was right, we've always been there for each other and a bump in the road like this shouldn't have led me into the arms of another man. I was asking Ashton to fight for me but I hadn't been fighting for him. I had given up the second I thought things were getting tough. I finished clean up the living room and put the pancakes that Brian had brought over on the counter. I walked into my room and saw Ashton standing over Carters crib. "I think I'm gonna go back to my moms house" Ashton hesitated then looked up at me. "Um.. I'll come back to see Carter tomorrow" Before he could continue going on I walked in front of him and wrapped my arms around his torso, burying my head in neck. I held on tight to him and mumbled softly against his skin "Aren't you gonna feed Carter?" He sighed and kept his hands to his side without hugging me back. "She won't even realize I'm not here." "No.. But she's gonna notice if you are here" I rubbed his back. "Can you hug me back?" It felt strange having to ask him to hold me. Being back in his arms felt right, I felt at home. "(Y/N) is this you choosing us? Because if it is, then you need to tell Brian that he can no longer call you, and if it's you still being unsure-" "I'll let Brian know that he can't call me" I cut Ashton off and looked up at him, resting my chin on his chest. "You'll stay?" "Yes, I'll feed Carter Mae with you" he smiled and finally wrapped his arms around me. "I didn't really want to leave.." He looked down at me. "Don't leave then.." I whined and tightened my hold on him. "Ever" I whispered softly. Before Ashton could answer me Carter started rolling around in her bed, and whining to be picked up. Letting go of Ashton, I turned around and picked up Carter. "Good morning Carter Mae" Ashton chimed in. "Daddy is gonna take care of you" Ashton rested his hands on my shoulder and cooed at Carter. "Daddy can start by changing Carter Mae's diaper" I giggled and handed Carter to Ashton. "I'll go set up the table for us" "Okay, but before that.." He pulled me close to him and kissed me softly. For the first time in months, it felt blissful. He pulled away slowly and whispered softly against my lips. "No one else get to taste those lips ever again.. I'll make sure of that" Pecking my lips once he rest his forehead on mine. "I'll kill anyone who comes near my fiancé again" "Ashton.. Before you kill anyone, how about you change Carters diaper?" I giggled and let go of him. "Also, I don't recall you asking for my hand in marriage?" I smiled and walked to the kitchen. We both fed Carter and watched her make a mess of the pancakes, getting more on the floor and her face then she actually ate. After breakfast I watched Ashton bathe Carter. He made her laugh the whole time and it was absolutely wonderful to hear them both so happy with each other. "Ashton, can I ask you something?" I laid on the bed watching him trying to decide what to put on Carter, as she crawled around the bed in just her diaper. "Is this about what I'm gonna dress Carter in? Because I still haven't decided" he smiled and kept looking through her draws. "No" I giggled as Carter started crawling over to me, kissing her head I pulled her onto my chest. "I want to take things slow with us.. But I really want you to be here with me." I patted Carters butt as she rest her head on my chest. "Do you want to move in?" Ashton turned around to look at me and smiled. "If it means getting to see this everyday, I'd love to" he crawled onto the bed and laid down next to me, watching Carter on my chest. "You'll sleep on the couch?" I said as I moved Carter onto his chest, she cuddle close into him, hugging him. "If it's what you want.. I guess I could stay on the couch until you're ready" he rubbed Carters back, as I got up and looked for something for her to wear. “(Y/N) can she wear that dress I sent her from L.A.?" "Yeah" I smiled and looked through the closet for the dress. Once I found it, I handed it to Ashton. "Do you want to go to your moms house and get some clothes?" "That's a good idea" he started dressing Carter and looked up at me. "Will you guys come with me or wait here?" He kissed Carters head after putting the dress on her and smiled down at her. "We'll come with you" I leaned over and kissed his forehead. "We still have to talk about some other things, but that can wait for later"

(A/N) WOW another part !! Heres part 11 !!

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(Y/N) POV:

3 months later

"So you went to L.A. last month.. You haven't talked about it, but I've waited long enough, tell me what happened?" Ana asked me while we sat together in my apartment.

"Ugh..." I dragged out and shook my head. "Where should I start?" I laughed sarcastically and covered my face. "I'm such an idiot.."

"Start at the part where you began being an idiot?" Ana laughed and hugged her knees. "When you moved out you told me that you guys were still working things out, you still wore your engagement ring! You wore it when you left for L.A. then you came back and no ring?"

"I thought we were working things out. He was helping with Carter while I worked until he left for L.A. then his mum took over, now she watches Carter. We were talking almost everyday, but I guess I misinterpreted." I sighed and mumbled. "When I told him I wanted to take a break, he said 'don't expect me to wait' and he didn't waste anytime moving on."

"He has a girlfriend?" Ana shook her head and groaned "you guys are so frustrating! You're supposed to be together (Y/N), I saw the way he looked at you, he loved you"

"Um.. Guess not. He asked me to bring Carter to see him in L.A. and I worked my ass off at work so I could take some time off to go see him. He picked me and Carter up at the airport with her." I shook my head and looked at my hands. "Honestly.. He hugged me and Carter for what felt like hours but it must of only been a few seconds. She cleared her throat and said 'oh this your mistake.. Oh sorry' like she didn't mean to say it" I balled my hands into a fist.

"She did not!" Ana shouted and got up from the couch. "We're going back to L.A. and kicking her ass!"

"Carters sleeping keep your voice down!" I shout whispered to her. "I almost killed her!" I laughed and shook my head. "Ana, it was embarrassing. Ashton didn't say anything, he just stood there"

"What did you do?" She sat back down and lowered her voice.

"I was at a lost for words, so I just let Ashton hold Carter while I booked a flight home. I cried the whole plane ride home, I'm all cried out. Now I'm just focusing on me and Carter"

"Have you talked to him? Did he try to stop you from leaving?!" Ana groaned. "Let me beat them up.." She whined and laid back down on the couch.

"No.. He kept apologizing, but I'm done, there's nothing to talk about. He called my precious baby a mistake. Carter is not a mistake, Ashton is an idiot. I mean where else would she have heard something like that!" I sighed and grabbed a pillow to hug. When I moved out Ashton let me keep the couch, he said I slept on it so much I must of like it. "His mum called me but I'm just not ready to deal with that mess."

"What did she say?" Ana got comfortable and reached for the remote to start flipping through the channels.

"Ashton is coming home sometime this week, but I don't expect him to stop by. He'll probably see Carter when I drop her off at his mums house" I got up and walked to the kitchen to get us some snacks.

"(Y/N)? What happen with that guy that you told me about?" She sat up and looked over at me.

"He was horrible!" I laughed. I had tried to go on a date with some guy I met at work. "His name was Brian, he wouldn't shut up!" I smiled and sat back down with some popcorn.

"But I watched Carter all night, so what did you do?" Ana reached over for some popcorn.

"I shut him up" I smiled and shrugged. "All night long.." It was fun to be carefree for one night, but that's all it was.

Ana gaped at me and took the whole bowl of popcorn. "Lucky Brian!" We laughed.

“He asked to see me tonight but no one could watch Carter” I shrugged. “When I told him no one could watch Carter he offered to come here, but I don’t really feel ready to introduce him to Carter”

“I think you should do it, Carter’s a baby she won’t remember him if things don’t work out. If she was old enough to remember people than it would be a different story. You’re gonna be alone for the rest of your day off, you can put Carter to sleep, then you can shut him up again” She laughed and shrugged. “Call him!”

“No!” I shook my head. “I’m gonna spend my day off with my baby girl, then I’m gonna clean this apartment and after that me and Carter will watch a movie until she falls asleep.” I smiled and shrugged. “I don’t really want to see Brian again..”

“You miss Ashton?” She looked at me closely.

I nodded slowly “I know we’ve been apart for longer, but we haven’t spoken in a month. Just a month of radio silence” I sighed and shrugged “I’ll get over it” We watched TV until Ana left for work. 

I started cleaning around the apartment while Carter was already asleep. Our apartment was small with a living room, kitchen, small bathroom and one room so it was easy for me to clean quickly. Once everything was cleaned I laid down with Carter and started our movie.

Late at night there was loud banging on our door. I sat up and looked over at Carter still asleep in her crib. "Oh my god.. Please don't wake up!" I whispered and ran over to the door. Slightly scared at who it could've been banging on the door, I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and opened the door slowly to reveal a very drunk Ashton. "What the fuck!" I groaned and attempted to shut the door, but he pushed the door to stay open.

"Please.. Let me in.." He whispered. Ashton looked a mess, I groaned and let him come inside.

"Don't wake up my daughter" I warned him and set the knife down. I walked over to the closet to get a blanket for him. "I can't believe you got drunk and came to my apartment." I shook my head and threw a blanket at him. “Why come here? Ashton did you drive?!”

“No I didn’t drive! I got a cab.. can I see her?" He followed me to the kitchen. I got him some Advil and a bottle of water from the fridge. I set them down on the coffee table and shook my head.

"No. She's sleeping and you're drunk, please just sleep on the couch and leave in the morning" I got up to leave him alone but stopped when he started talking.

"(Y/N)..I'm sorry about everything" he sat down on the couch.

"Just get some sleep, if you want more water they’re bottles in the fridge. You can eat whatever you'd like just don't wake up my baby." I went back into my room and saw Carter sleeping. I kissed her forehead and went back to sleep.

A few minutes later I heard my bedroom door open, staying still I watched Ashton walk into the room, he stood over Carters crib and covered his mouth. He was crying.

"Ashton.." I whispered. "You're gonna wake her up." I got up and started pushing him out, but he shook his head.

"Please just a few more minute" he whispered and looked down at her. "She's gotten so big."

"Oh Ashton it's been a month! You've been away from her for longer than that!" I pushed him all the way and closed the door. "I'm gonna call your mum to come get you.."

"No! (Y/N) I promise I won't wake her up.." He rubbed his eyes and started walking back to the living room. "I'm back for good now." He said as he started taking off his jacket and boots.

"What does that mean?" I watched him continue to taking off his shirt and jeans.

"I'm done leaving you and Carter Mae" he chugged the water bottle and walked back into the kitchen to get another. Watching him move around this apartment felt foreign, Ashton had never really been here. We would usually be in his house. "I sold the house, I'm living with my mom"

"What are you talking about?" I leaned against the wall and watched him get comfortable on the couch. “Why would you sell the house, you love it.”

"I'm gonna get my family back, I messed everything up and I'm gonna fix it. You said it was too big, you were right. It took me being there alone to realize that. I promise (Y/N), I'm gonna be the person you wanted me to be" he closed his eyes and started falling asleep.

"Goodnight Ashton." I walked back into my room and saw Carter awake playing with her toes. "Carter your dad sucks" When she saw me she started reaching for me to pick her up. I picked her up and kissed her forehead. "You're awake now so, I guess it's only fair to let him see you."

I sat on the edge of the couch and watched Ashton sleeping. I laid Carter on his chest, careful not to hurt her. "Ashton wake up.."

Ashton rubbed his eyes and looked down at Carter. "Carter Mae am I dreaming?" He smiled and pulled her closer. "I must be dreaming your mothers here too"

I laughed and shook my head. "She was awake when I went back to my room so I figured you'd want to see her"

He nodded and held her close to him. "Thanks.." He kissed her head and rocked her in his arms. "God I missed her so much, when you stopped answer my calls, I missed getting to talk to her."

I looked at my hands and remembered why I hadn't answered his calls. "I should take her back to bed." I pulled her away from him and got up.

"Dreams over.." He sighed and followed me into the room. "Why did you get so mad at me? You flew to L.A. and got so mad that you left the same day!"

I set Carter down in her crib and shook my head. "Your girlfriend called my daughter a mistake and you did nothing. You stood there and said nothing."

"Carter Mae is my daughter too and that girl wasn't my girlfriend (Y/N)! She was just a friend from the label, she was gonna show us around town! But you left!"

I pulled Ashton out of the room because I didn't want to argue in front of Carter. "Why didn't you do anything! How could you let her talk about Carter like that!"

"She wasn't talking about Carter Mae, she was talking about you." He spat out and sighed. "But she was wrong and I should've said something but I was just taken aback. You and Carter Mae mean everything to me. I've spent the last month trying to get out of all my contracts so I could come home and be here for you guys." He rubbed his eyes and mumbled "I thought my mum told you but I guess not.. She said she tried calling you but you wouldn't answer her calls either."

"Did you call me a mistake? Why else would she think that?" I looked down at my feet feeling horribly ashamed that I just assumed she was talking about Carter.

"I was upset that you wanted a break so I kinda went on a rampage. I'm sorry.." Ashton groaned and pulled me into his arms. He whispered softly against my head. "You promised me if we were meant to be together we would be, but you're wrong. If we're meant to be together we have to work hard at it, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do."

I leaned against his body and felt like crying but refused to let him see me cry. "I'm a hard worker"

"I know, that's why I'm here" Ashton smiled and released me from his grip. "Go to sleep, I'll be on the couch and if you want help with Carter Mae just shout for me"

"Okay.." I nodded and watched him walk to the living room until I went back to my room for the night.

(A/N) Ladies and Gents, I present to you part 10. Request some new stuff, peace and love

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(Y/N) POV:

I feel empty. Ashton's laying next to me, we're both naked. My back is turned to him, with his arms draped around me. I used to feel so safe with him but right now I feel scared. I don't want to lose him but I don't want to lose me either. I stare at our hands together.

I love you.

We whispered to each other, out of breathe from physically showing each other how much we missed each other. 

Carters cries pulled me away from my thoughts. I turn slowly and cuddle into his side and mumble "Wake up.."

Ashton groaned and got out of bed. Without saying anything he pulled on a pair of boxer briefs, he looked through my drawers and threw my panties on the bed along with his shirt. I smiled slightly and put on the clothes while Ashton left to get Carter. I cuddled back into bed grateful that I didn't have to get up this time. The clock read 2:07 am. I should sleep, I need to get up for work tomorrow. Closing my eyes to get some sleep, a few minutes later I heard Ashton come back with Carter still crying.

"I'm sorry, she won't calm down." Ashton sighed, he sat on the bed and handed me Carter. I pulled her into my chest and kept my eyes close. 

"It's okay, she isn't used to you being the one to get her." I rubbed Carters back and slowly she calmed down and cuddled into my chest. 

"Yeah, I guess it's been a while.." Ashton mumbled before laying down behind me and draping one his arm around my waist, while the other supported my head. I nodded and continued to soothe Carter.

"I'll take her back to her room when she falls asleep, don't worry about it" I yawned and rubbed my eyes. Who needs sleep? I looked down at Carter and smiled. "What's wrong baby? You got a little scared?" I made funny faces at her until I saw her eyes drooping a little. 

"I want to help." Ashton mumbled and pulled me closer into him. "Here, lay her on my chest. Maybe she forgot what I smelled like" he pulled her away from her and laid her on his chest. Carter tilted her head to look up at him. "Carter Mae, I'm your daddy, I guess mommy didn't do a good job at not letting you forget me."

Ouch. I played her recordings of his voice everyday, played her videos that I took of him before he left, I talked about him constantly. Fuck, they had phone calls almost everyday. I did what I could. "Stop leaving, she'll never forget you." I looked up at him and saw how that hurt him.

"I'm sorry, what I said wasn't said with bad intentions." He sighed and shook his head. "We need to fix this. I love you (Y/N). Stop being mad at me" he exclaimed "I work hard to provide for our family!"

"You aren't working Ashton! Yes what you do is hard and it provides for us but you are having the time of your life doing it! It's not a drag for you to travel the world and play music. You're only complaining because Carter doesn't remember you. You should work harder to be home! You have millions of girls dreaming to be with you but the one girl that should matter doesn't even know who you are! It's not my fault Ashton, it's yours!" I felt tears rushing down my face and covers my eyes. "I need you here. I can't keep doings this. I'm so alone when you leave, I don't want to be the reason you don't enjoy the band Ashton, but you can't be my reason for feelings so horrible. You want to fix us? I think we should just take a break for a bit. Try to find ourselves without each other." It hurt like hell to do this, but I really do think we'll figure some shit out this way. I looked down at Carter and mumbled "we'll figure out a visiting schedule. I don't know what else to do."

"You're breaking up with me?" Ashton sat up and looked straight ahead. "You're seriously giving up on us?"

"Just a small break" I whispered and looked at my hands. "I have to figure some stuff out, I need to do that on my own."

"Fine. But don't expect me to wait around for you, I'll go sleep in the guest room. Leave when you can." Ashton got up and took Carter with him. When he left I got up and gather a blanket and pillow. I never slept in this room without Ashton, while he was away I slept on the couch. It was a really nice couch so it wasn't uncomfortable. I walked downstairs and set up my bed, I laid down and tried to think of where I would go and how I would pay for all my things. Ashton was mad, but if things were meant to work for us then I needed to do this, and figure out who I was and become a person and not just a mom and wife.

I only got a few hours of sleep before I felt someone nudging me awake. I groaned and slowly opened my eyes to see Ashton kneeling in front of me. "Why are you on the couch?" He mumbled and looked down at his hands.

"I don't like sleeping in that room without you." I rubbed my eyes and sat up to talk to him. "It doesn't feel right without you" I sighed and pushed his hair away from his face. I felt compelled to kiss his forehead but refrained from doing so. 

"Wait.." He looked up at me, confused. "Where did you sleep while I was in L.A.?" 

"Guest room, Carters room, or here on the couch." I smiled slightly "I tried sleeping in that room the first night you left and it felt so wrong. I just missed you, and the empty bed felt like a constant reminder that you weren't here and we weren't talking.." 

Ashton shook his head and reached out to wrap his arms around my hips, he pulled me closer. "When I saw you, sleeping on the couch, it reminded me of when you were pregnant with Carter Mae and you'd come fall asleep here. I would carry you up those stairs and hold you in my arms while we slept." He paused and looked at me. "We have memories in this house that I'm not ready to let go of, but you are so if you want to go... I'll try to help anyway that I can" I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned down to kiss his forehead. Resting my head against his, I whispered "I'm not giving up on us.. I promise Ashton, I love you." 

"I want everything to be perfect, I want Carter Mae to have a happy family" he pulled me off the couch and into his lap and held me close. "I don't want you to go..I want us to be together, I’ve been away for so long now that I’m back, you want to leave.. it’s hard to process”

“I know, I’ve been processing it since you left” I cuddled into his chest and looked down at our hands. “If we’re meant to be a happy family, we will be.”

(A/N) So tumblr has been acting up and posting has been annoying cuz the page kept refreshing and everything kept deleting -_- so hopefully it all works this time.

Part 8

(Y/N) POV:

I sat in bed with my laptop open checking any updates on Ashton's flight. He had landed 10 minutes ago. Living relatively close to the airport I figured he'd be home in 40 minutes. After collecting his bags, talking to fans and driving here.

"Okay baby girl, daddy's gonna be home soon. Which mean we gotta get you nice and clean for him!" I pulled her close and kissed her cheeks. Getting the sink fill with water, I sat her down and started cleaning her up. Carter hated the water, she cried and reached for me to pick her up. "Oh, I know! Water is so scary!" I worked fast and got her out of the water, wrapped her in her towel and took her into her room. I had picked out a dress Ashton has sent her from L.A. for her to wear.

"Daddy's gonna be so happy to see you! He's gonna give you all the hugs!!" I cooed at her in a baby voice, one I used more than my regular voice. I checked the time and saw that Ashton would be home any minute now.

"Come on let's wait for daddy down stairs" I carried Carter down to the living and sat on the couch with her. "You're gonna freak when you see him" I smiled and thought about how happy Carter was gonna be when she saw Ashton. I worked my very hardest on making sure she wouldn't forget his voice or face.

Playing with Carter for a while, I realized it had been a full hour and Ashton still wasn't home, I check my phone and he hasn't texted or called me yet. "What do you think Carter? Should we text him?" I stared at my phone waiting for something "this is stupid.. You're hungry and he's late. Come on Carter lets just eat."

I took off her dress knowing she was gonna get food all over it. I sat her down in her high chair and looked for something for her. "Okay Carrie, peas? Applesauce? Bananas? Ugh honey I don't even know why I bought you peas." I looked over at her and made funny faces "applesauce! Will you share with mommy?" I giggled and sat down in front of her. Feeding Carter was always fun because sometimes she would eat it peacefully and the next, she would spit it out spoonful's and laugh at me.

After feeding Carter, she fell asleep on my chest. I laid down on the couch and started watching tv while rubbing Carters back. I was over Ashton coming home and let her sleep. 20 minutes into Carters nap, I heard the door opening. Too pissed off to care, I didn't even look at him. Hearing his foots steps coming towards us, I shut my eyes.

"What a warm welcoming I got.." He mumbled and sat down by my feet. He whispered softly "Can I wake her up?"

"She just fell asleep.." I turned to look at him and was immediately overwhelmed. I started crying, and slowly sat up to wrapped my arms around him. I never realized how much I actually missed having him home. "I missed you so much" I cried into his chest.

He held me and rubbed my back while I cried. I didn't want him to see me like this but I needed Ashton. "It's okay.. I'm home now. You don't have to miss me anymore." He kissed my head and pulled me onto his lap. "You know, I thought I was gonna be rocking Carter Mae in my arms, not both of you" he giggled and held onto me tight. "Not complaining though"

I snuggled into his neck and mumbled "What took you so long Ashton? I had Carter dressed in that dress you bought her in L.A." I ran my hand up and down his arm. I didn't want to fight, but I was still mad.

"I talked to some fans, I didn't realize how long it would have taken to get through them" his grip around me tightened. "If I would have known you were gonna talk to me I would have ignored every single one of them" he sighed.

"Well what about Carter? Didn't you want to see her?" He looked up at him and waited for him to explain himself. I mean I knew we were fighting but to avoid coming home was childish, especially when he had been away for so long.

"Of course I wanted to see Carter Mae!" He yelled at me and laughed. "Can I please please please wake her up!" He cupped my face. "I'll take care of her all night! You won't even have to get up!" He kissed my nose.

Giggling I handed her to him and moved out of his lap. "fine! But for the record, you were gonna take care of her all night anyway!"

She flopped her head onto his shoulder and just snuggled into her daddy. "Carter Mae.." He whispered softly while running her back. "Come on, daddy wants to hear you laughing at him" he rocked her slightly, but Carter was having none of it.

"Here, hand her over" I took her from Ashton and kissed her forehead "Carter, daddy's finally home" I said loud enough to wake her up. "You can sleep tonight, or even after you let him hear you" I kept kissing all over her face until she woke up and stared at me angrily. "Morning pumpkin!" I handed her back to Ashton.

"Hey Carter Mae, you glad to see me?" Carter yawned and snuggled into Ashton's chest. "Aw.. Okay, you can sleep Carter Mae" he kissed her forehead and mumbled "Sweet dreams"

"I'll take her to her room" I got up to take Carter from Ashton but he moved away and shook her head.

"Can I please hold her? I missed her" He held on tight and relaxed back into the couch. I understood his need to hold her. If I hadn't seen Carter in 2 months nothing would have kept me from holding her in my arms for the next couple of days. But I had never been away from her for more than a few hours.

"Do you want to go lay in bed? Much more comfortable to hold her on your chest" I smiled at him. I wanted to make it all feel like the last 2 months weren't real. He nodded and followed me up to our room. I hadn't changed anything since he left, so it was easy to get back into.

"I wish you would've come to visit" he mumbled as we settled into the bed, I turned on the tv and starred directly ahead.

I wish you hadn't left. But I couldn't say that, it would start an argument I wasn't ready to have. "I'm sorry.." I said instead. I wasn't. I never plan to chase after someone who is constantly running. Wither we say it or not, Ashton wasn't ready to be a husband and father. Ashton only proposed because I was pregnant, and I know he loves Carter but he thinks she was born at an inconvenient time. I'll never tell Ashton but I once overheard him telling his friends that he was excited to go to L.A. He said he was getting tired of 'the baby'.

"Next time," he mumbled and rubbed Carters back. "You'll love seeing new places, I promise." I looked over at him with Carter and kissed the side of his head.

"I'm sure we will. Tell us about your time in L.A." I turned my body towards him and waited for his eyes to light up. They always did when he talked about his music. It's usually only music that can make him light up, but when Carter Mae was born, I saw that twinkle.

"It's was amazing, I mean I missed you guys but honestly making music is always a great time" he smiled and starred up at the ceiling while talking about his time away. I wasn't really listening, just watching him and enjoying having him back.

I never wanted to be the girl that waited for anyone, that relied on anyone. Ashton's a pretty dependable guy and I love him, but I needed to become my own person again. "Ashton?" I interrupted him.

"Yeah?" He looked at me and I saw the light dimming in his eyes.

"Can we downsize? This house is too big, I want a place I can afford. I love you, I don't want to break up. But I feel like I'm losing sense of who I am." I waited for him to react but he kept starring at me.

"How are you losing yourself? I mean, the house is for our family. What if you get pregnant?" He looked at me shaking his head. "We can't downsize.."

"I'm not going to get pregnant. This house is too big for 2 people, me and Carter only need 2 rooms and the essentials." I pressed on, I wanted this.

"How do you know you won't get pregnant?" He rolled his eyes. "Beside 3 people live here, you me and Carter."

"You're barely here, I'm not having another baby to raise on my own.." I looked down and quickly realized how that sounded. "Ashton.. This isn't exactly what I envisioned for myself. I wanted to make it on my own."

"That's my fault?" He sat up and laid Carter down on the pillows.

"No. It's mine, because I allowed you to start paying for stuff that you shouldn't have been. I want a smaller house Ashton, that's all I'm asking for. I want to pay for rent, I want to feel like a functioning person." I sighed and shook my head. "Just forget it. I should've packed up and left while you were away" I mumbled and took Carter in my arms.

I got up to take her to her room. This is exactly how I figured his first day back would be. Us fighting and me eventually giving up. I wanted to leave, but I believed in us. I walked back to our room and saw him playing with his hand. I crawled onto the bed and sat across for him and pulled his hands on to my lap. I leaned my forehead on his shoulder and mumbled. "How do we fix this?" I messaged his hand, knowing how sore he used to get when he played shows.

"I don't know.." He sighed and nuzzled his face into my neck. "Can we sleep? I miss you, I don't want to lose you." He kissed my cheek and pulled me into him as we laid down.

"I'm happy you're back." I rubbed his chest and whispers. "How long?" I looked at our hands and how the fit into each other. The albums done, so it's gonna get released soon, he must be leaving again soon.

"I don't want to talk about it. I want to make love to my fiancé and not think about anything else." He cupped my face and kissed me softly. "If she'll let me."

(A/N) Am I horrible person from writing such drama?

Part 7

(Y/N) POV

“So where exactly are you at with Ashton?” Ana asked me as she played with Carter. I got pretty close to her when she was taking care of me during my pregnancy.

“I don’t know, it’s been 2 months since he left” I sighed and watched Carter laugh at Ana’s noises. “When we skype, I kinda just let him watch Carter, so she can hear him. We don’t really discuss ‘us’, it’s hard” I looked down at my hand, playing with the ring he gave me.

“What happen when he left? Did you guys kiss? Did he say he loved you?” Ana continued playing with Carter “Why are your parents so difficult Carrie huh? Why can’t mommy just go visit him?” Carter smiled and reached for Ana’s face.

I rolled my eye at her comments and just kept playing with my ring. “We cried, we said we loved each other and he got on the plane and that was it.” I took a deep breathe and looked around the living room. “I was thinking of moving out.”

“What?!” Ana looked at me and shook her head. “Why would you want to do that? Do you not want to be with him anymore?” She put Carter in her walker. “I thought you wanted to make it work?” She turned towards me on the couch.

“I do! I want all of that, but it’s so hard to make it work, when he is gone so often! We have Carter to worry about, we can’t be selfish about things like this.” I watched Carter play by herself and looked back at Ana. “Ashton asked me to go to L.A. before he left, and I said no. I don’t think I should be free loading off him when I make things difficult.”

“But you’re working now, so you aren’t free loading, plus you’re his fiance, and the mother to his daughter. He should be taking care of you.” Ana didn’t know what it felt like, to feel so useless. I worked but I didn’t pay for anything.

“It just doesn’t feel right anymore, you know me and Ashton used to be home to each other. Now I don’t know where my home is.” I felt my eyes watering and looked at Carter and mumbled. “or maybe I found a new home..”

“That’s so sad! (Y/N)! You need to talk to Ashton. Tell him all this!” Ana blatantly pronounce. “Carter doesn’t need to replace-” My cell phone started ringing, cutting off Ana.

Ashton.

“He’s calling, probably to talk to Carter hold on.” I got up and answered the phone in the next room.

“That’s cool, I have to get back to work anyway. I’ll see soon (Y/N)” Ana called after me.

“Hello” I answered.

“Hey, can I talk to Carter?” He mumbled in his sleepy voice.

“Yeah” I wanted to ask him how he was doing, if he was feeling okay. But I didn’t know what to say. I walked back into the living room and put the phone on speaker. Keeping Carter in her walker, I sat on the couch and pulled her close to me. “Daddy’s on the phone for you Carrie” 

“Carter Mae! How is my favorite girl in the world?” Carter immediately lite up and started flailing her arms while laughing. “Daddy is almost done with everything here in L.A. soon I’ll be home with you and mommy” Carter tried to reach for my phone, and smiled at me.

“She’s very happy to hear that, though I doubt she understands” I answered him. “When do you think you’ll be back?”

“Hopefully next week, but I still don’t know for sure, will you pick us up?” Ashton mumbled into the phone.

“I don’t think so Ashton, I don’t want Carter to get freaked out with those girls screaming and you still haven’t told your fans about her.” I looked at Carter moving away from the couch and watched her.

“Management wants us to seem approachable.” He groaned into the phone, I could hear him shuffling. “Will you at least be home when I land?” 

“I wanted to talk to you about that. I kinda want to move out, how would you feel about that?” I watched Carter get stuck in a corner. “Carter moved back!” I groaned and got up, when I saw her panicking. 

“Are you moving out to be away from me or is there something wrong with the house?” I heard on knock on his side of the phone and knew our time was getting cut short. 

“I feel like I’m relying too much on you Ashton, I don’t even know if were together! I’m living in your house, you pay my bills, and we don’t even talk. This is our longest conversation since you left.” I finally said it, what I’d been dying to say for weeks. 

“I know we haven’t talked too much, but I still love you. We never discussed us breaking up, I just thought we would work on it when I got back.” He sighed and I heard him talking to someone else. “Listen, I have to get back. I woke up early to call Carter, I didn’t know we would finally talk to each other, or I would have made more time. Can I say goodbye to Carter Mae?” 

“Yeah, she’s right here.” I pulled Carter into my lap and rubbed my face in frustration. 

“Carter Mae! I will call you later tonight, and you can tell about your day and how annoying momma is! Okay?” I he said in a much happier tone. Carter clapped her hands and laughed at his voice again and looked at me waiting to see if I was happy too. “What time should I call you Carter Mae?” 

“I get home at 6 Sydney time, so anytime after that is fine.” I mumbled trying not to sound disappointed that again, we were talking through a baby that didn’t even speak yet.

Michael decides it's time for his fans to know about you.

(Y/N POV)

I shuffled close to Michael and wrapped my arms around him tightly. "I'm scared." I whispered against his bare chest. We were getting ready to go to sleep but Michael decided he wanted to do a livestream.

"Don't be scared, babe" He kissed my head and rubbed my arm. "I don't want to keep you a secret anymore." He got his laptop and got everything set up. "Ready?"

I nodded and watched the screen. I was afraid of what was going to be the reaction. Michael and I had met a year ago and we became close pretty fast, management advised him into keeping his status single. I agreed to it for my own safety. Fans could be pretty mean.

Michael tweeted the link and smiled as he saw the views rise. "Hi guys! How are you?" I reached for his hand and held onto it tightly. "Would you like to say hi?"

"Hello..I-I'm (Y/N)" My voice shook and I smiled softly. I watched the replies of people. 

Um who is this whore?

Not another groupie -.-

Aw she's scared. Hello (y/n)

michael! what are you doing?

I looked up at him and waited for his to speak. "Okay, so obviously this is my girlfriend." He blushed slightly when he said that and out of impulse I kissed his cheek and he smiled at me. "I really care about her, so I really want you guys to be nice okay?"

why are you guys in a bed?

is this a prank?

She kissed him! omfg

aww cute

I smiled thankfully and rested my head on his shoulder as Michael answered questions. He talked with the fans for about an hour and I just watched him. This may seem weird but usually during livestreams I was asked to keep quiet and not say a word so the fan didn't know I was there.

"Want to answer some question?" Michael whispered to me. I shrugged and looked up at him. Most of the fans were being extra sassy today. I was scared of being made into a fool.

"I don't believe they care about what I have to say." I smiled softly and went back to starring at the screen. “They’re your fans”

Michael knows how to pick them.

shes dumb.

how can she make assumptions, michael was just trying to be nice.

I sighed and mumbled into his ear so they couldn't hear. "Is it okay if I just lay down?" We had been sitting up against the head board, and now I just wanted to lay down and not think about the opinions of others. Michael nodded and I laid down, with my back to him, but still curled up against his, I held onto one of his hands.

"(Y/N) just extra tired today, the baby has been really getting to her guys, sorry" I closed my eyes listening to him and then realized what Michael had just revealed. I turned to him and his eyes had gone big.

I sat up and looked at the comments. 

Did he just say baby?

what the actual fuck.

she got him trapped!!!, lmfao

"Michael.." I whispered and breathed faster. They would hate me. For sure, there is no way they wouldn't.